


But Your Words Are Like Weapons

by define_serenity



Category: Glee
Genre: Angst, Bisexual Female Character, Bisexuality, F/M, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, Friendship/Love, Gen, Male-Female Friendship, Multi, Sexual Identity
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-04-13
Updated: 2014-02-22
Packaged: 2017-11-20 19:26:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 23
Words: 82,837
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/588829
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/define_serenity/pseuds/define_serenity
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This thing between them is easy because it doesn't involve feelings. But what happens when June and Sebastian decide that maybe they're something more than friends after all? Doubts abound, friendships are tested and hearts may get broken.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. On My Way

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: Without prejudice. The names of all characters contained here-in are the property of FOX and Ryan Murphy. No infringments of these copyrights are intended, and are used here without permission. June Wilder belongs exclusively to me.
> 
> These first few chapters are more of a string of loosely related oneshots set in the same 'verse, before the story becomes more continuous. June is an original character that I've written into some existing storylines, just so you're warned.
> 
> All mistakes were taken out by the wonderful Inwenalas/grapesofwraith. She's My Bright Knight and I owe her so much for putting up with me. 
> 
> Title taken from Darren Hayes' Words.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kurt and Blaine go visit Karofsky at the hospital after winning Regionals, and run into their friend June. They haven't been on speaking terms since Valentine's, but in light of what happened to Karofsky it's much easier to forgive and forget.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> setting: during 3x14 (On My Way)

“Is that June’s car?” Blaine asks, pointing out the blue Ford Mondeo two spaces to the left.

Somehow, he knew she’d be here.

When June hadn’t shown up for rehearsals over a week ago he knew there were several reasons for it. There was the fact that the Troubletones had joined the New Directions again and one of the only reasons she was in Glee club in the first place was to strengthen their numbers. She loved music, and loved to sing, but hadn’t quite caught the performer bug yet.

Most of the other Glee kids hadn’t missed her. Santana, Sugar and Mercedes hadn’t gotten the chance to get to know her properly, while Rachel, Finn and Quinn—they still talked to her when they ran into her in the hallway, but they’d only ever seen her as a temporary member.

June and him were a different story—they were both the new kids at McKinley at the same time and even Kurt had agreed to make her feel more at home. Especially after she wrote that anti-bullying article for the school newspaper. She was at McKinley for five months now and even Ben Israel agreed she was the best thing to have happened to the press corps (in so far that McKinley actually _had_ a press corps and Ben noticed anything above June’s neckline).

But after what happened at Sugar’s Valentine’s party Kurt and June had taken their distance from each other, and even though it tore him up, he’d backed up Kurt. June never texted or called to explain, didn’t approach them at school. This past week she’d disappeared completely.

He’d tried calling a few times, because quite frankly he was worried about her, especially after Karofsky’s suicide attempt. He’d even caught Kurt texting once or twice. Kurt had shrugged and said: “Just making sure she’s still alive,” after which they hadn’t mentioned it again.

He’d recognized her car the moment Kurt pulled into the parking space, but he wants to ease Kurt into this—Kurt’s been blaming himself for the past few days already, and maybe it would be better if June wasn’t here, but he can’t stand all of them being apart. They all know what it’s like to go through high school feeling alone and left out—they’d been each other’s support until Valentine’s.

“Yeah, I think it is,” Kurt answers, his fingers tightening around his hand. He stares down at the floor, and Blaine pulls towards him, a deep-seated instinct to always reach out to his loved ones when they’re in pain, at the cost of his own sometimes.

“Hey,” he says softly, hand making soothing circles over Kurt’s back. “You don’t have to do this now. We can go see him when he’s home,” Blaine suggests, but knows Kurt’s answer before he starts shaking his head.

“No,” Kurt says, sniffles, and looks up at him, trying hard not to cry. “I need to do this.”

He takes hold of Kurt’s hand again, leading them both inside the hospital.

“Dave Karofsky?” Kurt’s voice breaks before all the syllables are out, and he needs to repeat the name before the nurse at the front desk even hears him. She sends them down a wide colorless hallway at the end of which there’s another information desk and waiting area.

“Visiting?” the orderly asks.

“Uhm, Dave Karofsky?” Kurt repeats tentatively.

The orderly doesn’t so much as look up at them when he grabs a pre-printed sheet, rips off two stickers that read ‘visitor’ and slides them over the counter. “Down the hall, second door on the right,” he adds, back to focusing on his computer screen.

Kurt’s voice sounds small. “Thank you,” he says, then turns to face him. He peels open one of the stickers and applies it to Kurt’s jacket, smoothing his hands down to his waist.

“I’ll wait here,” he says.

He watches Kurt walk the rest of the way alone, a pot of flowers clutched tightly between both hands. Kurt takes a deep breath before opening the door—a fist clutches around his heart leaving Kurt alone like this, but he knows he wants to do this on his own.

The door doesn’t close, there’s the sound of muffled voices from inside the room, and a few seconds later June emerges. He takes a deep breath. He’s not angry with her, in so many ways Kurt isn’t either, but they’re both hurt by June’s lack of trust in them. She could’ve told them.

June catches eye of him and there’s a hitch in her step; she takes a deep breath, buries her hands in her pants pockets but still makes her way towards him.

They sit down together in the small waiting room—they’ve all been fighting, well, _avoiding_ each other really, but he can’t help but think how incredibly silly they’ve been. Yes, June kept things from them that they would have understood, but who were they to force it out of her?

June looks at him sideways.

“We missed you at Regionals,” he says, turning his head to look at her.

“You won?” she asks, leaving out any explanation for missing it. There’s no room for excuses now, and to be honest he doesn’t really need any; if it’d been up to him nothing would have changed, but Kurt felt betrayed and June – he imagines – got terrified of facing them again.

He nods. “You missed quite the story.”

June smiles—he feels his shoulders relax; maybe they can work things out. Maybe they can all be friends again.

“I heard Sebastian buried the hatchet,” she says, surprise laced into her voice. One of her jobs for the school newspaper was cover the Glee club, _another_ reason she joined, to get an inside perspective; show choir terrorism and subsequent solidarity would have made for one great headline.

“For now.” He nods again. “How long have you been here?”

June sniffles. He wonders if she’s been crying. “A few hours,” she answers, and stares down at her feet. Sometimes he thinks June and Kurt are more alike than either of them care to admit—they’re both equally passionate about their ideals, June’s just never edited herself in the way society forced Kurt to be silent. He thinks maybe now he understands why she has such loud opinions.

He reaches out and takes her hand. June puts her head down on his shoulder.

He smiles to himself. Kurt’s been a little jealous of June since they met. He’s often said that June has a girl crush on him, always clinging and sticking up for him, but he likes to think that June sees him more as a brother. Maybe he’s wrong, maybe June does have feelings for him; at least she’s smart enough to know he’d never be able to reciprocate.

They sit like that for what feels an eternity. He doesn’t mind. He’s missed her.

The moment Kurt reappears in the hallway June gets up and walks over to him. They fall into each other’s arms—surprise rips through him, as well as relief, because now he knows everything will be all right between them again, as long as they talk things through.

“I’m so sorry,” June says, shaking her head, her voice breaking. “I should’ve just told you.”

“No.” Kurt shakes his head too, tears running down his face. “If this week has taught us anything, it’s that no one should be forced out.”

June wipes at her face once she releases Kurt. “Yeah, but I have you guys,” she says. She’s right, he thinks, she could have trusted them, she could have told them and they wouldn’t have judged her, or tried to talk her into coming out. They would have understood. That’s why Kurt took his distance, he’d already trusted her to know her boundaries when it came to his boyfriend so all he wanted was something in return.

But now, in light of everything that’s happened, maybe they’ll find a new way of communicating.

He walks over to Kurt and wraps an arm around his waist. “And so does Dave,” he says.


	2. one week earlier: Valentine's

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kurt, June and Blaine might have made up at the hospital, but why were they avoiding each other in the first place? At Valentine's, easily her least favorite holiday, June runs into Sebastian, and they're approached by a very unsavory guy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> setting: during 3x13 (Heart)

She’s trudging through her mashed potatoes when Kurt settles down next to her in the cafeteria. She doesn’t look up; the small heap of canteen food has become infinitely more interesting than Kurt swooning over Blaine’s Valentine’s Day card or Artie and Rory going to war over who gets to be Sugar’s date.

The same chocolate box invitation to Sugar’s party had waited underneath her chair, but she decided she wasn’t going. Why spend an entire night envying everyone else’s wonderful love life when she can spend it in front of the television with Ewan McGregor serenading Nicole Kidman? Movie night sounded like a pretty sweet deal.

“What’s the matter, Wilder?” Puck asks, but doesn’t look up to meet her eyes. Instead, he seems rather preoccupied with opening his milk carton without it spilling all over the table. “Your face looks like one of those kids’ whose lunch money I steal.”

“He’s right,” Kurt says. “Why are you not rejoicing on this glorious day?”

She’s about to give Kurt an entire shopping list of Reasons To Dislike Valentine’s Day As A Single Person, but then she catches sight of his beaming smile—one of the corners of her mouth pulls up involuntarily. Kurt’s personality has this effect on many people. “I’m sorry.” She runs a hand through her hair. “I’ll try to turn my frown upside down.”

She smiles wide and plastic, before focusing her attention on her food again.

Kurt leans in. “I miss him too, you know,” he says.

She sniggers. It’s funny how everyone seems to have decided that she’s in love with Blaine, even though her feelings for him are nothing of the sort. She shakes her head, as if the motion will drive away her memories. “It’s not that,” she says.

“Is it because you don’t have a date to Sugar’s party?” Kurt asks. “Because Rory and Artie—”

“I’m just—” she interrupts. The last thing she wants is a pity date. “Valentine’s reminds me of someone that dumped me.”

Kurt’s posture changes, his eyes mellow into something between surprise at hearing her discuss anything this private and sympathy for her words. She usually only shares these things with Blaine, the reason for which she hasn’t quite figured out herself, but she guesses that Kurt’s occasional passive aggression stopped her from sharing any girl talk with him.

“Why?” Puck asks, finishing her mashed potatoes, even though his own platter’s still full of food. “You’re smoking.”

“As astute as that observation may be, Puck—” she says – Puck mouths the word ‘astute’ to himself and frowns – , “—Valentine’s just reminds me of my ex.”

“Hey.” Kurt reaches for her hand, a reciprocal gesture for her own confession. “That’s his loss.”

Guilt rips through her; what she told Kurt is only part of her hate for this holiday. The truth is that Valentine’s reminds her of the lies she tells herself, the secrets she keeps from a friend as good as Blaine, and even Kurt. She shouldn’t hide from them.

This year the thought of Valentine’s puts her in a tailspin of painful memories, self-pity and just a general sense of _wallow_. It’s not like her to believe that every Valentine’s should be spent in a non-single status, but after her first _real_ Valentine’s last year it’s hard not to think of her ex.

Still, somehow she manages a half-hearted smile. “I have to go,” she says. At least her duty to the newspaper allows her to make guiltless excuses. “Article to write.”

“You’ll come to the party, right?” Kurt asks, his eyes begging. “Please, please, please?”

She sighs, but laughs. _Moulin Rouge_ does always end up depressing the hell out of her.

“Fine,” she gives in. “I’ll see who remains standing in the Great Sugar War.”

 

#

 

Valentine’s has to be his favorite holiday.

He’s been planning this one all week. There’s only one place he really wants to be: Scandals. He’s fantasizing about their Happy Hour all the way through Warbler practise and lacrosse, and all the way through dinner it’s all he can do not to hear his stepmom yakking about some charity she’s supporting.

“Sebastian, honey,” – he cringes at the sounds of his stepmother’s shrill chirps – “What are your plans for tonight?”

Luckily he’s had plenty of time to come up with excuses. Thank God for Twitter.

“Sugar Motta’s throwing a private party at Breadstix,” he says, knowing both his father and stepmother will take notice of the name.

“Oh, that’s nice.” His stepmother smiles. “Maybe you’ll meet a nice girl.”

He plasters a smile on his face. “Or who knows, I might find a life partner,” he says. He suspects he’d have a lot less problems with his father’s second wife if she wasn’t so damn _Catholic_ all the time. Thankfully it also means she makes it easier for him to get under her skin. Right now all of the color drains from her face.

“Sebastian,” his father reprimands, but the icy stare his stepmother throws him makes it more than worth it. “We’ll drop you off at Breadstix.”

He wants to protest, but he guesses it’s best not to antagonize his father any further. At least his baby sister is kind enough to projectile-shoot her carrots at their father—he might not like her all that much, but the kid has timing.

His father drops him off as promised—he recognizes Kurt’s and June’s cars in the parking lot, and hears music wafting towards him from inside. There’s a silhouetted figure outside leaning back against the windowpane, arms folded across the chest, feet crossed at the ankles. It doesn’t take him long to see who it is.

“Look who we have here,” he says, and smiles. He’s too early for Happy Hour at Scandals, the hot guys won’t be going anywhere, and he’s feeling particularly generous tonight.

Her eyes are big when she looks up, until recognition sets in and they narrow on his face. “ _Smythe_ ,” she says, just the right balance between loathing and playful flirtation in her voice.

He smiles. “Miss June.”

Last time he saw her he stalked up to her at the Lima Bean, only a day after he tried to slushy Kurt. She was giving him the silent treatment until his prying hit a sore spot—she’d slammed her pen down on her notebook and looked him in the eye, giving him an earful about how _Blaine loved Kurt_ and it wouldn’t have changed a damn thing if that slushy had hit Kurt instead. In hindsight he probably should have kept his mouth shut; she was often accused of having no bite but when it came to what he did to Blaine she had a thing or two to say and bit down hard.

Right now it seems most of that has been forgotten, but he’s not delusional; she hasn’t forgiven him for anything. Something tells him that when it comes to harm done to her friends, June has an elephant’s memory.

“You know this is a private party,” she says.

“Is it?” He mocks a frown, placing a hand over his heart. “How remiss of me.”

This earns him a smile.

“Where’s your date?” he asks, suddenly curious who’s already managed to lose her interest this early in the evening.

She looks back through the window over her shoulder, at the kid in the wheelchair whose name he’ll probably never learn. _Really?_ he thinks. “Otherwise occupied,” she answers, her voice missing the usual bite. If anything she sounds sad. “It’s fine,” she says, as if he asked for an explanation. “I’m not that into Valentine’s.”

“Bad experience?” he asks, but it only gets him a scornful glance. He raises his hands in surrender. “I’m just saying: all your friends are inside having fun, and—”

“And what?” she asks, taking a defiant step towards him. That’s just sort of how they act around each other. “Don’t pretend you know me.”

He thought he knew her the moment he met her, huddled over some magazine with Blaine at the Lima Bean, her smile wide and eyes big whenever Blaine spoke. He’s dealt with his own share of schoolgirl crushes and he thought he recognized them when he saw one, but then they started their own little dance and—he’s not sure, maybe she’s just one of those naturally clingy people.

He smiles down at her. “Oh, darling, haven’t you heard?” he asks. “It’s my favorite game.” He’s sure he’s only trying to cheer her up because it’s Valentine’s Day and no one should feel miserable, even at his expense.

“Seriously though, are you okay?” he adds. “Because if the cripple isn’t doing it for you, I can just—”

Before he finishes the thought and before June manages to interrupt him with one of her self-righteous speeches, a blond high school jock approaches them from the parking lot: “Well, if it isn’t the homo and his beard.”

June and him react in unison: “Excuse me?”

But the broad-shouldered jock only approaches June. “Your boyfriend’s gay,” he says, making June reel back on her heels.

Before the words _‘I’m not her—’_ can make it out of his mouth June takes a step forward, “So what if he is?” she snaps. “How’s that anyone’s business but mine?”

“A girl like you should date a real man.”

He laughs, and to his surprise the same laugh escapes June.

“And I suppose that would be you?” she asks.

“I’ll show you a better time than this faerie queen here.”

He doesn’t react because he’s heard it all before, in fact he’s used worse insults himself—and well, June seems to be on top of this.

“That’s funny,” she says. “Because for me to date you I wouldn’t just need a magical tool that turned me straight, but I’d need to drop about a hundred IQ points.” She takes another step closer. “And between you and me?” she says, lowering her voice. “I’m not really that smart to begin with.”

By the time he sees the jock’s face contort with some semblance of understanding his jaws hurt from laughing so hard. “I think this would be an opportune moment to get out of her face,” he kindly informs, and for the first time since they met he wants to give June all the praise she deserves. Praise where praise is due and all.

But when he looks down at June, her eyes are shining with tears. Last time he saw her like this he didn’t understand what was going on, and they weren’t in any way close enough for _that_ conversation. Now he thinks he gets it. Maybe her previous Valentine’s hadn’t been a bad experience, maybe it was just a reminder of how society expects a boy-girl combination. Maybe that’s why she has such a big mouth, shouting at the world, but no one’s listening.

“You okay?” he asks, and places a hand on her shoulder. He knows they have this unspoken boundary in their interactions, one they tiptoe just for fun, but he decides there and then they should make room for something real.

A sob rips through her body, but she turns to face him, only her eyes never reach his—her stare catches somewhere halfway; tears escape her eyes. He turns his head and realizes what has silenced her; neither of them had noticed that somewhere in the middle of their argument, Kurt and Blaine had made it outside. They’re both staring at June, confusion riddled across their faces.

“You’re gay?” Kurt asks.

_They didn’t know?_ he wonders, and the only reason he doesn’t just ask is because the silence has all but blanketed out any room for questions. Aren’t Kurt and Blaine supposed to be her best friends? Shouldn’t they be holding her close right about now and tell her they’ll help her through whatever-this-is?

“I—” June starts, tears running down her cheeks, chaos written all over her face. “I have to go.”

She runs away in shock, crying.

“June!” Blaine calls out, and wants to pursue, but Kurt grabs his arm.

“No.” He shakes his head. “Let her go.”

Blaine’s face contorts with conflict, and he hates how he decides to stick with Kurt instead of running after June. She just _came out_ to her supposed best friends; she was so clearly struggling with something today that incited her outburst.

He knows he could possibly follow her himself. But he doesn’t. 


	3. Chance Encounters

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It seems both June and Sebastian like to stay caffeinated, and they often bump into each other at the Lima Bean. Most times they just go their own way but there are times where they just can't seem to help themselves. SCENES NOT CHRONOLOGICAL.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> setting:   
> (1) during 3x07 (I Kissed A Girl)  
> (2) during 3x08 (Hold on to Sixteen)  
> (3) after 3x14 (On My Way)  
> (4) during 3x09 (Extraordinary Merry Christmas)  
> (5) after 3x13 (Heart)

It has to be cosmic or something. It’s the only explanation for why they both end up at the Lima Bean at the same time so often, _other_ than the simple ‘it’s the only decent coffee shop in a ten mile radius.’

There are plenty of occasions where they’ll just nod or greet each other in passing. _Most_ of the time they’re living their separate lives, go about their day in a routinely manner and have no care for what the other is thinking or doing. He hasn’t even decided if he really likes her yet, what with her fangirl cheering for Kurt and Blaine or her belief that the New Directions actually have a shot at Nationals.

Then there are, of course, those _other_ times.

**(1)**

She’s on her way out when he runs into her. “Hey, Wilder,” he says, letting his eyes wander longer than they need to.

“ _Sebastian_ ,” she sneers, and doesn’t slow down or look up to meet his eyes.

He manoeuvres himself in front of her. “What, no snappy comeback?” he asks.

June sighs. “Not today.”

How curious. “You’ve finally realized there’s no winning from me?”

“No,” she says strongly and looks up at him. “Because I’m tethering between anger and bursting out into tears. And while shouting at you may well be cathartic at this point there’s no guarantee that’s the way it’ll go.”

She looks around to make sure she hasn’t attracted any unwanted attention.

“So no, no snappy comebacks.” She shrugs. “Ish.”

He smiles to himself, even though something’s clearly bothering her. “Boy trouble?” he asks, because that’s what they do; they might talk to each other easily, but it’s never serious. That’s what’s so great about June.

Only now she snorts, her eyes filling up with tears. Maybe his question hit a little close to home. “I have to go,” she chokes out, and pushes past him.

“Hey,” he calls back. “Do you want to talk about it?”

The last thing he meant to do was make her _cry_.

“No.” She shakes her head. “This is—this isn’t something I can talk about.”

It’s all he can do before she’s out the door, all but running for her car. As far as Things Girls Can’t Talk About is concerned he’s no expert, but whatever’s going on with June is bad enough for her to storm out like a diva. For reasons that will never be entirely clear to him his feet carry him outside—he looks for the blue Ford Mondeo and spots it fast in the small parking lot, but he freezes in place. June’s in the driver’s seat, her head resting against the steering wheel, and she’s sobbing uncontrollably.

He grabs his cell phone and types out a text quickly: _None of my business, killer, but your girl June might need a hug later._

Blaine never answers the text—he finds out later it’s because he had absolutely no idea something was going on with her.

 

**(2)**

Sebastian and Kurt are engaged in what looks like a heated discussion when she walks over to their table. Blaine’s at the counter ordering another coffee; sometimes she thinks he stays more caffeinated than her, which is quite a feat to begin with.

“Hey, guys,” she says, sitting down between Kurt and Sebastian.

“Did you finish your article?” Kurt asks, but she suspects he only asks so he can ignore Sebastian.

She nods. “I don’t even know what I’m doing here, I’m way too caffeinated already.”

“You’re feeling better, then?” Sebastian asks.

Her heart skips the proverbial beat— except she’s found her heart can actually do that when people get closer to a truth she’s tried so hard to keep hidden. It usually only happens around her parents, but Sebastian has this way of getting under her skin.

“Better?” Kurt frowns. “What is he talking about?”

“Last week,” she answers, well aware that Sebastian’s doing this to antagonize Kurt. “When you had your Santana week and I was dealing with personal things I haven’t _told anyone about_.” Her eyes narrow on Sebastian.

Sebastian smiles wide, but Blaine returns to the table before he manages to retort.

“What are you guys talking about?” Blaine asks.

“Duh, the next time we’re all going out drinking, Killer.”

Blaine looks at Kurt. “Oh-oh.”

“Well, I gotta run,” Sebastian says, “but you take care of that Warbler, Kurt.” He winks at Kurt, smiles at Blaine and leaves without paying further attention to her.

Kurt takes half a turn in his chair and looks at her. “Exactly how often do you and Sebastian talk?”

“I don’t do it on purpose.” She lies. She’s pretty sure that there are occasions where she does do it on purpose. “He’s _always_ here.” She shrugs. “And I need my caffeine.”

Blaine smiles; she can’t tell if he does it to relieve the tension her lie has created, or if he’s as oblivious to it as Kurt. “Our intrepid reporter,” he says, and takes another swig from his coffee.

 

**(3)**

She’d hoped that her heart would get some peace once Kurt and Blaine knew about her being gay, but it’s only gotten worse. It’s an incredible relief that they know and she trusts them more than anyone, but the thought that her parents could find out, that _Sebastian_ knows—

**“** Wait, is this why you disappeared the week Santana came out?” Kurt asks.

She tunes into the conversation again. Her sexuality has been the main topic of discussion for the past two days, ever since they made up at the hospital. “I was angry at Finn,” she says.

“Why?”

“Because he practically forced her to come out,” she answers. “While you were all down on Santana for not _openly_ being who she is, I was down on Finn for making that choice for her.”

“He was only worried about her.”

She shakes her head. “That doesn’t make it right.”

But she’s all too aware of how hypocritical that sounds. Maybe Quinn was right about her all along; she’s all bark and no bite, never takes action despite having such strong opinions. But she’s good with words, formulating an opinion verbally and on a page—it’s one thing no one will ever be able to take from her, no one will change that. So she’ll never give it up.

“Why didn’t you tell us?” Blaine asks.

It breaks her heart to think about how betrayed Kurt and Blaine felt, it kills her that they had to find out the way they did, but when that jock approached her and Sebastian on the parking lot—she was already running on a short fuse and he was the spark.

“We would never have told anyone,” Blaine adds. “We could’ve—”

“I know. And I thought about it so many times.” Only by the time she’d mustered up the courage she felt her lies had already swallowed her whole; ever since she realized she was gay she’s been drowning in excuses and lies. It’s made her sick on more than one occasion. “But there’s a reason why I’m not out.”

“What reason?” Kurt asks.

She sighs. She can’t tell them this. “I’m a coward?”

Blaine shakes his head. “You’re not—”

“Yes, I am, Blaine,” she interrupts. “My parents—they’d kick me out.”

Kurt reaches for her hand. “You don’t know that.”

“Yes, I do.” She takes a deep breath. Moment of truth then. “Because when my brother came out, they told him not to come back until he’d sorted himself out. That was eight years ago. And I only see my brother once a year.”

.

“Your brother’s gay, Wilder?” He blends into the conversation as if he’d been part of it all along. This time it’s not without reason; after apologizing to Blaine he’s bound to have a little more leeway. “You should give me his number sometime, set us up.”

June doesn’t disappoint. “And why would I do that?” she asks, looking up at him.

He grabs a chair and sits on it backwards. “Why wouldn’t you?”

“ _Other_ than the fact that it could land my brother in jail?”

He grins. “So you really think we’d hit it off?”

June can’t stop herself laughing—she chuckles, even though she tries to hide it behind her cup of coffee. He doesn’t miss Blaine’s and Kurt’s confused glances. “This the brother who came over for Christmas?” he asks, and he’s sure the question comes to mind for more than one reason—right now he just loves how Kurt’s frown grows even more profound.

“How do you—” Kurt shakes his head, and turns to June for an explanation. “How does he know that?”

Because for some reason he just always happens to sort of be there?

“I see you all kissed and made up,” he says before June needs to answer. “How joyous.” He looks at June. “Maybe now you can stop having your big life revelations when I’m around.”

She grimaces. “And you can have some peace again.”

“I can focus on more important matters,” he says and turns his head. “Like Blaine: how’ve you been, Killer?”

He doesn’t even need to check to know June rolls her eyes and Kurt’s eyes narrow angrily on his face.

 

**(4)**

“ _Lois Lane_ ,” he says, joining her at the condiment bar. She’s the most flaming thing in the entire coffee shop right now, and that’s saying something with all the Christmas decorations already in place. From the back he was already able to ascertain that her dress is something short and red, disappearing underneath her white winter coat.

She looks up at him and smiles wide. “Good morning, Sebastian.”

He winces. “What’s wrong with your face?”

June sighs and rolls her eyes. He can’t suppress a smile. “It’s called a smile, Smythe, you should try a real one sometime,” she jokes. “It’ll make you look younger.”

_Touché_ , he thinks. “You are literally alight with Christmas cheer.”

She nods enthusiastically. “Christmas is the one time of the year that my parents and my brother are on speaking terms. Something about _new beginnings_ and _baby Jesus_.” She waves a dismissive hand. “So I spend the week before Christmas banning any negativity by singing carols, writing droopy love stories and decorating the house.”

He grins. If she smiles any brighter she might start to sparkle.

“You’re not celebrating Christmas?” she asks, taking a careful sip from her coffee.

“ _Au contraire_ ,” he says. “My stepmother is very keen on spending the holidays skiing in the Alps.”

Her eyes go wide, but he suspects it’s more from excitement than actual surprise. “The _Alps_?”

“It’s in Europe,” he says.

“I know where it is.” Her eyes narrow on his face, but her lips still slide into a smile. “Well, have fun,” she adds, and he knows she means it. “And don’t break too many hearts.”

He grins. “No promises, honey.”

A costumer passes them, taps him on the shoulder and points up. June and him both look up, staring at the lone branch of mistletoe now positioned directly above their heads. He looks down again, June already staring up at him.

She giggles and shakes her head. “No,” she says.

“What’s the matter?” He leans in. “Afraid you might like it?”

She opens her mouth to say something, but stops herself; he guesses it has something to do with the zero-negativity policy she’s adopted this week. She leans in and reaches up on her toes, planting a kiss on his cheek.

“Merry Christmas, Sebastian,” she says, looking up into his eyes.

He hates it when she does this, when her actions contain the expectation he’ll be complacent for once rather than wave off this real moment between them, because quite frankly, it makes him uncomfortable how _comfortable_ and _easy_ it is to be around her. Maybe it’s because she’s a girl; maybe it’s the snappy comeback thing; he’s not sure. But he hates it _because_ he kind of has to admit that he likes it.

“Merry Christmas,” he says softly, and has never meant it more.

 

**(5)**

“Sebastian,” she calls out the moment she sees him in line. She’s realized she’s started expecting him there—what exactly does that say about them, when she looks at him at the Lima Bean first?

“Miss June.” He smiles _that_ smile, the same he always smiles, all teeth ( _fantastic_ teeth) and a sparkle in his eyes. It’s their game, they knew that the moment they met, because it works for them. But there’s no room for games now.

“Can I talk to you?” she asks, tone rushed. “In private?”

He lets her take him aside without protest, for which she’s more than a little grateful, and he’s onto her subject matter before she has to address it herself. “If this is about the other night—” he says. “Your secret’s safe with me.”

She bites her lip nervously. “Thanks,” she mutters, simultaneously overwhelmed with relief and a new kind of anxiety. People _know_ now, Sebastian knows, and Blaine and Kurt know—how long would it take them to organize a special June week for her coming-out?

“I know I’m not always the nicest guy, but I don’t believe in outing someone,” Sebastian says, forcing her to look up at him. That’s possibly the nicest thing he’s ever said to her, probably because it comes from a real place of caring. “A sentiment I surely share with your BFFs.”

June casts down her eyes.

“I can’t help but notice they’re not here.”

“I’ve—” She shakes her head. “We’ve—”

“Some best friends,” Sebastian scoffs. “Turn their back on you when you need them.”

She looks up at him again. Is that what people think, she wonders, that Kurt and Blaine have abandoned her? That they’ve decided they want nothing to do with her because of the secrets she kept?

“That’s not—” She wants to explain, that Kurt and Blaine aren’t here because she’s been avoiding them, she’s _terrified_ of facing them again, to see the same shock and disappointment in their eyes—she could have trusted them with this.

Even Kurt’s texted her a few times by now, and she suspects a lot of that has to do with what Karofsky did to himself—she doesn’t know him like Kurt or Blaine do, but maybe it wouldn’t be a bad idea to approach him. She’s sure Kurt will visit him in the hospital after Regionals.

“I have to go,” she says, and rushes off.


	4. Big Brother

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The arrival of Cooper Anderson gets everyone's attention... including June's lady parts. But as the day progresses Cooper becomes not so much man candy as a man that reminds her of her own brother, and is not being very nice to Blaine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the last of the standalone chapters, the ones that follow will jump to graduation and be more continuous.

She hears the news when she’s making photocopies for the school newspaper. She recognizes Kurt’s squeal out in the hallway and she peeks her head around the corner, curious about what’s going on. And sure as day: it’s Cooper Anderson himself. The guy from the Free Credit Rating commercials Kurt loves so much. He’s even personalized his ringtone in her phone so that whenever he calls she’s greeted by Cooper’s sultry voice. And she’d never dream of changing it.

_This_ is Blaine’s brother?

When Cooper passes her in the hallway with Sue he smiles at her (she still hasn’t stopped staring) and she doesn’t know how or why, but she can feel her kneecaps trembling. Yes, when it comes to Cooper Anderson she has to agree with Kurt: he might be the best-looking man in North America.

The male gender has never been particularly _un_ attractive to her—there was a time right before and after puberty and all her friends started talking about boys when she joined in on those conversations, not just because society dictated she should have feelings for boys instead of girls, but because seeing people like Chris Evans and Ryan Gosling in various states of undress really did turn her on.

And, well—Cooper Anderson sort of does the same thing to her lady parts. She spends most of Glee practice just staring at him, much like the rest of them, wide-eyed and sighing (though she’d never admit to that when asked) and mesmerized by his bright blue eyes.

She used to fantasize about hot (male) celebrities quite often and nothing about that felt wrong or out of sync with her sexuality. That was until Sarah. A lot of her days after their first kiss were spent in doubt, locked in her room because she couldn’t talk to her parents or her friends. All she could really think about was her brother, and wonder if this is how he felt, confusion keeping him up at night, butterflies in his stomach every time he thought about a boy he liked, fear for what their parents would say.

Now she’s thinking about Blaine and Kurt, Karofsky and even Santana, who all went through the same thing—she can’t focus on Cooper’s Master class at all because she can’t help but wonder: what if she’s bi? What if she’s attracted to boys too? She looks at Santana and Brittany, their long legs exposed underneath the very short Cheerios skirts and _yes_ , her love for girl legs is definitely there. But then she looks back at Cooper, the blue eyes, perfect cheekbones and the very Disney Prince _ness_ of him and—maybe this isn’t the best criteria for evaluation.

“Coop, you’re my brother!” Blaine shouts suddenly, and she snaps right out her train of thought. They’re all in a circle around Cooper, enacting a scene from NCIS (or so Cooper tells them). “Can’t you just support me?” Blaine asks—she feels something inside her snap.

She looks up at Cooper, wondering how he’ll respond, if he’ll take his brother aside or give him a comforting pat on the back, maybe even apologize. But what comes out of Cooper’s mouth makes her want to punch him in his Disney Prince face.

“I’m sorry, are you talking to me right now?” he asks. “Because I can’t tell if you’re talking to me if you don’t point your finger.”

If human beings were the kind of animals that growled when angry she probably would have roared like the Hulk—Blaine is visibly hurt and huddles back to his spot in the circle in silence.

She can’t focus on anything else Cooper says, not because she’s lost in her own thoughts again but because she’s fighting to keep her words in. One thing she’s learned about Blaine: he can fight his own battles and doesn’t need her to shout for him. Even though she’s so very tempted.

She lets Kurt and Blaine wander off together once the class has finished, and she strolls to her locker keeping her lips pressed tightly together. She doesn’t want to run the risk of blurting out one of her self-righteous speeches (Sebastian’s words) to either Cooper or Blaine. Maybe it’s best if she steers clear of both of them for a while.

She closes her locker without realizing Cooper’s been standing there waiting for her. She jumps, but keeps herself from screaming. “What are you doing?” she asks, her voice more pitchy than usual.

“June, right?” Cooper asks, arms crossed over his chest. “I was told you were the opinionated one.”

She briefly wonders who told him that: would Blaine talk about her like that? Then again, there are people at this school who’ve called her worse.

“I’m trying to cut that down,” she half-lies.

After Valentine’s she’s found most of her fighting spirit only induces something close to what she imagines a heart attack feels like, so she’s been self-editing more often. Today, however, it was more than that. Her attraction to Cooper distracted her from seeing Blaine struggling, but she’s zoned into it now, and she’s having her usual trouble keeping herself from voicing an opinion.

“How long have you been in love with my brother?”

She rolls her eyes: where does everyone get this? Is it their physical contact? The occasional supportive handholding, the hugging, the head-on-shoulder? Those are nothing more than girl/gay best friend things, the same Kurt has with Rachel or Mercedes. Part of her thinks it’s because she was new to McKinley not too long ago, and she made friends with Blaine awfully fast. But they must see it, they must know: Blaine’s probably one of the easiest people to become friends with. 

“You’re certainly not denying it,” Cooper says.

“I’m not in love with Blaine.” She turns to face him. “I love him. Like a brother.”

“Could’ve fooled me.”

She won’t hear this. It’s one thing if it comes from her friends, but Blaine’s _brother_? The same man who just humiliated him in front of their friends?

“Something tells me that wouldn’t take much,” she snaps.

The older Anderson blinks. “Excuse me?”

Here it comes, she thinks, word-vomit. She slams her locker shut. She’s nothing if not dramatic.

“Either you don’t care about Blaine at all, or you’re too self-centered to see that he’s looking for your approval,” she says. “Would it really kill you to put your ego aside for this one visit and say something nice to him?”

Like her brother does, every Christmas, he _pretends_ just like she does that theirs is a happy family.

The comic frown disappears from between Cooper’s eyebrows and makes way for something close to hurt. She recognizes those eyes immediately; those are Blaine’s eyes too. “You don’t know me,” he says.

“I know people.” She doesn’t relent—that’s the trouble with word-vomit, it just tends to keep coming. “I love Blaine because he’s real, he’s himself in everything that he does, from the silly facial expressions to the twirls when he’s dancing.” Pause for dramatic effect. “I haven’t seen the real Cooper until right now.”

There’s another pause, words sinking in, and Cooper smiles—that same part-hurt part-earnest little smile Blaine has too. _Damn_.

“They weren’t kidding about you.”

Sometimes she wishes they were.

“That’s me.” She stares down at her feet. “The Verbal One. Sticking up for people who won’t or can’t, or—don’t want me to.”

It first started when she realized she might be gay too, her first girlfriend taking notice of her in the library, throwing her backwards glances over her shoulder, secret smiles in class.

There was a short period of time where she thought her sexuality was her punishment for not sticking up for her own brother, for letting her parents talk about him without ever choosing his side. Now she thinks her loud opinions are her penance for ever believing her sexuality to be a curse.

“Which one’s my brother?”

“Blaine bottles things up,” she says. “But he’s a fighter.”

He laughs, trying to hide the tears in his eyes. “He takes after mom.”

Now she’s done it, she should just superglue her lips together.

“Look, Cooper,” she says, and takes a step away from him. “Take it from someone who has a very strained relationship with her own big brother: Blaine loves you.” Not a lie. “And he’ll love you no matter what, whether you deserve it or not, whether you want it or not. It wouldn’t hurt to tell him how you feel.”

 

#

 

He’s just finished up in the gym when he hears her voice behind him.

“Blain _ers_ ,” June calls out, quickly catching up with him in the hallway, and hooks an arm in his.

“Why are you still here?” he asks, even though the notebook clutched to her chest probably means she was in study hall or working for the newspaper.

She leans in closer and bumps shoulders with him. “To learn, Obi-Wan.”

He sniggers. “I mean why aren’t you at Six Flags?” he asks, following her to her locker.

“Because, _Mr Anderson_ , it’s _Senior_ Ditch Day and we are juniors,” she answers while opening her locker.

But he’s not still here because he’s a junior. Kurt had begged him to come to Six Flags with the others, but he couldn’t bring himself to go. Cooper being home has turned his whole world upside down, not just because of the state his friends were in over having a ‘celebrity’ teaching them acting. His parents as well—his mom had spent the week cleaning the house and getting Coop’s room ready, his father hadn’t once stopped talking about what an _example_ Cooper was.

And if that wasn’t bad enough, he had to see everyone else put Cooper on a pedestal as well. Even Mr Schue and Coach Sylvester couldn’t hide how star struck they were. June had been silent all day—usually her silence meant she had nothing to criticize and part of him felt hurt (like it had when Kurt’s eyes went wide with admiration) because that meant she liked Cooper as much as the rest of them. But at least she hadn’t praised him either.

“Thank you, by the way,” he says.

June looks at him. “What for?”

He leans against the locker. “For not saying anything about my brother.”

“Oh.” She frowns. “You’re welcome?”

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine,” she says, but does little to convince him when she breaks eye contact and continues rummaging through her locker. “I’m trying to cut back on the comment,” she adds, almost as an afterthought.

“So—you do have something to say about my brother?”

Her eyes find his immediately. “No, that’s not what—” she blurts out and shakes her head, telling him she’s anything but fine. He’s never heard her stammer before. “I’m uhm—” She looks away. “He’s a little ridiculous, I suppose, and—” but she edits herself again when she meets his eyes.

After seeing her just as googly-eyed over his brother as Kurt and his other friends he didn’t want to hear her opinion. What changed her mind?

“And?” he insists.

“A little—self-centered,” she says carefully. “Also mistaken in the belief that Abby Scuito is an _agent_ on NCIS,” she adds. He smiles to himself—of course she’d know that; June’s very serious about her television. “And I hate how he’s making you feel.”

“Wow,” he says, and smiles, partly because he’s happy someone managed to notice his discomfort with having Cooper around and partly because he feels this conversation doesn’t have to be a very heavy one. He already feels weighed down by Cooper’s criticism. “You have been holding back.”

She grins, but shakes her head again.

“Is there something else?” he asks, his eyes narrowing on her face. There’s something about the way she’s acting, biting her lips, her eyes never quite focusing, and despite the time she just spent going through her locker she hasn’t actually taken anything out. “You seem distracted.”

When she looks at him again, it’s almost like her eyes are trying to spell out an apology. She shakes her head. “I’m—working through something,” she says, her voice smaller than he’s used to hearing it.

“You want to talk about it?” he asks. He’d welcome just about any distraction at this point.

“Not yet,” she says decisively. “I’ll let you know when I’ve reached a definitive conclusion.”

She finally closes her locker.

“Coffee?” she asks, demeanor changing to something more cheerful. “I’m buying.”

He nods. “Let’s go, young Skywalker.”

“Skywalker?” she asks as they walk the length of the hallway together. “I’m _not_ an Anakin. My dark side isn’t nearly that interesting.”

He halts at the double doors and eyes her. “But you’d get to make out with Natalie Portman.”

She purses her lips and nods, thinking it through. “Fair point.” She shrugs.

He grins.

This is what he loves most about June: she has this way of being in tune with his feelings. She doesn’t need to ask what he’s feeling, or ask if he’s okay (even though she does)—somehow she always just _knows_. For some reason he’s the only person she never tries to correct or criticize—he’s often wondered why that is.

He’s noticed the opposite is true for Sebastian, except both of them sort of thrive on arguing with each other, getting under each other’s skin just for fun. He’s pretty sure that’s why they tolerate each other at all.

The thought of running into Sebastian almost stopped him from taking up June’s offer, but he could really use some caffeine and any sort of conversation that doesn’t involve Cooper. But by the time they settle down at a table at the Lima Bean (no Sebastian in sight) there’s a question nagging at him that he’s been meaning to ask her for so long, he just never has because it could be too painful for her to answer.

“What was it like when your brother left?” he blurts out.

Some part of him has wanted to know ever since he found out why June and her brother have a difficult relationship. He knows there’s an age difference between them just like Cooper and him, and he can’t help but wonder if their relationship is the same as well. Does her brother put her down or does he support her? Does her brother know she’s gay?

June looks at him, takes a deep breath and stares down at her cup of coffee, which remains untouched on the table. “I was eight when my brother told my parents he liked boys,” she says, her voice even. “It didn’t sound strange to me, but my parents—I remember my mom started crying and took me upstairs, and I could hear my dad shout at my brother downstairs. And that went on for days.”

She shakes her head, and runs a hand through her hair. “I didn’t understand. I didn’t know what my brother meant when he called my parents homophobes, or any of the horrible terms my parents threw back.”

His parents never called him any names, but he can guess at what she heard.

“I asked him—I asked him if he was sick, and he—” She smiles at the memory. “He said ‘no, I’m finally who I’m supposed to be.’” She shrugs. “And then he was gone. He took all his stuff and whatever money he had. I even emptied my piggybank. But he was gone.”

He remembers when Cooper left he was excited for him, he wanted to see his brother hit the big time and watch his dreams come true. He still wants that for Cooper.

“Do you still talk to him?” he asks carefully.

“Christmas.” She nods. “Cards. And I—I write him letters I never send.”

“Why not?”

She looks up at him, folding her hands around her coffee cup. “Because part of me is angry at him. For leaving me. For not explaining.” June casts down her eyes. “And the other part just feels guilty and sad and hypocritical. He did what I can’t do. What I’m afraid to do. I’m all bark but—”

He reaches out across the table and takes her hand—she shouldn’t ever bring herself down like that. He knows what it’s like to feel like that, to keep secrets so close to the surface that the fear of them showing occupies every thought. “It’s okay to be afraid sometimes,” he says. “Just know I will always— _always_ be here for you.”

She squeezes his hand, a hint of a smile coloring her features. “You remind me of him.”

He sits back and smiles. “So that’s why we’re friends,” he teases.

She laughs. “ _Not_ because I’m in love with you,” she jokes, but then her eyes settle in his seriously and he knows there’s little room left for joking. “But I do love you.”

He smiles. “I love you too.”


	5. Come With Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sebastian's not too happy about having to babysit his sister, but June lends him a helping hand. As the day progresses, he makes her an offer she simply cannot refuse.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> setting: au from 3x19 (Prom-asaurus)

She doesn’t know why she keeps doing it. They’re not exactly friends, and she’s not sure she’ll ever forgive him for tossing that slushy in Blaine’s face. The fact that it was _meant_ for Kurt (as he so eloquently put it later) hadn’t been a good enough reason to beg for her forgiveness. Why was he looking for it to begin with?

She’d never particularly hated Sebastian either; there was something in their discourse that was new and exciting and so _incredibly easy_ that it was hard not to be drawn to him just to have a decent talk. She doesn’t think he actually likes her, but she has to admit, yes, she kind of likes him.

At this particular occasion she knows she calls out his name because there’s a toddler seated right next to him, her lips only just reaching the straw protruding from her strawberry milkshake; a milkshake that will cover the entire table if he doesn’t start paying attention to his small haggler.

“Sebastian?” she asks.

She has no idea when exactly she started looking forward to these conversations.

 

#

 

“I don’t know if you’re aware of this, but there’s a tiny humanoid creature sitting next to you,” June says, cupping her coffee in both hands.

“I’m Belle!” his sister squeals, and he’s not sure if she actually understood any of the words that just came out of June’s mouth, or if it’s the sugar rushing to her head that’s making her crave attention.

“Hello, Belle.” June laughs, Belle’s enthusiasm infectious. “It’s so nice to meet you. My name is June.”

“My birthday’s in June!” Belle shouts for the entire coffee shop to hear.

June frowns to herself. “Mine isn’t, ironically.” He feels a smile creep to the corner of his mouth, but contains the rebellious smirk once June sits down at his table. “You never told me you had a sister.”

“Contrary to what you seem to think, you and I don’t have the same reciprocal relationship you have with Blaine,” he says, not sure when in the conversation he decided to push her away. “You just sort of blurt a lot when I’m not around. I don’t know why that is.”

“Okay.” June’s eyes go wide, but she doesn’t let off. Neither would he. “Someone’s grumpy today.”

“The step _monster_ is having a spa day,” he says. “So I’m stuck with this rug rat all day.”

Belle’s tiny fist lands on his forearm. “Mean.” She pouts, but he ignores her.

“You’ve never babysat before?” June asks. He’s sure he doesn’t even need to shake his head. June looks at Belle. “Well, _Belle_.” She smiles. “It seems we need to teach your big brother how to have some fun.”

Belle giggles.

“I know how to have fun,” he says in his defense, wondering at what point in the conversation he decided to give her the upper hand.

June looks at him and pouts. No, wait, _what_ —?

“Are you sure about that, Mr Grumpy Face?” she asks, in the same manner he’s only ever seen his stepmother and the nanny address Belle.

Belle throws her head back and laughs, and yeah, he really can’t help it, he’s laughing too.

 

#

 

“Congratulations on your win at Nationals,” Sebastian says, reluctantly waving at his sister when she swings by on the carrousel (apparently it’s something that _one does_ ).

June looks at him, bumps her shoulder against his. “I never thought I’d actually hear you speak those words.” He smiles. “Thanks.”

“Thought for sure you’d still be celebrating.”

“Oh, we celebrated,” June says. “For a few nights. But finals are coming up and for some reason I let Rachel talk me into joining the yearbook committee.”

“Please,” he says. “Rachel Berry only ever acts out of self-interest. She knows you’re the best writer at that school.”

June looks at him, but there’s no snappy comeback, no sarcastic _I never knew you felt that way_ , not even a playful fist to the shoulder. She just smiles, and waves at Belle with both hands when she circles by.

Something stirs in the pit of his stomach, something he’s long since forgotten how to name.

 

#

 

It’s always strange to see him out of his Warbler outfit. But with temperatures already reaching in the high 80s she hadn’t expected him to be clad in that many layers. He’s wearing a blue-striped polo shirt now that’s (in her opinion) a little too tight around the chest—it shows off his (quite frankly) impressive biceps and somehow in combination with the jeans makes him appear even taller.

Belle tugs at her skirt. “Are you my brother’s girlfriend?” the little girl asks, tongue darting out to lick her ice cream.

“I—” she frowns. “No, I’m not.”

“Why not, Bastian?” Belle looks up at her brother, almost insulted by her answer. “Mommy says you’ll go to hell if you don’t find a girlfriend!” she shouts—several people in the park turn to look at them.

“I’m pretty sure that’s not exactly what she said,” Sebastian answers.

“Is to!” Belle shouts, and kicks her brother right in the shins. Sebastian halts in his tracks and winces, but manages to stop himself from rubbing the sore spot. She’s pretty sure it’ll bruise though.

She looks after Belle, making sure she doesn’t wander off too far. “She takes after you,” she says, then smiles up at Sebastian.

He feigns insult. “That’s the meanest thing you’ve ever said to me.”

They continue to walk in comfortable silence—she wonders briefly if this is just his way of thanking her for helping him babysit, but decides quickly she doesn’t really care for his reasons. The weather is divine, the anticipation of summer is in the air and Sebastian’s not the worst company. She realizes there have been silences between her and Kurt that have been far more awkward.

“Your parents know you’re gay?” she asks, once Belle is well out of hearing range.

Sebastian grimaces. “Since my dad remarried we have a strict _don’t-ask don’t-tell_ policy.”

She thinks that says more about his stepmother than him; Sebastian doesn’t hide who he is—it was part of what attracted her to Blaine and Kurt in the first place, so why wouldn’t she admire it in him? Still, in Sebastian’s case there’s something magnetic that keeps pulling her back in. She hasn’t decided what to call it yet.

 

#

 

“Got any plans for the summer?” June calls out to him, finishing her ice cream while he pushes Belle’s swing (apparently that’s the _big brother thing_ to do). She’s sat herself down on one of the logs lining the playground.

“Dad’s taking us all to Paris again.”

“Skiing in the Alps, summer in Paris.” She looks up at him, raising a hand to her forehead to shield her eyes from the sun. “No wonder you’re so pretentious.”

Belle hops off the swing, bored already, and makes her way up the monkey bars. He makes his way back to June, her shoes tossed aside so she can bury her toes in the sand. “What are your plans?” he asks, sitting down next to her. “Other than third-wheeling Kurt and Blaine’s long goodbye?”

She must have thought about it; he hadn’t heard anything about a break-up so he assumed Kurt and Blaine would spend their summer preparing for one. June shrugs. “Thought about taking some writing courses,” she says. “I know it’s not exactly Paris, but we can’t all—”

“Come with me,” he blurts out, but he’s fairly sure he means it.

“Excuse me?”

“To Paris,” he says. He could probably still talk his way out of this, but the curious thing is he doesn’t want to. “Come with me.” June eyes him suspiciously. He grins. “There’s no catch. You’ve seen _Midnight In Paris_?”

“Of course.”

“Then you know it’s one of the most inspirational cities in the world. The Louvre, Montmartre, _Les Champs-Elysées_.” He’ll spare her any details of Paris’ _very_ interesting nightlife. “Come on, Wilder, you’re a writer. Live a little.”

He wonders at what point during the past year he decided that maybe he really _is_ her friend.

 

#

 

“Paris?” her mother’s eyes go wide, fork hovering mid-air before it’s placed back in her plate.

“Smythe?” Her father frowns. “The state-attorney’s son?”

“Yes, daddy.”

She jumps when her father’s hand lands on the table hard. “Well, I’ll be damned!” he shouts.

Her mother beams a smile. “He must really like you.”

She wants to protest and tell her parents, no, Sebastian and her aren’t like that at all, but she doesn’t. Instead she talks about the Louvre, and Montmartre and the Champs-Elysées; she promises her mother that she’ll be in enough pictures to actually prove she went to Paris, and the day before she leaves she pretends she didn’t see her mother sneak a pack of condoms into her luggage.

It’s a mother’s relief combined with parental concern, and it almost makes her laugh, until she remembers she does like girls, and a familiar burden’s placed squarely on her shoulders again.

She’s not entirely sure, but she thinks that a _don’t-ask don’t-tell_ policy might actually make her feel better at this point in her life.

 

#

 

“And you said yes?”

“It’s _Paris_ , Blaine,” she stresses, and settles down in the armchair so that Kurt can cuddle up to Blaine on the couch. The Hummels are out for the night, and Finn’s out with Rachel.

“I know, but—” He shakes his head.

“What else am I supposed to do?” she asks. “You and Kurt are going to spend the entire summer in each other’s arms, almost everyone else already has plans.” She slumps back in her chair. “I don’t want to spend my summer road-tripping with my parents to the world’s largest ball of yarn while they pretend we’re the perfect family. I want to have an adventure.”

Kurt joins them from the kitchen and wrinkles his nose. “With Sebastian?” he asks.

“He lived there for eight years.” She shrugs. “He’s going to help me get my bearings and then we’ll probably not even see each other all summer. But I’ll be in—”

“In Paris,” Blaine fills in. “Right.”

She looks at both of them and raises an eyebrow. “And I’ll be out of your way.”


	6. This Side Of You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> June makes it to Paris, but what now? Sebastian and his family take her on a trip through Europe she won't soon forget, and Sebastian shows her a part of his world she doesn't think he's shown anyone else.

“Wait, what?” her eyes go wide in question.

“Paris is our home away from home,” Sebastian answers, carrying in her bags from the car. His stepmom had insisted he help her with her luggage. “I can show you all the great places to go here, but are you really going to pass up the opportunity to see more of Europe?”

“I can’t afford to be here as it is,” her voice rises in pitch. “I can’t—”

“Nonsense, sweetheart,” Sebastian’s stepmom – _Diana_ – joins them in the living room. “We’re just happy to have you.” She puts a hand around her shoulder and pulls her closer. “Did you know this is the first year Sebastian’s brought someone?”

Sebastian grimaces. “That’s because I make friends everywhere I go.”

Diana Smythe turns and grabs hold of his face with one hand. “Oh hush,” she says, shaking his face in a gesture that’s both condescending and motherly. “We’re not fighting on our first day here.”

She smiles to herself—she never thought she’d get to see Sebastian in a family environment in her life and it’s refreshing. They’re not the perfect family, but she can tell the Smythes love each other despite their differences. She wishes her family was like this, that her brother was still around for road trips, that they laughed and cried and hell, even _fought_ from time to time. Anything but the silence they live in.

Sebastian’s not the villain, he’s just not used to showing his affection the way she does.

“She cares about you,” she says once Diana is out of sight.

Sebastian’s eyes shoot up instantly. “She doesn’t—” He shakes his head, but when he meets her eyes she thinks she recognizes some hint of defeat. He’s lived with her for six years, some part of him has to care about her too. “Whatever.” Maybe he’s just too proud to admit it. “So, what do you say? You up for a few road trips?”

“Where?” she asks.

He grins. “Where do you want to go?”

 

#

“I don’t get it,” she says, tilting her head.

“I’m not sure that’s the point,” Sebastian says, but he’s struggling to keep from laughing.

She leans closer to Sebastian; they might not understand the local language, but she’s pretty sure almost everyone else understands them. “It’s a little guy—”

“He’s peeing!” Belle shouts, finally having pushed her brother out of the way and getting a good look at the small statue of a boy peeing. “Bastian, why’s he peeing?” Belle asks, _loudly_ , and by the time they make it out of the crowd even Sebastian’s blushing.

“Maybe we should go to this—Atomium,” she suggests, checking her tourist guide for other things to do in Brussels.

“What’s that again?”

She has to squint to read the small print on the sun-soaked page. “A remnant of the 1958 World’s Fair, it’s a giant iron crystal.” That doesn’t sound all that much better, but at least Belle won’t be able to embarrass them too much. She looks up at Sebastian, who looks just about ready to dump Belle in a store somewhere. “Mini-Europe’s right next to it.”

“Can we go see it, Bastian?” Belle looks up at her big brother, tugging at his shorts. She doesn’t understand how Sebastian can resist that cute little face when she gets all pouty, yet she imagines he downplays his affection. “Can we, _please_?”

They take the subway—it’s hot and overcrowded and somewhere between being squished against the doors and getting her hair stuck on someone’s zipper Belle starts screaming murder and mayhem. It takes a lollipop, some soothing words and Sebastian picking her up to quiet her down again. But as soon as she lays eyes on the Atomium (which is really just a giant magnification of an iron crystal) she’s back to running around and squealing and taking pictures with the disposable camera Sebastian got her. 

“You know, I could stand to live here,” Sebastian says.

She looks up at him, but he’s staring out into oblivion. “Really?”

“The Belgian government temporarily deposed its own king to legalize abortion over twenty years ago,” he says. “They support same-sex marriage and made it possible for gay couples to adopt.”

“I never knew you were so political.”

It’s not what she means to say. What she wants to say is that she never thought him _sentimental_ over things like that, let alone open up to her about it. She’s reminded of what his stepmom said about never bringing any friends before—why did he ask her? Did he really consider her one of his friends, or did he sympathize with her situation at home?

“State-attorney’s son.” Sebastian shrugs. “It’s practically in my blood.”

“Bastian! June!” Belle shouts, even though she’s only a few feet away. “It’s a tiny Eiffel tower!”

She laughs; she thinks it’s long been decided that Belle Smythe is her kryptonite and there’s little the young girl can’t get her to do. She’s loud and entirely too energetic even for her age, but she likes the thought of young Sebastian being exactly like her. Teenage Sebastian stares at her now, probably wondering why she’s encouraging Belle, but she waves it off. “You’re the one who wanted to bring her.”

 

#

“You’re not seriously going to write them a postcard from every city we visit,” Sebastian says, looking up from his book.

They’re on a train headed to Amsterdam. Sebastian took the seat next to her to avoid sitting with his parents. Belle’s asleep across her parents’ laps.

“Yes, I am,” she answers, putting the finishing touches on the postcard. “They’re my friends.”

She can hear him judging her. “Email’s easier.”

“ _Postcard’s more personal_ ,” she says, deepening her voice to mimic and mock him at the same time. Sebastian knows she’s been emailing Blaine every week about everything she can’t fit onto a postcard.

“Anything specific you want to see in Amsterdam?” he asks. “We don’t have to take Belle today.”

_We?_ she thinks, and looks at him sideways, but he’s already immersed in his book again. What happened to helping her get her bearings and letting her go her own way? She doesn’t say it, in fact she’s come to enjoy his company more than she thought she would. Maybe it’s because they’re vacationing or away from Ohio, but she likes that he’s less guarded, not plotting all the time. He’s normally so careful in his choice of words, but she decides not to call him out on it.

“Anne Frank’s house,” she answers instead. “And the Van Gogh museum.”

“They have a sex museum,” he says. Now there’s the Sebastian she knows. “Only 2.5 euros income.”

“You can go visit that by yourself.”

“Come on, Wilder, where’s your sense of adventure?”

“I’m trekking through Europe with you, Smythe,” she says. “I’m not sure I can get more adventurous than this.”

 

#

_Are you ready?_ someone behind her asks, but she finishes zipping up her boot before she turns around. _Born ready_ , she answers, running a hand down her stomach, her outfit something skin-tight and black. He grins, _that_ grin, takes another step closer to her. _Let’s go_ , he whispers, his breath hot, lips ghosting over her skin.

She pushes him into the door, lock breaking, but his hands latch onto the doorframe and keep him from falling backwards. _I know you’re not the one_ , she sings while one of her hands twists into his hair, the other on his torso. He feels hot through the black muscle shirt, his skin flushed. _But I can tell that this is gonna be fun_. She pulls him closer, the only cold thing his belt buckle grazing her abdomen.

He’s glorious, stands six feet tall and stares down at her with lust-filled eyes. _Oh, I won’t hesitate a lot_ , she bites her lip, lets him run his hands down to her waist, his fingertips digging into her. _But I can show you what to feel inside_.

_So show me how to feel_ , he whispers.

Both her hands are on his chest now and she pushes him back hard—he lands on a couch and she laughs. _She’s_ glorious, wrapped up close in a fabric that breathes; _you sexy thing and yeah you know it_. And him, meerkat smirk up at her—she feels like wiping it clean off. She’s the one in charge.

_You move it right and yeah you show it_.

She sits down on top of him, straddling his hips between her thighs. _I’m not in love_ , words to a song she doesn’t know. _It’s just a phase that I’m going through_. He traces kisses down her neck, fingers drawing circles at the small of her back. A fire starts inside her, just below the waist, something slow burning— _I’m always looking for something new_ , his tongue trailing a wet and hot path down between her breasts.

_But don’t go running away_ , she pulls his head back by his hair and nudges her nose against his. He gasps, his lips parting against hers, theirs brushing together. _Come on_. Her tongue darts out, teases his lips, but he draws her in deeper, tongue pushing past her teeth, his hips bucking up into her—

Something starts ringing behind her—

She shoots up in bed and it takes her several seconds to realize the scream echoing through the room is her own. Her chest heaves with deep breaths. She takes in the room: same hotel room, the phone ringing with her morning wake-up call—she’s definitely awake. Part of her still throbs underneath the sheets when she picks up the phone, listens to the receptionist mutter something indistinguishable and hangs up again.

There’s a knock from the adjoining room; she presses her legs together.

“June?” she hears Sebastian ask.

She sighs (or moans, there’s little difference at the moment) and drags herself out of the bed, opening the door.

“Everything okay?” Sebastian asks, eyebrows shooting up. It’s only then that she realizes she’s only wearing a tank top and panties—the room had air-conditioning but she hadn’t been able to figure it out. And Sebastian—is only wearing boxers, his hair sticking up in spikes, eyes still sleep-shot. She doesn’t manage to pull her eyes away from his bare chest, all lean muscle and—

She clears her throat.

“I’m fine,” she says, crossing her arms over her chest, self-conscious suddenly. She’s never had to be careful about what to wear around anyone, and she shouldn’t feel it around Sebastian, but after the dream she just had—there’s something entirely unsatisfied settling in the pit of her stomach. What is happening to her? She doesn’t have sexy dreams about _boys_ , let alone Sebastian.

“You were screaming.”

“Was I?” She rubs her eyes and feigns ignorance, hoping to shift the focus of the conversation. The last thing she needs is him asking what she was dreaming about. “Must’ve been a nightmare.”

He grins. Mission accomplished. “Get dressed,” he says. “If you want to see the Vatican Museum you need to be early.”

 

#

Why couldn’t she just have listened to Kurt? He told her to pack more dresses, just because it sounded more _Parisian_. She didn’t actually own that many dresses, but at least Sebastian’s stepmother wouldn’t be _making_ her one from an old black skirt. They’ve been in the bathroom for almost an hour when the skirt suddenly becomes a strapless dress on her, a belt added to accentuate her waist. June has no idea how she does it but Diana has a real talent for these things.

She lets Diana do her make-up, something she’s not used to doing herself and another half hour passes before she hears Sebastian’s impatient knocks on the door.

“Are you almost done in there?”

She looks at herself in the mirror, her chest and shoulders more exposed than she’s used to, hair styled in long wavy curls. She looks like a different person.

“Everything okay, sweetheart?” Diana asks, and for the first time she answers with a lie.

“I’m fine,” she says, even though she’s fighting back tears.

Her mom never does this with her.

“Doesn’t she look darling?” Diana asks once they finally make it out of the bathroom.

“What do you think?” she asks, and looks up at Sebastian. He’s wearing a white V-neck t-shirt and some washed out jeans. She’s never seen him like this, even during the past two and a half months he’s never looked— _serene_. 

“You look—” He clears his throat. “—yeah.” He nods, but doesn’t peel his eyes away for long moments. It’s making her more self-conscious than it should. “We should go.”

They take a cab downtown to a nightclub Sebastian’s been visiting almost every week. With only two more weeks of summer to go he’d insisted she tag along.

“You’ve been clubbing before?” Sebastian asks as he helps her out of the car. She doesn’t know why he’s so surprised.

“I actually did have a love life at my old school,” she answers, but doesn’t go into it further. She used to go out dancing with her girlfriend all the time (under the guise of going out with a friend who was a girl) but all that stopped when Sarah dumped her. And she can’t say she really blamed her; Sarah wanted to date someone who was out, she wanted to be able to hold her hand and kiss her in public. But she couldn’t be that girl.

A man and a woman approach them outside the club and both hug Sebastian. “Miss June, this is Pierre and Sophie,” he introduces them. _Pierre_ has short-cropped black hair, a lean build not unlike Sebastian, but he’s about a head shorter. Sophie’s hair is the same but blonde. “Pierre, mon amie June.”

Pierre takes her hand and presses a kiss to it. “Enchanté,” he says.

She can’t suppress a giggle. “Nice to meet you.”

“ _We meet you inside?_ ” he mutters in broken English, before picking a cigarette from behind his ear and dragging his girlfriend along with him.

“He was my first love,” Sebastian says.

She whirls around. “Your—” she starts, but that’s not really what she wants to say. “But he’s—” _straight_ , she means to say, but then that’s not necessarily true.

“Also the first one to break my heart,” Sebastian adds.

She looks at him carefully, but he’s lost in thought again. Why is he suddenly sharing this with her? She didn’t think Sebastian Smythe did feelings at all, let alone share them so spontaneously. She thinks that maybe for the first time she sees him in a state he encourages her to try, _loose_ , and she loves it. There’s a person underneath all his layers, one she never saw in Ohio, one he probably doesn’t show to a great many people.

“Have you ever—dated girls?” she asks, trying her luck.

He shrugs. “That’s your department.”

She can’t tell if he’s telling the truth or not. She’s never dated a guy herself, so far Sarah had been her first and only love, the only person she was _loose_ with, but she refuses to believe she can’t recapture that with anyone else.

She only has one drink, because she wants to avoid flirting with Sebastian again the way she had in Madrid and she wants to remember every moment of this night. Sebastian dances with different guys all night, and Pierre and his girlfriend alternate between chatting with her at the bar and dragging her onto the dance floor. She’s laughing and spinning and speaking bad French, and she’s free. She’s flying.

By the end of the night (or the early hours of the dawn really) she’s kissing some exotic Italian beauty and nothing matters anymore—for a good two hours she’s in love with a girl named Serena, she’s a different person in a different world, unafraid. She falls apart and shatters and breaks her in return under soft and hot touches and sloppy kisses in a bathroom stall. She’s who she’s meant to be.

“Did you have fun?” Sebastian asks her in the car. She’s tucked snug under his arm to keep from getting cold. 

“I feel infinite,” she smiles, and starts dozing off, the movements of the car softly lulling her to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> References:  
> o1. song in dream sequence: I'm Not In Love; Enrique Iglesias ft. Kelis  
> o2. "And in that moment I swear we were infinite": The Perks of Being a Wallflower by Stephen Chobsky  
> o3. the 'little guy peeing' = Manneke Pis = according to popular belief there once was a little guy who stopped a fire by peeing on it


	7. Non je ne regrette rien

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sebastian's point of view on the time he spent in Paris.

The wind whistles in his ears when they finally reach the top; he’d dared her to climb the steps instead of taking the elevator, but he’s regretting that now. His calves are burning up. He never thought she’d be able to keep up.

“Is it everything you thought it would be?” he asks, looking out over Paris, stretched out below them not unlike it had done in miniature in Brussels.

“We’re on top of the Eiffel tower,” she answers, standing close to him because of the crowd. “In _Paris_ ,” she stresses. “It’s better than I ever imagined.”

He shrugs. “It’s just a city.” He doesn’t mean it. Paris isn’t just a city, it was his mother’s favorite place in the world, and it’s the reason his father still returns to it every year. His stepmom thankfully never minded. His mom loved everything about Paris: the fashion, the language, the people, the wine, the food. He knows he loves it for all those reasons and more. He has so many memories here.

“Why did you ask me to come?” June asks suddenly—he expected the question weeks ago, but he thinks maybe she chose to show gratitude up until now rather than tempt fate by asking.

So he lies, for fun. “Charity,” he says.

June rolls her eyes.

He grins, and leans closer to her, hands in his pockets. “You’re not the worst company,” he confesses. The one other person who would have been even better company is still in Ohio, saying goodbye to his boyfriend. No, June was definitely the better choice. Blaine would have turned him down.

“And Belle loves you,” he adds.

June doesn’t say anything. She just stands and stares out over Paris and smiles, content. Just like his mother used to.

 

#

“The _Rathaus Schöneberg_ ,” June reads aloud from her tourist guide (he doesn’t know where she keeps getting them) once they’re all settled down in the shade.

Belle giggles. “That sounds silly.”

“Where Kennedy gave him infamous speech and said _Ich bin ein Berliner_ ,” he says, lounging back in the grass. He doesn’t know how he remembers these things—politics isn’t in his blood even though that’s what he tells people, it’s just something he got into for his father.

“Ten points to Smythe house,” June says; she’s been reading Belle the _Harry Potter_ books to get her to bed at night.

She takes off her shoes (it seems to be a thing) and stretches her legs out in front of her.

For a gay guy he’s always quite appreciated the female body, curvy in ways a man’s simply isn’t. June’s no Santana, but she has her attributes; long brown hair curled up in a bun now, a tiny nose that does not lend itself to sunglasses because she keeps having to push them back in place. She’s not athletic but she’s naturally slim, her breasts two perfect handfuls, flat stomach that dips a little lower—he’s lucky she seems distracted by the view. 

That is until Belle gets up, attracts both their attention, points a tiny finger at the city hall and shouts: “ _Ik bin an believer!_ ”

It happens simultaneously; he snorts and June belts out a laugh so loud almost everyone in the square hears it—she slumps down in the grass and just keeps laughing, a hand on her stomach, her entire body shaking. It gets to the point where he has to run after Belle, because she’s stomping away, angry over June’s reaction.

 

#

“You’ve never been to London?” she asks loudly, and several people on the subway (or rather, _underground_ ) stare at them. “Sebastian, you’ve been _everywhere_!” she adds, her voice more controlled now. “You’re a Warbler!”

“What does that have to do with anything?” he asks. He’s already decided he doesn’t like London; he’s been to a lot of metropolitan cities but this underground system is entirely too claustrophobic for him. He knew there was a reason he’d never been here.

“The West End?” she asks, and he’s glad she doesn’t add a ‘duh.’ They already look American enough. “I feel like any moment you’re going to tell me you’ve never been to New York.”

“Who knew you were such a fangirl for the performing arts?” he asks, looking for a distraction in any form. They get on the Piccadilly Line to get to Leicester Square, but just the sight of the jam-packed cart makes his head spin. But he’s not about to show that to June. “I always thought Blaine had to force you into New Directions.”

“I love to sing.” She shrugs. He wonders if she’s any good; so far he’s only heard her sing with the rest of the New Directions. “I was just never brave enough to be on a stage.” She grabs hold of a yellow bar over his head, trying to keep her balance. “I still get shaky every time.”

The words are out before he realizes: “Most performers do.”

She looks up at him, a twinkle in her eye. “Even Sebastian Smythe?”

“No,” he lies, but doesn’t know why. He shouldn’t feel this incessant need to prove himself to her. He’s only ever felt like this once before: when he found out about Karofsky’s suicide attempt. The need to prove himself, to apologize to Blaine, to make sure _someone_ knew he wasn’t the villain of the story had been overwhelming. That’s how he feels around June too.

“Tell you what—” he says, another way of distracting himself from things he thought he’d long since put behind him. “I’ll treat you to a West End musical if you take Belle off my hands for the next two weeks.”

She smiles wide. “That’s not even a challenge.”

 

#

“Come on, dance with me,” she begs, attempting to tug him to the dance floor. They arrived in Madrid only a few hours ago, but the hot weather and long journey had exhausted them both, so he’d suggested they just go out for a light dinner and some drinks.

“You’re drunk,” he says, even though he’s already had one too many as well. Luckily they’re only down in the hotel bar and won’t need to go far to find their hotel rooms again. The downside is they’re only playing traditional guitar and flamenco music.

“Not _that_ drunk.” She points at him. He raises an eyebrow. “Oh come on, you’re the one always telling me to loosen up. _To let go_ ,” she lowers her voice mockingly.

And then, he doesn’t know what happens or why, but she transforms in front of his eyes—she changes from a pouty drunk teenage girl into someone who knows her body, glides a step closer to him, one hand on his chest, staring up at him from under her eyelashes.

“ _Dance_ with me,” she demands.

He swallows hard. Maybe it’s the alcohol, maybe it’s the warmth of another human body pressing against his own that he responds to, but his cheeks (and something else much lower) flush hot and he can only think of one thing. He wants to kiss her, sink down to meet her lips, wrap his arms around her—

He shakes his head. No, this isn’t him, this must be the booze going to his head, messing with his brain. He’s gay. He doesn’t feel this way around girls. And June shouldn’t be acting like this around him.

She’s definitely drunk; she pushes her body up against his and oh _boy_ , he _really_ needs a distraction. Maybe he should take her up on her offer.

“Do you even know how?” he asks, in as straight a tone of voice as he can muster. Not that she’d notice.

She smiles up at him. “Do you?”

He grins. He has no clue how flamenco works, but he does know how to dance. And he’s pretty sure he’s better at it than her. He takes her by the hand and leads her to the dance floor—she laughs when he twirls her around under his arm.

“You’ve been holding back, Mr Smythe,” she says once she’s settled against his chest again, her eyes alight with blues and greens and reds.

He shouldn’t have had those drinks.

“I wasn’t aware I was meant to impress you.”

He shouldn’t have _let her_ drink.

 

#

After Amsterdam and London he didn’t think he could see June more excited over visiting museums. That is until they hit Rome. This time she recognizes Piazza Navona and the Trevi Fountain without needing a book to tell her what they are. She all but squeals when she lays eyes on the Pantheon and immediately positions herself between the tall circular building and her camera—apparently her mother had insisted she take pictures of herself as proof.

He thinks it’s cute, except he’d never say that about anyone, let alone a girl. Still, there’s something about June, in her interactions with him, his sister and even his parents—maybe it’s because they’re vacationing, but she’s let her guard down. There’s no parents to worry about, no one that’ll run home and tell them what they saw their little girl do. She’s unafraid; she’s not editing herself like she sometimes does even in Blaine’s company.

Maybe that’s why he does it, to ensure her fearlessness even when she returns home, maybe it’s something he hasn’t figured out himself yet—he manoeuvres himself in front of her camera as well, and presses a kiss to her cheek just as she takes the picture.

“What are you doing?” she asks, jerking away from him violently.

“We have to make it look good, right?” he asks and looks down at her, not sacrificing an inch of space between them.

She frowns. “What for?”

“For your parents.”

June casts down her eyes and takes a step back. He hates how it shows, her fear and panic, even though there’s no need for it in front of him. He knows Dave Karofsky felt that same fear, of being found out, of being exposed, and look where that landed him. They’re not the same people, June isn’t in denial about her feelings, but she hides who she is from the two people who are meant to care for her above everything else. He couldn’t help Karofsky, he _didn’t_ help Karofsky, no matter what sad excuses he made about raising money for charity. If he can help June by posing for some silly pictures—where’s the harm in that?

“It’s okay.” He shrugs. “I don’t mind.”

She shakes her head. “It’s not okay.” Her eyes dig their way into his. “I don’t enjoy lying to my parents.”

“What they don’t know can’t hurt them.”

“That’s just the thing—I _want_ them to know,” she stresses. Her eyes are fearless. “I want to be brave like my brother was. Like Blaine and Kurt are.” She takes another step back and turns her back on him. “Like you are.”

“I’m not—” He shakes his head and looks away too. _Brave?_ he thinks, he’s not brave. He just got lucky with his own parents (though that’s only a matter of perspective). His mother died before he’d figured out much of anything with regards to liking boys or girls, and his father was always too busy to really care. June’s parents—he suspects they care, but for all the wrong reasons.

He shrugs. “That’s what friends are for.”

She looks at him, but doesn’t ask. _Are_ they friends?

 

#

“Hey, rug rat,” he says softly. Belle’s snuggled safely under June’s arm, her tiny frame in the crook of June’s body on the sofa. When Belle looks at him he puts his index finger to his lips, then points back at June. Belle looks up at June.

Her mouth forms around a silent ‘oh’ before she looks at him. “She’s asleep!” she whispers.

“Come here,” he says softly, hoping he doesn’t wake June. She had a long and eventful night out—it was his fault, he’d insisted she go clubbing at least once while they were here, but she’d seemed to have had fun. _A lot_ of fun, judging by the Italian exchange student she ended up dancing and making out with most of the night. _And_ disappeared with for the better part of an hour.

Belle eyes him suspiciously.

“Come on,” he says, and holds out his arm so she can snuggle up to him instead. “I won’t bite.”

She looks back at June once before looking at him with big eyes. “But June always sings the songs with me.”

“That’ll wake her up,” he says, but then she does that little pout thing with her lips June (and who’s he kidding, almost everyone else) always falls for. She knows what effect it has on people and it works every time—strangely this time, it also works on him. He sighs: “We’ll go watch in your room.”

He gets up from the couch, his head throbbing from his hangover.

“Bastian, here!” Belle says, and how she manages to squeal even in a whisper is beyond him. There’s a rolled up blanket in her arms, and he knows it’s meant for June—she spends entirely too much time watching television, he thinks, who does this in real life? But he does as he’s commanded, to avoid any anger tantrums or another pout, and carefully drapes the blanket over June. She moans and shifts slightly, but she doesn’t wake up.

He makes his way to Belle’s bedroom, which is about as pink as her, and sits down on the floor, leaning back against the bed, while Belle plunks down behind him on her belly.

They’re halfway through the movie when he feels Belle’s arms wrap around his neck. “Bastian,” her tiny voice asks. “Why’s June not your girlfriend?”

He laughs, and wonders if he’ll ever hear the end of this. “It’s not that simple,” he says.

Her arms tighten around his neck. “Why not?” she asks seriously.

Part of him envies his little sister’s naïve look on love, but for him it stopped being simple when he met Pierre—he didn’t know what he was feeling, his mom was gone, and he couldn’t talk to his stepmother about being attracted to _boys_. He had to figure things out himself and that didn’t always go as planned. He got hurt and broken and rejected, but he’d learned how to get by.

He would give about anything not to have this conversation with a six-year old. How do you tell your fairy-tale princess sister that her brother likes boys and her new best friend likes girls?

“June doesn’t like boys,” he answers eventually, because when it comes between his own ‘dislike’ of girls and June’s love of girls, he thinks his stepmother would prefer Belle hear the latter.

Belle answers in the only way she knows how: “She likes you.”


	8. Nice To Meet You (All Over Again)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Senior year has started, and without Kurt Blaine's been feeling miserable. To top that off, Paris seems to have brought Sebastian and June closer together. He thinks back to when he first met June, and when he witnessed June and Sebastian meet for the first time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter starts and ends with a flashback, and clearly doesn't follow the events from the show anymore.

He remembers the first time he saw June. She was standing at the front desk of the administrations office while he was there to hand in some forms to finalize his transfer to McKinley. It was meant as a surprise for Kurt, he’d gotten some cheerleaders to help him out with a musical number, and he was so incredibly giddy about it he guesses it showed.

“Nice bowtie,” she’d called over.

He twisted on his heels immediately because anyone complementing his outfit (or anyone being nice to him really) was worth his attention. At the other end of the desk stood a girl around his age in a plain white t-shirt that read ‘STOP MAKING SENSE’, salmon skinny jeans, beige scarf and matching beanie, and grey sneakers that didn’t go with the rest of her outfit at all. 

“Thanks,” he answered, even though he couldn’t decide if she meant it or was just poking fun.

“I’m sorry, dear, did you say _Wiler_?” one of the secretaries asked the girl.

“Wil _der_ ,” she stressed. “June Wilder.”

“You’re new here too?” he asked, walking over to her.

She turned her head, looked at him and smiled, a smile so bright it couldn’t come from anywhere but an honest place. “First day.” She nodded. “I’m June.”

“Blaine.”

“I don’t suppose you want to stick with me for a while?” she asked, her tone confident. He’d never met anyone so forward before. Until he met Sebastian, that is. “Until we get our bearings?” she added.

He liked the idea of making a new friend on his first day at McKinley, but he really had to go meet up with Kurt. “I have to go meet my boyfriend right now,” he said. “But maybe we can sit together at lunch?”

Her eyes widened, and for a second he feared she’d reject his offer, that some latent homophobia would make her smile disappear, but instead she only smiled wider. “Sure,” she said. “I’d like that.”

He headed for the door.

“I wasn’t being sarcastic by the way,” she called after him. He turned around and frowned. “The bowtie,” she explained. “It’s cool.”

He grinned and pointed at her. “Lunch.”

 

#

 

He’s miserable. School started only two weeks ago and everything already reminds him of Kurt. Someone else using his locker, like he’d been replaced somehow. There were the empty seats in the choir room, all filled up again now, but not with Kurt. The absence of him is everywhere—in his conversations, in class, even though they never had any classes together, at his house, despite of the pictures they put up together over the summer. He’s just not there anymore. He knew it was going to hurt, that it wouldn’t be easy, especially the first few days. But it’s been two weeks now and it hasn’t gotten any better.

“I still can’t believe we got new members so quickly,” June says, standing next to him in line at the Lima Bean.

“A Nationals win is a great incentive.”

Mr Schue had hit the ground running this year: there were audition signup sheets on all the bulletin boards, in the cafeteria and in the locker rooms; they’d given an impromptu performance of _I Gotta Feeling_ by The Black Eyed Peas in the quad and somehow he’d even gotten permission to broadcast a gleeful message over the school’s sound system. It’d taken only a few days for them to find new members to get to the mandatory dozen, to _exceed_ it even.

Tina and Sugar came back, of course, along with Rory, Artie, Joe and Sam, him and June, and Brittany was repeating her senior year. Among the new recruits there was Brett, the new school quarterback—it made him wonder if all quarterbacks were secretly blessed with musical talent. Brittany brought in two new cheerleaders, Shannon and Vanessa. And then there were two new sophomore additions, Josh and Kay. Mr Schue was _ecstatic_ about the new Glee club.

A sentiment he found hard to share with anyone right now, even after he and Tina were made co-captains.

“Hey.” He feels June’s hand at the back of his neck. “You okay?” she asks.

“Yeah,” he lies. He shakes his head. “I just have to get used to not seeing him every day.”

“It’ll work out, you know,” June says. She’s been his voice of optimism these past two weeks. “It’s only a year. _Less_. He’ll visit. You’ll visit. And we both have amazing things to look forward to in the mean time.”

He nods and smiles softly, but it’s nothing he hasn’t heard before and it doesn’t really make him feel better. He hopes June doesn’t tire of him acting like this.

“June!” he hears a high-pitched voice shout behind them suddenly and before he knows what’s happening there’s a small girl clinging to June’s leg.

June doesn’t seem spooked so he assumes this is Belle Smythe, Sebastian’s half-sister. “Hey, princess,” June smiles, brushing the little girl’s hair from her face. 

Next the little girl’s looking up at him with her big green eyes—she looks like Sebastian, he catches himself thinking, but pushes the thought away almost as soon as it occurred. Where is Sebastian? Does he let his sister run around freely?

“Is this your boyfriend?” Belle asks.

June laughs. “No, this is my friend Blaine.”

Belle pouts.

“He already has a boyfriend,” a much more familiar voice joins the conversation. When Blaine looks up he’s staring at Sebastian’s beaming smile, which has more of an effect on him than he cares to admit.  Sebastian’s eyes linger on him and as usual it makes him feel slightly self-conscious. It’d be so much easier to relax around Sebastian if he wasn’t so obvious in his attraction to him. “Hey, killer, how’ve you been?”

Before he gets the chance to answer Sebastian looks down at Belle. “What did I tell you about running off?”

She sticks out her tongue, arms still around June’s leg. “I don’t have to listen to you!” she shouts. June told him Belle was a loud little thing, but he thought she’d been exaggerating up until now. “Mommy said you’re a bad influence, I heard her tell daddy.”

“You’re making that up,” Sebastian says, hands in his pockets.

“Am not!”

“Honey,” June interrupts, probably noticing how everyone’s now staring at the four of them. “Belle.” She goes to her knees to meet Belle at eye-level. “You know, I have a big brother too.”

“Is he mean like Bastian?”

June smiles to herself and shakes her head. It’s clear she’s dealt with this before. “All big brothers are a little mean,” she says. Blaine wonders if she really means that, or if she’s just fine-tuning her speech to what she knows about Sebastian and Belle’s relationship. “But that doesn’t mean you don’t have to listen to him. I learned a lot of things from my brother.”

This seems to catch Belle’s attention: she retreats towards Sebastian, leaning back against his legs. She reaches up a hand and Sebastian takes it in one of his own. Blaine blinks: who is this guy? It’s not the Sebastian Smythe he knew before the summer. Then again, he’s never seen him with his sister.

“Like what?” Belle asks.

“He taught me how to ride my bike, and how to play soccer.” Belle scrunches her nose. “Most importantly, he taught me to treat people the way you want to be treated.”

Belle giggles. “That sounds silly.”

“I suppose it does.” June laughs. “Just know that your brother loves you, even though he might never say it and even though he’s mean,” she jokes, even though Belle won’t hear it like that. He never realized how good June was with kids. He never realized Sebastian could _stand to be_ around kids, even if it’s his sister.

“You mean it’s like a secret?”

June nods. “It’s _exactly_ like that.”

The little girl smiles wide and looks up at her brother. “It’s okay, Bastian, I love you too.”

June gets up from the ground and Sebastian eyes her suspiciously. “What?” she shrugs. “I’m in a giving mood.”

There’s something different between them, something that wasn’t there before the summer either, but it isn’t entirely unexpected. He imagines June knows Sebastian better than he does. He wonders if they really spent as little time together as June told him they did; it wouldn’t surprise him if she downplayed it to make him feel better.

“Can we sit with you-ou-ou?” Belle asks.

June looks at him. Blaine shrugs. “It’s fine by me.”

They place their orders—Belle’s holding one of June’s hands and one of Sebastian’s, and she chats away about her first few weeks of school and all the new friends she made, about the new Disney movie her parents finally took her to see, and the new dress her mom’s making for her birthday. She refuses to let go of June or her brother, so he ends up having to carry his and Sebastian’s coffees, while Sebastian carries Belle’s milkshake in his free hand.

“Why can I never have what you’re having?” Belle asks, sitting up on her knees in her chair.

Sebastian grins, sliding a pink straw in her drink. He leans in. “Because you’re already an Energizer bunny without caffeine in your system,” he says, and kisses his sister’s hair.

Blaine can’t help but stare at them. Is Sebastian trying to impress him?

“June, when are you coming over for board games again?” Belle asks.

He almost chokes on his coffee. “You play board games?” he asks and looks at June. There are times he can’t even get her out of the house to go to the mall, but she played board games with Sebastian and his sister?

“Our favorite pastime on rainy Paris days.” Sebastian grins, and he gets the sense that behind the truth Sebastian’s trying to make him jealous. And for some reason it’s working—knowing Sebastian’s taken up a place in June’s life, is perhaps even her _friend_ , well, he’s not sure he’s comfortable with that.

“That and Disney movies.” Sebastian smiles at June. She smiles back, but there’s something uncertain in it—Sebastian doesn’t notice, but he does—she can tell what he’s trying to do. “You should join us sometime,” he adds.

He shakes his head. “I don’t think that’s such a good idea.”

“Why not?!” Belle squeals, startling all three of them. “We could play charades and I could be on June’s team!”

Blaine laughs. June was right; Belle’s enthusiasm is infectious. “But June’s _my_ best friend,” he teases. “Shouldn’t I get to be on her team?”

He doesn’t know what happens. Belle puts her hands down on the table, pushes herself up and stands up on her chair—she points at him and shouts: “I like you!”

Sebastian snorts, and something tells him he only holds back because otherwise Belle might feel insulted. June’s less subtle: she almost chokes on her coffee the way he previously had and buries her face in her scarf to cough and laugh at the same time.

He just smiles up at the little girl; he has no idea what’s going on to be honest. “I like you too,” he says, and takes another sip of his coffee.

“Squirt, sit down,” Sebastian says, a hand behind Belle’s back to catch her in case she falls. “You’ll hurt yourself.”

Belle crosses her arms over her chest. “I’m not a squirt,” she says, not sitting down.

“Princess,” June says. Belle looks at her immediately. “Please, sit down?”

It takes Belle another second or so to decide what she’s going to do, but she sits down eventually.

He knows it’s silly to be jealous of June’s new friendship with Sebastian, or vice versa. He knows all too well that he doesn’t have the sole rights to either of them, but whatever part of him that loves June is worried Sebastian’s using her to get closer to him. Or maybe that’s a selfish part of him. Either way it’s clear they spend a lot more time together than June lets on. He doesn’t want her to get hurt. He doesn’t want to get hurt himself.

 

#

He remembers the day Sebastian and June met quite clearly, mostly because he was there to see it. He and June were huddled over a magazine together, trying to get a sense of what kind of new shoes she wanted before hitting the mall.

“Hey, killer,” the familiar tone of voice made him look up instantly. He’d only just met Sebastian but he already realized the effect he had on him; it made him feel uncomfortable, because, well, _what about Kurt_?

“Sebastian,” he said.

Sebastian remained standing, coffee in one hand, that sexy-as-hell grin plastered across his face.

“Who’s your lady friend?”

Blaine had looked at June, but she was out of her chair before he managed to tell her that this was just how Sebastian talked. There was something terribly coy in her eyes; had she noticed his discomfort?

“His friend is June and fully capable of speaking for herself,” she said.

Sebastian smirked. It wasn’t the smile he reserved for him, it was a ‘what a pleasant surprise’ or a ‘how interesting’ one. He knew what was coming; he’d heard other people at the butt end of plenty of Sebastian’s barely disguised insults to know that whatever he said next was only meant to irritate June.

In June’s case it would probably just encourage her.

“How nice,” Sebastian said. “A proper girl scout.”

“You must be Sebastian Smythe.”

Sebastian arched an eyebrow. “You’ve heard of me.”

June smiled, but not the honest smile she once cast at him—this one was a little more devious, almost as if she had Sebastian figured out already. Maybe they’d both found their match.

“The _Uptown Girl_ , the Courvoisier,” she summed up. “The fake IDs.”

If at all possible Sebastian grinned even wider. “You seem to be well informed,” he said, and sat down at their table, without having been invited by either of them.

June sat back down as well, laying down her battle arms.

“June’s a reporter for the school newspaper,” Blaine said, as if it was some explanation for why he’d told her everything about his encounter with Sebastian. Truth was, he loved talking to her—they were becoming best friends fast. “And she just joined the New Directions.”

This was at the time Mercedes, Santana and Brittany formed the Troubletones. June had never expressed any interested to join the Glee club, but he’d heard her sing to herself in the press room after school several times, and well, he’d insisted long enough to finally convince her. They needed the members, and her voice was pretty good.

“Yeah.” Sebastian grinned again. “I heard you guys were having some tribal problems.”

“Nothing that won’t work itself out,” June said.


	9. Don't Waste Your Song

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mr Schue announces the new school musical and encourages June to find her song. Her heart isn't in it until she comes to realize something about her feelings for Sebastian.

Mr Schuester literally bounces from one foot to the other while he waits for all of them to settle down. He’s rubbing his hands in anticipation of the announcement, and by the time they’re all done talking the words tumble out automatically. “We’re doing _Rent_ for the school musical this year!”

“I love that movie,” Tina whispers.

“Is that the one with the cats?” Rory asks.

Brett just shrugs. “Never heard of it.”

“Mr Schue, are we sure that’s appropriate?” Blaine raises his hand halfway, even though he’s in the front row. “I mean, _Rocky Horror_ got cancelled—”

“I’ve thought about that,” Mr Schue rubs his chin. “And I wanted to ask Artie and June to work on some rewrites. Try to get some of the stronger language out of there.”

“Make it PG-13?” June asks.

“Exactly.”

Artie beams. “You can count on us, Mr Schue.”

“June,” Mr Schue says and points at her—sometimes she thinks Mr Schue is the only one that took something from Cooper’s Master class. “Your assignment for the next few weeks: find your song.”

Her eyes go wide. “My song?”

“You’re a strong vocalist, but you’re not a performer,” Mr Schue explains. “Not yet. So we’re going to make you one.”

She frowns. “By finding my song?”

Mr Schue nods. “Tina, what’s your song?” he asks.

Tina stands up, as if the question was her cue to start performing. “Right now it’s _Bitch_ by Meredith Brooks,” she says, facing them. “A forceful reminder that I can’t be categorized, boxed in or caged. I’m a whole lot of woman and I’m not ashamed of it.”

After performing for the Troubletones at Nationals last year Tina went on a complete single-female offensive, despite not exactly being _single_. She’d enjoyed the attention, one of the reasons she was up for the task of co-captaining the Glee club this year. Since Mr Schue wanted to keep the same winning set-up, June knew she’d have to step up as senior female vocalist as well. She’d just hoped to avoid that for at least a few more weeks.

By the time Tina hits the second verse ( _so take me as I am_ ) Brittany, Shannon and Vanessa are singing background ( _this may mean you’ll have to be a stronger man_ ) and Sugar and Kay have joined Tina in the middle of the room.

And as the chorus kicks in June even finds herself singing along as well ( _I’m a b*tch, I’m a lover_ ). She’d have never joined Glee club of her own volition, she was too shy a singer for that—Mr Schue was right when he said she wasn’t really a performer, but Blaine had been quite persuasive last year. With the Troubletones formed, New Directions just needed to fill a few spots, but now, a year later, she knows her place is just as much with the school newspaper as it is in Glee club. These are her best friends, and they never fail to bring the party.

Tina pulls her out of her chair ( _I’m nothing in between_ ) and next thing she knows she’s singing a female empowerment song along with all the other girls and she catches herself thinking it can’t be that hard.

It can’t be that hard to find her song.

“O—kay.” Mr Schue’s eyes go wide once the last notes of the song die out. “That was—interesting. Thank you, Tina.”

 

.

 

A few hours later Artie and her settle down in the library. Mr Schue had provided them with a script that they had to polish, preferably within the next few days.

“How was your summer?” Artie asks halfway through their session.

She looks up from her notes. She knows she and Artie haven’t really talked since school started, but she assumed everyone knew about her summer in Paris. Blaine told Tina, Joe and Rory, why hadn’t he told Artie? “Blaine didn’t tell you?” she asks.

“Tell me what?”

“I was in Paris,” she says, because as hoity-toity as it sounds she still gets excited thinking back on this summer, the walks through the city, times spent with Belle or Sebastian or both of them. It was the best summer of her life.

“Paris?”

“Yeah.” She casts down her eyes; she hates that she does it, but she knows how her friends feel about him. “With Sebastian.”

Artie’s face falls. “Sebastian.” He doesn’t even make it a question. She knew something like this could happen, that her friendship with Sebastian would be under scrutiny, but she doesn’t want to hide it from her friends.

She shrugs. “He asked me to come with him.”

“Blaine almost lost an eye because of him,” he says. “Blaine. Your best friend.”

“Artie, please,” she sighs, “I’m fully capable of choosing who I hang out with.”

He shakes his head. “People don’t change, June.”

“No, they don’t.” She looks at him strongly. “Your perception of them changes. And I’ve gotten to know Sebastian better.” But Artie just stares at her. “I’m not making excuses, Artie, I’ll never forgive him for what he did to Blaine. He knows that.”

“You know he’s our competition.”

_You know Blaine still hangs out with him too_ , she wants to throw back, but realizes quickly that would only put Blaine in the same position she’s in now, being judged for her friendship with Sebastian.

“Can we—” She shakes her head. “Can we just focus on rewriting this?” she asks, but knows that this conversation is far from over.

 

.

 

A few days go by without incident, without anyone calling her out on her summer in Paris with Sebastian, so she guesses that most of her other friends either don’t care or are okay with the situation. Blaine, too, though still missing Kurt every day, seems to be happier than she’s seen him in a while.

“June,” a voice calls from behind her at the Lima Bean. She turns and sees Sebastian sitting at a corner table—she hadn’t noticed him. She wonders if that’s because her mind has somehow tricked her into believing he’s actually part of the décor. “Hey,” he says.

“Hey.” She walks over to him.

He eyes the Grande Cappuccino in her hand. “You know caffeine is really just a gateway drug, right?” he asks.

“And what do you call a shot of Courvoisier in your coffee?” she shoots back.

“Good point.” He grins and pulls back a chair for her; she knows it’s the only kind of invitation she’ll get. “We’re both doomed.”

“You waiting for someone?” she asks.

“Blaine,” he says. “He needs all the support he can get now that Kurt’s so very. far. away, don’t you think?”

Her heart sinks hard. So that’s what this is about, she thinks, that’s why he’s laid-back and relaxed, because he knows Blaine’s on his way to see him, not just for coffee. She knew it wouldn’t be the same once they got back home, Lima is no Paris and try as they might, there’s a lot more baggage here. She wants to think Sebastian could at least be a little subtler about it, only subtle isn’t exactly his middle name.

“But you’re welcome to stay as well,” he adds. She doesn’t know if her expression gives away her discomfort or if he really just wants her to stay. She hopes it’s the latter. “You look like you could use the company.”

She sits down at the table. She could really use someone to talk to. “Is it that obvious?” she asks.

He flashes her another smile, an honest one this time. Somehow she’s learned to decode them; it’s his eyes that really give it away, it only takes a tiny shift, but she’s able to tell. “Can’t hide anything from me, Miss June.”

If only he knew, she catches herself thinking, but can’t help but wonder what she means by that herself. If Sebastian knew _what_? That she wishes he read her smiles the way she does his, that he could see her distress without her having to say it? Her heart’s beating fast in her chest and she doesn’t know why, but the creeping suspicion of what it could be is not something she wants to consider.

So she talks about the newspaper, about how she’s in charge this year and it feels great to have that much freedom and how good it’ll look on her Yale application. He fills her in on all the latest news on Belle (something she’d apparently insisted on earlier this week) and how lacrosse this year will be very interesting with some of the new recruits.

It’s easy to lose herself in it, a conversation with Sebastian.

Conversations with Blaine are intimate and personal, but that’s because they’re best friends and they trust each other with their deepest secrets. Conversations with Sebastian, well, they’re even easier somehow—he never judges or questions and doesn’t mind it when she does, he makes her laugh with his casual flirtation and there’s memories between them now that no one knows about that are intimate and personal, not because they’re best friends, but because there’s an unspoken acceptance of each other’s vices (and virtues) and it just works.

She doesn’t think either of them has really changed, they’ve just made room for each other in their lives, even more than before.

She doesn’t want to think about him the way that Artie does, in terms of what he once did to Blaine or tried to do to Finn, as the villain of the story, because he’s not. He might still talk to people the same way but he treats them different—Karofsky had been a wake-up call for a lot of them.

“Blaine’s on his way,” Sebastian says after checking his phone. “I need another coffee,” he adds, and gets up from the table to wait in line again.

“Could you—” she starts, but he’s out of hearing range before she manages to ask anything.

_It’s over_

_It’s over_

_it’s over_.

_It seems you can’t hear me_. She doesn’t know why she does it to herself. She knows she should have just gone home, let him have his time with Blaine, like she’s so often claimed her time with him or her time with Sebastian. _When I open my mouth, you never listen_.

Blaine enters the Lima Bean and smiles as soon as he lays eyes on her—he gestures he’s getting some coffee first, and she feels the smile pull at her lips too, until he’s passed her and Sebastian comes into view as well.

_You say ‘stay’ but what does that mean?_ Sebastian’s face lights up the moment Blaine joins him in line. Why does she keep torturing herself? They both laugh at something and a laugh escapes her involuntarily, because the memory of laughing with Sebastian is still so fresh the sentiment breaches the surface. _Do you think I honestly wanna be reminded forever?_

But summer’s been gone for a few weeks now, and she can’t help but wonder if Sebastian’s holding onto the memories the way she is. After all, he spends all his summers in Paris, trekking through Europe. Just how special did he perceive her time with him?

_Don’t waste your time trying to fix, What I wanna erase, what I need to forget_. Maybe it’s best for her to forget, to start her senior year fresh, with new friends and new challenges.

_Don’t waste your time on me, my friend, Friend, what does that even mean?_ But she didn’t make it up in her mind, did she? They connected over the summer, were connecting before going to Paris together. He showed her a part of him with his family, with his friends there, with his _sister_ that he hadn’t shown Blaine—and she opened up to him in return.

_I don’t want your hand you’ll only pull me down, So save your breath_. She looks at Blaine and Sebastian again, ordering their coffees while exchanging lively conversation. Why does she feel like this? Blaine and Sebastian are friends, they’re all friends, so why is she feeling, well— _jealous_?

Sebastian puts a hand on Blaine’s shoulder and it cuts through her—he’s not interested in being friends with Blaine at all. He wants something more.

And it kills her.

_Don’t waste your song_

_On me._

She gets up and snatches her coffee from the table, walking out of the coffee shop at a pace that won’t attract too much attention, but gets her out of there fast enough. She looks back through the glass door, Sebastian and Blaine looking around in search for her—but they settle down at the table only seconds later.

_Don’t waste your time_.

Was she wrong to think Sebastian had changed? Had he just been abiding his time, waiting for Kurt to leave for New York before making his move? Is that why they’re friends, so he can get closer to Blaine, to make sure she won’t object?

Her mother doesn’t so much as look up from the cooking when she comes in through the backdoor. Her dad’s in his office but he’s on the phone and only waves at her half-heartedly. She closes her bedroom door behind her, shutting out the rest of the world.

_It’s not easy not answering_.

Her phone buzzes two times: a text from Blaine ( _Where’d you go, intrepid reporter? Off saving the world?_ ) and one from Sebastian ( _Can’t hide, Wilder, that coffee will only end up leaving you lonely_ ). She laughs, but her smile falters, thinking of how they’re sitting at that table together, talking about Dalton and the Warblers, not worried about her in the least.

_Every time I want to talk to you, but I can’t_.

She doesn’t answer either text. Instead she gets up and trots over to her computer, draws a finger over the touchpad, her latest article for the school newspaper lighting up the screen. Her Sticky Notes are shouting at her from the upper right corner of the screen: finish article, buy new pens, HISTORY TEST!!!, find song.

_If you only knew the hell I put myself through_. She minimizes her article, about to check her email, but it only brings her desktop image into full view. A picture of her and Sebastian in Madrid, pretending to be a couple just for the sake of selling the lie to her parents.

She did make it up in her head.

Because Sebastian helped her do it.

_Replaying memories in my head of you and I_ , _every night_.

Mr Schue wants her to find her song? She knows just where to start.

 

.

_You’re calling, you’re talking_

_You’re trying, trying to get in_

_But it’s over, it’s over, it’s over,_

_Friend._

_Don’t waste my time._

She takes a step back from the microphone, the rest of the Glee club applauding her. She looks at Blaine, and he’s beaming at her—she can’t help but smile, but she also can’t help but wonder if he realized what this song means to her. This means Sebastian and her will go back to what they were before, just casual acquaintances who ran into each other at the Lima Bean a lot, just two people with different lives, no shared past or memories. She doesn’t know why that thought breaks her heart.

Mr Schue takes a step closer to the stage. “Well, if we lose at Sectionals it won’t be because we don’t have the vocals,” he says. “June, that was amazing, you’ve really outdone yourself. I’m not sure it’s a personal anthem to live by though.”

“It’s this week’s anthem,” she says. When she looks at Blaine again she can tell he’s wondering exactly what the song means to her. “I’ll keep looking.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> References:
> 
> o1. Tina's song: Bitch; Meredith Brooks  
> o2. June's song: Don't Waste Your Time; Kelly Clarkson


	10. Silence Speaks Volumes Too

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When June finds out Sebastian's been texting Blaine she confronts Sebastian against Blaine's expressed wishes.

“Your phone’s buzzing,” June says, his phone vibrating in circles between them on the cafeteria table.

“Yeah, it’s—” Blaine starts, but stops himself. June doesn’t know about this, she probably thinks it’s Kurt and knows that pointing out a message on his phone lately only leads to giddiness. Kurt texts him plenty, but he’s in class now.

“It’s just Sebastian,” he says.

June looks up from her history book. “Sebastian?” she asks. “What does he want?”

“He wants me to have dinner with him at Breadstix.”

Her eyes narrow on his face. Now he’s done it; he shouldn’t have said anything, he should have just told her it was Kurt or his brother. _Anyone_ but Sebastian. He thinks that part of her wants to keep Sebastian to herself, because they’ve shared something he and Sebastian haven’t—it suits him just fine, the more time Sebastian spends with June the less time he can spend texting him.

“Like a date?” she asks.

He shrugs.

June reaches for his phone. “No—” he starts, but she snatches the phone from the table before he reaches it himself. He sighs and leans back in his chair. This is really something he’d hoped to avoid. June’s going to take this personal. There’s an incredibly beautiful part of her that always tries to protect him from Sebastian’s advances, shield him from bullies and ugly words, but he doesn’t need that part of her right now.

“Blaine, there are over a dozen texts here! And that’s just today,” she says, her eyes wide in question when she looks up to meet his eyes. “How long has he been doing this?”

This is the part of her that feels for him, _instead_ of him, that knows how difficult it is for him to get flirtatious messages from Sebastian while Kurt’s in New York, so far away. It’s something sisterly and intuitive and sometimes he does wonder how she does it.

“Since we ran into him and his sister last week. It’s no big deal.”

But he knows he’s not fooling her. Of course it’s a big deal, Sebastian’s well aware of his effect on him, and with Kurt gone it’s that much harder for him to ignore it.

“Please, don’t—” He wants to tell June to keep her cool, to not Hulk out all over Sebastian next time she sees him. “I can handle it.”

June looks at him and takes a deep breath—she shrugs and goes back to her reading.

“June,” he says, forcing her to look up at him. “ _Promise me_ you won’t talk to him about it.”

He can tell he’s asking a lot of her. It’s sweet, and he appreciates it more than he can tell her right now, but if she antagonizes Sebastian now it’s only going to get worse. And he’s still feeling too miserable about Kurt not being here to be able to handle Sebastian properly.

“Okay,” she says. “I won’t.”

 

#

 

He’s caught completely off guard when he sees June’s car parked outside Dalton, her leaning back against the hood. She’s sipping from a Frappucino (he expected nothing less) and clearly waiting for someone to turn up. As far as he knows he’s the only one she knows at Dalton.

“You just can’t stay away, can you, Miss—”

“You have to stop texting Blaine,” she interrupts him.

Sebastian blinks. “Excuse me?”

“Kurt and Blaine are trying the long-distance thing.”

“And I should respect that?”

“Yes!” she shouts, attracting the attention of more than a few of his friends.

He just smiles and shakes his head.

“What?” she asks.

He thinks it’s cute she came here to stick up for Blaine, but would Blaine really want that? He doubts Blaine asked her to talk to him. No, this is a typical June-on-the-warpath routine. “I’m wearing him down,” he says, and puts his hands in his pockets. “Before you know it he’ll be mine and Kurt will be nothing but a distant memory.”

If eyes could spout fire he’s sure June’s would right now. “Blaine _loves_ Kurt,” she sneers and takes a step closer.

“You think that’s going to stop me?”

Her reply comes so fast he thinks she must have rehearsed it while she was waiting: “No, I think it’s what’s kept you going,” she says, her eyes ice-cold, just like in that first conversation they shared after he slushied Blaine.

_What?_ he thinks.

“This isn’t about your feelings for Blaine,” she continues. He thinks it’s curious that she already supposes his feelings for Blaine without really knowing if he does. He does, or at least he thinks he does, he’s never put so much effort in any guy before. “You just can’t stand that he’s with Kurt.”

“Blaine’s too good for him.”

But she ignores his answer: “If you keep doing this you’ll get them both heartbroken, you do know that? Blaine will hate himself and he’ll never forgive you.”

“No, he’ll blame himself.”

She blinks, eyes digging into his. He knows he can’t do this; she’ll never let him get away with hurting her best friend. “And you walk away unscathed.” She shakes her head and looks away. “Every time I give you the benefit of the doubt, think you might be an actual person with feelings—”

“Wait, you think we’re friends?” his own answer comes way too fast, a remnant of the time when going at each other like this wasn’t harmful to their friendship, or whatever it is they’ve got going between them. Now he knows she’ll take his words at heart. But he can’t stop himself, this is his defense mechanism too. “Miss June, you mean to say you actually like me?”

When she looks at him again he thinks she’s about to spew every bad word in her vocabulary at him, show him just how much she’s gotten to know him and tear him down completely. But to his surprise, she doesn’t. She just shakes her head again. “Forget it.” She shrugs, and walks back to her car.

He doesn’t know what just happened, or what cuts through him watching her walk away—it’s her indifference, he thinks, the thought that he’s disappointed her rather than get her angry. She accepts defeat only to leave him behind defeated.

“I’m not used to not getting what I want!” he calls after her.

There’s a brief trip in her step and whatever part of him that does consider them friends hopes she’ll turn around. But she doesn’t. She gets in her car and drives off without casting him another glance. She’s clever. They’re both verbal people, but she knows that sometimes silence speaks louder than words. Right now her silence leaves him with an eerie discomfort at the pit of his stomach. He’s not sure he’s ready to lose her as a whatever-she-is-to-him.

He thought the summer would chase it away, just like Karofsky’s suicide attempt had prompted several apologies and the realization that he was going through life a joker, never taking anything seriously until he was faced with the hard cold reality. He thought his nights spent with other guys at Scandals and in Paris would make him forget about Blaine Anderson.

But one look at that bashful schoolboy thing, the perfectly tamed hair and that killer smile and he was right back where he started. He wanted Blaine for himself. It’s not love or even puppy love or any of those other terms people use—but there’s feelings he doesn’t quite understand and he knows Blaine is the answer to them.

He went about it all wrong when they first met, his usual overconfident self, raining down compliments that Blaine waved off, going toe to toe with Kurt—he came on too strong. No, Blaine would need a different approach. Maybe it’s time Blaine knew that.

 

#

 

She should have known it would come back to bite her in the ass. Confronting Sebastian was a big mistake, Blaine had known that and he’d asked her to stay out of it for good reason. God, how could she have been so stupid? Things like that were bound to go wrong.

She’s in the library when Blaine storms in—Joe’s at the opposite side of the table, both of them studying in silence, but Blaine doesn’t seem to care.

“Did you talk to Sebastian about me?”

Damn, caught already and it’d only been a day.

“Yeah,” she says, but her heart breaks when she sees Blaine’s eyes widen. She’d _promised_ goddamn it and still she’d—but Sebastian had no right to do that to Blaine. When Kurt was texting that Chandler guy they’d almost broken up and she wouldn’t let that happen because of _Sebastian_.

And then his—Sebastian’s _goddamn_ nonchalance over the whole thing, like breaking Blaine and Kurt up was some sort of game for him to play and he was having fun with it. This was the Sebastian Smythe everyone had always warned her about, the early Sebastian before they knew each other well enough.

“Why would you do that?” Blaine asks. “I don’t need you to fight my battles.”

She sighs; why couldn’t she just have kept her promise? Keeping promises for friends isn’t a hard thing to do. “I know that,” she says.

“I love Kurt, I could never—”

“Blaine, I _know_ ,” she insists.

“Then why would you go to him?” Blaine’s eyes read nothing but hurt and it breaks her heart. But she thinks her heart’s been breaking since yesterday. “You know it’s only going to get worse.”

“Then block his number,” she says defensively. She loves Blaine so much but there are times she wishes he’d just put his money where his mouth was. “God, Blaine, if you can fight your own battles then just do it,” she adds, speaking from a place she knows she shouldn’t tap into. “Instead of talking to me about it.”

Blaine straightens up and stares at her, his eyes telling her he’s angry and he won’t let this go easily. “I will,” he says, and leaves.

Tears fill up her eyes—Blaine and her have never fought, they’ve never even particularly disagreed over anything, and now he just walked away angry with little intention to talk to her any time soon she imagines.

She gets up from her seat and grabs her things together. She has no desire to cry in front of Joe or the librarian or anyone else for that matter. The pressroom is always blissfully empty, she’ll go hide in there.

She wishes she could just _say it_ , admit it to herself and to Blaine, so that he’d understand exactly why she did what she did. Her anger towards Sebastian has nothing to do with Kurt or Blaine, or the fact that Sebastian’s trying to break them up even—it’s lowly and she thought Sebastian was a better person than that, but her anger comes from somewhere else.

She thinks that, well, maybe she’s in love with Sebastian.

And she knows exactly when it happened. It was in a cab in Paris at four am in the morning. Sebastian was drunk on dancing and she was high on an Italian make-out session, but he tucked her under his arm to keep her warm and he kissed her hair before she dozed off. She knew what it meant to be infinite.

He was just shy of drunk but she wasn’t and she remembers every single moment.

“You like him,” a voice sounds from the open door. She swivels around in her chair, not used to anyone actually knowing where the pressroom is—it’s a tiny room somewhere in a forgotten corner of the school, but at least there was decent lighting. Right now it seems Joe has followed her here.

“Like who?” she asks, because she’s fairly certain that this time she won’t be accused of being in love with Blaine.

“This Sebastian guy.”

Her heart drops to her stomach. How can a guy like Joe, a guy she hardly knows, tell that about her while her best friend—no, that’s not fair, Blaine’s had a lot on his mind.

“Well, that would be impossible,” she answers instead. “ _He’s_ gay. _I’m_ gay. Or so I thought anyway.”

Wait, did she just blurt that out _in public_?

“So you do like him,” Joe says, and she’s grateful he doesn’t point out the fact that she just practically came out to him.

“It’s stupid,” she says. She’s in love with a gay guy. She’s in love with a gay guy who’s interested in her best friend. A best friend who’s trying to maintain a long-distance relationship with a guy Sebastian loathes. When did her life become so melodramatic?

“It’s not stupid,” Joe says.

“Having feelings for a guy who’s after my best friend?” Part of her wants to hate Sebastian for what he’s putting Blaine through—part of her _can’t stand_ what he’s doing, but a much bigger part of her is just confused over, well, everything. “While I don’t even—I don’t even know what I am.”

Joe takes another step inside. “ _Who_ you are is just someone that’s searching,” he says. “There’s nothing wrong with that.”

She smiles. “How are you always this serene?” She envies him for it.

Joe shrugs and shuffles around for a bit. “You’re serene,” he says.

She chuckles. “I’m really not.” She shakes her head. If she were anything like Joe she’d have kept her promise to Blaine, stay out of his business and she wouldn’t have known what Sebastian was really planning. And now she’s fighting with Blaine _and_ Sebastian. Forget melodrama, her life’s more like a real-life soap opera. “I’m always thinking, dreaming—I have trouble shutting out all the static.”

“Even when you’re writing?” Joe asks.

She arches an eyebrow; she never thought Joe was that observant. “No.” She smiles. And if she’s really honest with herself singing shuts out the static too. Sadly that also makes her realize that talking to Sebastian makes her forget about her troubles as well.

She sighs. “Not when I’m writing.”


	11. Temporary Insanity

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sebastian thinks it's about time Blaine knew about his feelings.

( _My confusion shows whenever you get so close_

_I stumble, I stutter, forget what to say_

_I’m nervous, I wonder why I’m acting this way_ )

.

 

“What do you mean you’re still fighting?” Kurt asks, stumbling around his room by the sound of it and Blaine can hear Rachel talking somewhere in the background.

“She talked to Sebastian after I specifically asked her not to, Kurt,” he says, closing his locker. He’s not usually allowed to call on school grounds but it’s well past noon and there aren’t a lot of teachers around to reprimand him. And he never misses a call from Kurt.

Of course Kurt always insists on an hour-by-hour run-through of his day; sadly this one included a painful silence between him and June. They hadn’t talked all weekend and it was easy to avoid each other when they were both at home—it’s been four days now, but he refuses to talk to her first. He deserves an apology.

“And she was wrong to do that,” Kurt says, “But she’s your best friend.”

Yes, he knows it’s June and she _is_ his best friend, but that doesn’t automatically mean she should get away with making mistakes. He sighs; he’s well aware of how stupid it sounds. He’s not proud of how he’s handling the situation, it all seems so _One Tree Hill_ teen drama, but he won’t admit he was wrong for asking June to back off or getting angry when she broke her promise.

“ _You’re_ my best friend,” Blaine says.

He loves how he can tell Kurt’s smiling on the other end. “I’m not there right now, silly.”

“I miss you,” he says, completely off-topic now, but there’s a hint of heartache that pulls at him every time he talks to Kurt. A phone call from Kurt always cheers him up and is the highlight of his day, but each impending goodbye or ‘talk to you later’ makes sure he knows exactly where his heart’s located in his chest.

“Aww, I miss you too,” Kurt says. “Two more weeks until Sectionals.”

He marked that date on his calendar from the moment Kurt said he’d be coming home with Finn and Rachel just to see them perform and he’s been working towards that date ever since—he thinks it’s his need for that date to come closer that’s had him slacking on co-captaining these past few weeks; the Glee club is not ready for Sectionals by a long shot. “I can’t wait,” he says.

“I have to go, rehearsal in half an hour,” Kurt says. “Skype tonight?”

“Definitely.”

“I love you,” Kurt says.

“I love you too.”

When he hears Kurt hanging up he swallows hard. He knows they’re handling this long-distance thing as best as they can, in fact he thinks they’re handling it much better than anyone ever has—his love for Kurt has never been in question, nor has his trust in Kurt. But normally he can call June afterwards and sulk and whine over his boyfriend being so far away and she’ll say something to put his mind at rest, or she’ll just listen. He doesn’t have that option now.

Without him realizing his feet have carried him to the pressroom. He peers inside and sees June and Joe both seated behind her computer. His head reels; has June moved on from him already? Is Joe her new best friend now? He shakes his head—of course not, he’s been hanging out with Tina all week to avoid feeling bad. June needs someone too. And why not Joe?

He can’t help but miss her though.

He makes his way to the school’s parking lot, planning on getting some work done at home before Kurt calls, but before he reaches his car he notices Sebastian standing beside it. “Sebastian?” he asks, even though that’s only stating the obvious. “What are you doing here?”

“You stopped answering my calls,” Sebastian answers.

Blaine takes a deep breath; he realizes he gave Sebastian just as much leverage with his silence as June’s confrontation did.

“I was starting to get worried,” Sebastian adds. “Especially when June stopped answering my texts too.”

Blaine rolls his shoulders. “We’re both really busy.”

“Are you two fighting?” Sebastian’s eyes narrow on his face. He thinks Sebastian really shouldn’t be able to read him so easily. “You’re usually so attached to the hip.”

“We’re fine,” Blaine lies. He doesn’t want to give Sebastian the pleasure of knowing they’re fighting over him. “She’s in the pressroom.”

Sebastian cocks his head to one side, his eyes looking him up and down—it makes him feel extremely self-conscious. And then Sebastian straightens himself out, eyes serious suddenly. Blaine’s not sure he’s seen this side of Sebastian many times before. “Look, I wanted to apologize for the texts,” he says, hands in his pockets, glancing down at his shoes. “It was wrong,” he adds. “And it won’t happen again.”

“I—appreciate that,” Blaine says tentatively. Is this some kind of reverse psychology?

“I do want you to myself, but I want to win you fair and square,” Sebastian says. Blaine’s heart starts beating faster, and he feels his cheeks flush. “So no more backhanded remarks.”

“Sebastian—”

Sebastian leans in closer, backing him up against his car. “I want you to myself, killer,” he repeats. He puts his hand on the car behind him. “Without Kurt, without any doubts. And no cheating.”

Blaine swallows hard, feeling pinned down. “I l—love Kurt,” he stutters. _Damn it_ , why does Sebastian have such a profound effect on him?

“He’s not here.” Sebastian arches an eyebrow. Somewhere at the back of his mind Blaine’s thinking about leopards and spots and how they don’t change, but Sebastian’s only a few inches away from him so the thought doesn’t fully form. “How long do you think you two can keep up this long-distance thing?” Sebastian asks. “It’s only a matter of time before he meets someone—”

_Someone like Chandler_ , the thought flashes through his mind like lightning, as if he hasn’t thought it a thousand times before. He loves Kurt, but that doesn’t mean every doubt has left him. And Sebastian knows that. But he’ll be damned if he’ll let Sebastian be the reason why Kurt has to doubt _him_ again.

Blaine’s brain catches up instantly. “You just don’t get it, do you?” he asks. “There’s nothing more than friendship between us, Sebastian.”

But Sebastian doesn’t relent. “We both know that’s not true.” He smiles. “You’re attracted to me.”

Yes, he thinks, he is attracted to Sebastian, there’s something incredibly sexy about his confidence, his fearlessness in who he is. But he’s not in love. He could never be in love with Sebastian. “And that’s all it’s ever going to be,” he admits. “That’s all there ever is with you.” He shakes his head. “I don’t know why I even bother.”

He thinks that for a split second he detects a hint of hesitation on Sebastian’s part, some past hurt reflected in his eyes, but it disappears in that mesmerizing grin of his. “Because try as you might, killer, you want me.”

“I d—” but before he manages to deny it Sebastian’s lips are on his, and he hates how his first instinct is to moan. It _does_ feel good to have someone this close, this intimate, but it’s not Kurt and Sebastian’s anything but gentle and when he feels Sebastian’s tongue brush his bottom lip it’s over—what’s he even thinking?

“Sebastian, no!” he shouts, pushing hard at his chest and keeping his arms stretched to keep a good distance between their bodies. “What is _wrong_ with you?” He blinks.

“Blaine,” Sebastian pleads, not pushing his arms out of the way or trying to get closer again. Blaine’s heart feels like it’s racing two hundred miles an hour, he can’t think, he has difficulty breathing and Sebastian’s calmness isn’t exactly helping him focus. “Please,” Sebastian pleads. “I can be more than this.”

A beat follows.

“No,” Blaine says.

“Blaine—”

“Just—” He shakes his head. “Stay away from me.”

He rushes back towards the school; if he can’t talk to June and Kurt’s in rehearsal he’ll hit the gym instead, he’ll work the punching bag until he either breaks a finger or he’s too exhausted to keep going.

But even before he pushes through the doors he catches sight of June through the glass—he freezes once inside. Did she—did she see?

June’s eyes betray the answer, they’re reading something between shock and loathing and he’s lost all sense of who the look is meant for. Does she detest Sebastian’s behavior, or does she think he kissed Sebastian back? Either way he wouldn’t blame her, he’s kind of disgusted with himself right now.

“It didn’t—” _mean anything_ , he wants to say, but June stands equally frozen—this is too much to handle, too much to deal with, he can’t talk about this now. He shakes his head, heart racing, mind reeling, and continues on to the locker room.

 

.

( _Was it all a big mistake?_

_And if it was it’s much too late to undo,_

_And I don’t really want to_ )

.

 

She tried to focus on her writing from the moment she got home, but failed miserably. Every time her eyes slip away from the computer screen she’s faced with that image again, Sebastian pushing Blaine back against the car, his lips on Blaine’s—she shakes her head, putting the same playlist of songs on repeat in her iTunes library.

There’s a soft knock on her door and her mother comes in before she can answer. “Honey, you realize you’ve been listening to the same five songs all night,” her mother says.

June nods. She’s been playing them for four hours now. “They’re my Whine Sulk Sob songs,” she says against her better judgement. She looks up at her mother, fully realizing she’s getting her hopes up, but she needs to talk to someone.

“It’s driving your father crazy,” comes her mother’s response. No ‘are you okay’ or ‘do you want to talk about it’ but she wasn’t really expecting anything else. Her parents are of the Provide For Your Children And They Will Thrive persuasion and that didn’t include any sort of TLC. June knows she turned out more caring only because of her brother.

June casts down her eyes. “I’ll turn it down.”

Her phone buzzes on the bed and her heart leaps up—she wants it to be Blaine so badly. But it’s a number she doesn’t recognize. She answers the phone: “Yes?”

“I’m calling from _Stormy’s_ ,” a man’s voice sounds over the line. _Stormy’s_ , June wonders, the bar? Who would be calling her from there at this hour? “Your boyfriend Sebastian needs a ride home,” the voice explains.

“He’s not my—” June starts, but doesn’t feel up to discussing the point. Why would Sebastian need her to drive him home? It’s not like they’re on speaking terms. “Can’t you call him a cab?” she asks, trying to sound as polite as possible. She really doesn’t feel up to facing Sebastian tonight, even if he didn’t know she’d seen him with Blaine.

“Unfortunately your friend seems to have forgotten his wallet,” the man on the other end of the line says.

June sighs and rubs her forehead. This is the last thing she needs, to be confronted with a drunk Sebastian—why’d he call her and not his father or his stepmother? Why didn’t he try calling one of the Warblers? Surely they’d be more willing to do this for him. She considers just blowing him off, to leave him hanging, make him feel that she’s not okay with what he did to Blaine, her _best_ friend.

But whatever part of her that cares for Sebastian knows she can’t just leave him.

“I’ll be there in twenty minutes,” she says and hangs up the phone.

What is she getting herself into? What if Blaine finds out about this and decides she’s not worth his time at all anymore? What if Sebastian declares his love for Blaine to her and breaks her heart? Every _what if_ that crosses her mind just makes one thing clearer to her— It’s stupid and ridiculous, because she knows Sebastian’s gay and that he’s interested in Blaine, but maybe she needs to get over Sebastian.

Only she really doesn’t want to.

By the time she enters _Stormy’s_ it’s close to midnight and she has to assure the bouncer she’s only there to pick up a friend and has no intention of drinking anything. She briefly wonders how Sebastian managed to get drunk at all without his fake ID.

She makes her way through the crowd, but she catches sight of Sebastian before she reaches the bar. Despite being slumped down on top of the bar, he looks amazing: his tie is undone around his neck, his collar unbuttoned, blazer lying across his lap.

June takes a deep breath.

“Vicky Vale!” Sebastian shouts as soon as she comes into view. “Coming to my rescue.”

She doesn’t greet him, but pays his bill instead, throwing an apologetic smile at the bartender. “Come on,” she says, and Sebastian throws one of his arms around her shoulders, even though he’s fully capable of standing.

“You’re my only friend, you know,” Sebastian muses as she leads him outside.

Where is this coming from? Why did he get drunk in the first place? He had to have known Blaine wouldn’t just fall into his arms and love him back. _Is_ Sebastian in love with Blaine?

“That’s not true,” she says. “What about the Warblers?”

Sebastian sniggers. “They’re all just waiting for Blaine to come back,” he says. “That’s where their loyalty lies. What is it about him, hu?” he asks, pushing away from her. June turns and looks up at him. “What does he have that I don’t?” Sebastian asks.

June casts down her eyes; she can’t tell him that.

Sebastian takes a step closer to her, forcing her to look up again. “Tell me,” he pleads.

June takes a deep breath. “He cares.”

“And I don’t?”

“I’ll rephrase: I _know_ he cares,” she says, and turns around, walking towards her car. Maybe it’s not the best time to be brutally honest with Sebastian, given that he might not actually remember anything in the morning, but maybe all she really needs is to get it off her chest. “It’s always two speeds with you, Sebastian. One moment I think we’re friends and the next you push me away. And most of the time I can’t tell if it’s just a defense mechanism or if it’s intentional.”

“And your fight with Blaine?” Sebastian calls after her.

“Intentional,” she answers. “And deserved.” She turns to face him again. “He asked me to stay out of his business.”

“And self-righteous little June-bug couldn’t do as she was told.”

She rolls her eyes. This is exactly why she can’t talk to Sebastian—he always finds a way not to really listen, to push her away when things get too personal for either of them. She does the same to him, but right now, with her and Blaine on non-speaking terms, she really wishes her relationship with Sebastian were different.

“I’m sorry,” Sebastian says. “Does it help you to know that I can’t be held accountable for my actions while I’m drunk?”

June shakes her head, but smiles. “How’d you even get them to serve you?”

Sebastian grins. “I’m tall, charming and I have one killer smile.”

She laughs. There’s the Sebastian she knows. “You’re delusional, Smythe.” She turns and unlocks her car, hoping to get this night over with as soon as possible; she just wants to drop Sebastian off at home and go to bed. Maybe things will look better in the morning.

But when she looks at Sebastian again he’s standing a few feet away from her, hands in his pockets, digging the tip of his foot in the dirt. “I kissed him, you know,” he says, and she’s more than a little surprised to hear him admitting to it. “It was stupid and spontaneous, but I thought—”

June frowns. What’s he even talking about? She’s never seen him feeling sorry for himself.

He walks over to her, leans against her car, and shrugs. “Maybe this is all there is to me.”

“I know you don’t really believe that,” she says, mirroring his position against the car. Why can’t they be like this? Why can’t they talk about things like normal people? It’s funny, she catches herself thinking, because one of the reasons they both kept coming back for more was because of the ease their conversations took, not because they ever talked about anything profound.

But then, of course, she had to go and fall in love with him.

Sebastian stares down at her, his eyes shining, and she wonders if that’s because of the alcohol or if it’s her imagination. “And what about you?” he asks, quite unexpectedly.

June blinks, but doesn’t release his eyes. No, she thinks automatically, she already knew there’s more to Sebastian than this, even before falling in love. “I think you can be more than this,” she says softly.

What happens next passes mostly in a blur. Sebastian leans in and for a few seconds she knows exactly what it feels like to have her brain short-circuit—Sebastian presses his lips to the corner of her mouth, missing her lips, but she completely spaces out for a few moments. Sebastian is trying to _kiss her_ , kiss her in the middle of some shady bar’s parking lot after he—

Reality sinks in: the alcohol on Sebastian’s breath, the kiss he shared with Blaine this morning. He kissed Blaine sober, her best friend, because he wanted to. And this is—what is this?

“Sebastian—” She pushes him back, but the palms of her hands only meet with hard unwavering muscle under his green t-shirt and he hardly budges. “Don’t!” she says strongly, hands still on his chest, hoping that her words might shake him from his preoccupation with her lips. “Don’t kiss me and think of him.”

“Newsflash, honey,” Sebastian says, leaning in closer again, her own strength nothing compared to his. “I’m not a girl,” he whispers, and sweeps his lips past hers.

“That—” She fists his t-shirt, trying to put more distance between them—this time Sebastian does move. “That doesn’t make it okay!” she shouts. “God, Sebastian!” He backs away another step and turns his back on her. She straightens out her clothes. What the hell kind of logic is that? What should it matter if she’s a girl? Does he hope to just close his eyes and dream her lips are Blaine’s?

Something in her chest hurts and she knows that if she doesn’t say something she’ll start crying. “You can’t use people like this, Sebastian,” she says. “You can’t will them to love you.”

Sebastian just stands still and doesn’t turn around.

“And just FYI, _sweetheart_ ,” she says. “I’m not _just_ into girls.”

Sebastian spins around on his heels.

There, it’s out, she’s said it for the first time. It was supposed to be Blaine, he was supposed to understand, not stare at her in surprise the way Sebastian is right now. _Jesus_ , did she just come out to the guy she’s in love with?

“You’re bi?” Sebastian asks.

June can’t bring herself to meet his eyes again. “Get in the car,” she tells him instead and gets into the car herself. Is this what it felt like when her brother came out to their parents? This desperate, this painful, this forlorn?

She taps her fingers on the steering wheel, staring at the keys in the ignition—she wants to just turn them and drive, get away from this incredibly uncomfortable feeling, but she doesn’t want to leave Sebastian stranded now. Drunk or not, it’s clear he’s struggling with some things too; driving him home is the least she can do.

After what feels like an eternity Sebastian finally gets into the car.

They don’t say another word to each other.

 

.

( _What just happened did you kiss me?_

_‘Cause that’s a place we’ve never been until now_ )

.

 

The car ride home with June is eerily silent the entire time and it’s remarkable how sobering it is. Her hands are clutched tight around the steering wheel and she’s nervously chewing her lips, but she doesn’t say a single word. And he doesn’t have a clue what to say either. Should he say _good for you_? _congratulations_? She just came out to him, _again_ , and this time it was his fault. He’d forced himself on her and—and _why_ , exactly?

But he’s all too aware that he knows the answer to that question. Because this is how he handles rejection, he acts out, ruins his friendships, pushes people away, gets drunk to erase all the disappointment and pain.

The words ‘I’m sorry’ are right on the tip of his tongue, but all that just feels like it comes too late now. There’s an entire world of unspoken apologies weighing down on his shoulders.

_What is_ wrong _with you?_ Blaine’s words echo through his mind. _I love Kurt_.

Yeah, okay, whatever, maybe Blaine really did love Kurt, maybe Blaine’s attraction to him will never be enough to win him over, maybe he needed to be _better_.

_I think you can be more than this_ , June had told him, almost the same words he’d spoken to Blaine earlier today, but he doesn’t know anymore. Maybe he doesn’t even believe it anymore. This is all there is to him.

For the first time in a long time it seems he’s struggling with things June had been struggling with for the past two years—who is he, what kind of person does he want to be, what kind of _relationship_ is he looking for?

And for the first time in his entire life, he doesn’t have an immediate answer.

June parks in front of his house, the light’s on inside and he takes a deep breath. He knows his dad’s probably still at work, but his stepmom will be home and by the looks of it she’s still awake. He looks at June, but she’s staring out in front of her. He opens his mouth to apologize, but no words come out. He doesn’t know what to say.

All he wants to do is go inside, plunk down on his bed and sleep for a week straight.

So he just gets out of the car, closes the door behind him and makes his way towards the house. He hears June drive off immediately. It makes something inside his chest ache to know he’s the reason both Blaine and June are angry, and he’s the initial reason they can’t talk to each other now.

What the hell was he thinking trying to kissJune? _You can’t use people like this_.

What the hell was he thinking kissing Blaine? _You can’t will them to love you_.

This is all there is to him. He destroys everything he touches.

“Sebastian!” his stepmother’s voice sounds from the living room before he manages to slip past. _Damn_. “Where the hell have you been?”

He halts in his tracks and faces her, hands in his pockets. There’s no need to lie at this point. “Out,” he answers.

“You were supposed to mind your sister,” Diana says. “Why aren’t you picking up your phone?”

He shrugs. Because wallowing in self-pity and drinking is far easier without anyone texting or calling to ask where he was, or asking him to come home to babysit his hyperactive little sister. “I turned it off.”

“Your father and I were worried sick!” his stepmother sneers, but there’s more anger in her tone than actual concern. It’s not the first time a conversation between him and Diana has gotten more heated because of his indifference.

“Well, then you’ll be happy to know I screwed things up with a guy I like and June might never speak to me again,” he jokes—maybe this would cheer his father up, hearing what a failure his son has become. He can’t even hold onto friendships anymore.

But part of him knows June will be back, that he might have a shot at another chance with her if he handles it right. He briefly wonders what June sees in him that he can’t even see in himself. He wonders exactly when during the past few months he lost his confidence around her.

His stepmother shoots him an accusatory look. “You’ve been drinking.”

He nods. “Yup.”

“Your father’s going to hear about this.”

“I’m shaking in my boots.” He pretends to be shaking, but judging by the look in Diana’s eyes he knows he’ll probably be having a good talk with his dad in the morning. “Absolutely terrified. Borderline white-with-fear.”

His stepmother sighs and walks back to the living room. He heads upstairs to his own room, plunks down on his bed, but remains sitting upright.

_I can be more than this_ , he hears himself saying. Why couldn’t he just have tried that first? Why does he keep getting lost in his own ambition, his confidence that somehow he’ll get what he wants? He knows it’s a work ethic his father has been inspiring him with since he was old enough to understand the words, but he doesn’t want to become his father.

“Bastian,” Belle’s voice sounds from behind his bedroom door. He sighs; he really doesn’t want to deal with his sister right now.

“Go back to sleep!” he shouts, even though it starts his head pounding.

“Bastian!” comes another squeal, followed by the sound of what he guesses is her foot hitting the door.

He drags himself up from the bed and opens the door. “ _What_?” he sneers.

But all the frustration leaves his body instantly when he lays eyes on his baby sister, wide-eyed and tiny compared to him, one of her hands holding up a glass of water, the other a bottle of aspirin. “I brought these for you,” she says, her voice sounding like a regular girl’s for once.

He retreats back towards the bed and sits down. She brings him the glass and bottle on tiptoe, as if she hadn’t already alerted her mother or the entire neighborhood. “Thanks, squirt,” he says.

“I’m not a squirt!” she squeal-whispers.

He laughs and shakes his head. “Alright, princess.”

 

.

( _And I don’t know, how it’s gonna be after this_

_Do we pretend these feelings don’t exist at all?_

_Or do we fall?_ )

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> References:
> 
> o1. Vicky Vale: a journalist in the Batman franchise.  
> o2. soundtrack: Alexz Johnson; Temporary Insanity


	12. Mr Know It All

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sebastian has a lot of apologizing to do, but June realizes it's about time she apologizes to Blaine as well.

He catches sight of June before he’s even through the door, sitting by herself at a corner table. She’s bent over a notebook again, scribbling away at some new story or newspaper article. He hesitates once inside—he knows better than to interrupt her when she’s writing, and of course there’s that night hanging over him. It’s only been a few days, but he’s had plenty of time to think about it, about Blaine and that _kiss_ , about June and _that_ kiss. How did he ever let it come to this? Why does he always mess up?

He waits in line and orders two coffees ( _sans_ Courvoisier) and he doesn’t think June looks up once. He could leave, he could start avoiding the Lima Bean altogether. He knows he can separate himself from this completely without too great an effort, but he thinks that some time ago (somewhere between Paris and realizing his feelings for Blaine) he decided he wasn’t going to be that guy anymore.

So he walks over to her table and sits down uninvited, sliding one of the cups towards her. June looks up at him briefly, but returns her attention to her writing almost instantly. He takes a deep breath and sinks back in his chair; getting ignored by June always seems so much worse than fighting with her. Or maybe this is what fighting with her really feels like.   

“So I’ve been wondering,” he says, tapping his fingers against his coffee cup. He’s not sure where he’s going with this, but he has to say _something_.

She takes a breath and rests her chin in the palm of her hand, eyes focused on the page in front of her. “Have you?” she asks.

He guesses it’s a start; at least she’s not shouting at him.

“Your brother,” he asks. “His name isn’t August, is it?”

She looks up and he half-expects a witty comeback, something like _Sebastian_ Warbler _, you spend your time wondering_ _what my brother’s name is?_ and he’s really grateful she doesn’t, because, well, he _has_ wondered. At least it’s a conversation starter.

Except she still hasn’t said a word and she casts a glance back down at the notebook on the table.

“No,” she answers at long last, dropping her pen to the table. “It’s John.”

“John.”

A hint of a smile colors her lips. “Plain ol’ John.”

“Hu,” he huffs, and she finally looks up at him again and yeah, he can tell: she’s fighting the urge to make a witty remark. There’s just something about the smile that pulls at the corner of her mouth. He’s grateful—it means she’s forgiven him. He’s not good at real apologies, and he’s not sure a real one would change anything. He crossed a line. They’ve hit too close to a truth between them to make it that easy to forget. He’s been forgiven, once again, but this is one incident even he won’t be forgetting any time soon.

He doesn’t know why he kissed her, other than the I Very Was Drunk excuse, which didn’t cut it even for himself. Not this time. There’d been those times in Europe where he’d wanted to kiss her, and he’d chucked that up to being drunk, but this time he’d actually gone through with it, he’d _kissed June_. Why?

He’d kissed Blaine because he had feelings for him—he went about it all wrong, but when has he ever done something right when it comes to relationships? And it’s the same with June. It started out so easy, talking to her, arguing with her, and then he’d had to go and invite her to Paris with all his best intentions and look where that got him. They have a friendship he’s not sure is a friendship to begin with.

Maybe he and June were something more.

Did he— _does_ he have feelings for her?

“What are you doing?” he asks to chase the thoughts away. He doesn’t want to think about this, not now they’ve somewhat made up. He glances down at her notebook. “Studying lines?”

June sits back in her chair. “Mr Schue wants me to play Mimi,” she says, and it’s clear from her expression that she’s not okay with it.

“The stripper?” he asks, quickly recalling that McKinley’s putting on _Rent_ this year. He grins. “Fun.”

She straightens her shoulders and frowns at him, fighting whatever impulse in her that wants to lecture him. “I’m a Maureen,” she says.

He arches an eyebrow. “Loud. Subversive. Bisexual. Sounds about right,” he says. Somehow it feels freeing to say it aloud, _bisexual_ , even though they haven’t really talked about it. But it doesn’t have to be awkward, not with him. He’s thought about it too often these past few days, why she chose to throw that at him right after he’d tried to kiss her. Was that her way of saying she was attracted to him as well?

He suddenly wonders if she’s talked to Blaine at all or if they’re still fighting. He clears his throat; this isn’t something he wants to think about either, he feels responsible.

“Being an artist isn’t about doing what you know or playing it safe,” he says, hoping to steer the conversation back into safer territory. “You could do with some loosening up.”

June raises an eyebrow. Right, he’s probably seen her as loose as she gets that one night out in Paris. “Some _artistic_ loosening up,” he corrects.

“Mimi isn’t just loose,” she complains. “She’s passionate and uninhibited, and sexy.”

“You’re sexy.” He blurts it out so fast he has to frown to himself and wonder where it came from. Maybe it’s some leftover remorse over what he did to both her and Blaine. June’s staring at him wide-eyed. “In a very schoolgirl kind of way,” he adds quickly, trying to talk himself out of it.

“I can’t do it.” She shakes her head. “I like my comfort zone.”

This time he’s the one that just stares at her.

“What?” June asks, eyeing him suspiciously.

“What happened to being brave?” he asks, echoing a conversation they once had in Rome. She told him she wanted to be brave, and even though she was talking about her sexuality at the time, being brave has to start somewhere.

Her eyes narrow on his face; she knows he’s right. She shakes her head but smiles and tosses her napkin at him. Yeah, he’s been forgiven. Thank God.

“You know I’m not the only one you need to apologize to,” June says and looks at him intently.

Part of him is glad she took his attempt at conversation as an apology, another part of him despairs about how right that statement is. He needs to apologize to Blaine. No matter what.

“I know.” He nods. “And I will.”

 

#

 

“You seem happy,” Joe says when he finds her riffling through her locker. Glee practice is about to start and he’s gotten in the habit of walking her there, just like Blaine did before their fight.

“I’m just—” She shrugs. “I am happy.” She wasn’t aware her contentment was showing so clearly, but it’d been a few days since she felt this good.

“Any reason in particular?”

June smiles. “I’m going to apologize to Blaine. On my knees if I have to.”

After her talk with Sebastian this morning she decided it was time she put her pride aside and just apologize to Blaine. He was right, she should never have meddled, and the only reason she hadn’t apologized up until now was because she was messed up about her own feelings for Sebastian.

Joe smiles. “Good.”

June giggles. It’s strange how Joe and her work; he’s not a guy of many words. In fact, she does most of the talking when they’re together.

“You ready?” he asks.

She nods; she closes her locker and walks to the choir room with Joe by her side. By the time they enter everyone’s already there. “Hey guys,” June says.

“June, we need to talk to you,” Brett says.

She looks around the room, at her fellow Glee clubbers, all sitting together except for Blaine, who’s sitting further away from the others. Joe’s still standing next to her.

“Okay,” she says, unsuspecting. “About what?”

“About Sebastian,” Artie says, folding his hands together in his lap.

She feels her face fall beyond her control. Did Sebastian do something? She looks at Blaine, but his eyes are downcast, arms crossed over his chest. No, Sebastian didn’t do anything; he wouldn’t have tried so hard to start up a conversation this morning if he’d done something. She shouldn’t jump to conclusions like this. But what is going on?

“We’re worried about your friendship with him,” Sam says.

She sniggers. What are they even talking about?

Artie wheels himself closer. “I saw you at the Lima Bean this morning,” he says. “He was flirting with you.”

She laughs. “What?” she asks. Sebastian wasn’t flirting, he was just— _being Sebastian_. He was being nicer than usual because he had things to apologize for, but he wasn’t _flirting_. Was he? It’s only then that June realizes that she might have seen what happened between Blaine and Sebastian, but none of her friends know what happened between her and Sebastian. Blaine would’ve known if they were talking.

Artie stares up at her over his glasses. “We think he might be using you to spy on us.”

A beat follows and she looks around the room again; no one’s coming to her aid, no one’s sticking up for her. Since when did they stop trusting her judgement?

“You think he’s friends with me because I’m his competition?” she asks.

Brett shrugs. “It’s not a big leap.”

“Isn’t it?” A fire starts in her. It’s one thing for Artie to start this, at least he was there when Sebastian slushied Blaine, but Brett wasn’t there—they haven’t even met, all of this comes from hearsay. And it’s been a year, Sebastian apologized for what he did and hasn’t tried anything similar since. Why would he now be spying on them? Now that would truly be a master plan.

“Sectionals are coming up, June,” Sam says. “If we win we’ll be up against the Warblers at Regionals.”

“Sebastian and I don’t talk about Glee club,” she says. She can feel it bubbling to the surface, all the words, all the anger, everything she always finds herself wanting to shout about Sebastian. There’s more to him than they realize. “We never have.”

“Then why is he friends with you?” Brett asks.

“Guys—” Joe warns.

But June’s fast to interrupt him: “I don’t know, why are you?” she asks, her defenses kicking in.

“June—” Blaine this time.

“No!” she shouts, but she knows it’s only so loud because she’s close to bursting out into tears. “You tell me right now, all of you, why are _you_ my friends?” she asks. “Because Sebastian can be harsh, but that’s the meanest thing anyone has ever asked me. I’m not some charity case that needs to find friends wherever she can. Sebastian _understands_ me,” she adds, and she looks at Blaine while she says it. “Like I thought you did,” she tells him.

“I don’t want to see you get hurt,” Blaine says.

But in his eyes it’s obvious, he can tell how much she’s hurting right now. How can they say this? How can they call themselves her friends, looking out for her, when they consider her nothing more than a liability for winning Sectionals? Tears shoot into her eyes now and she sucks in her bottom lip to keep from crying.

“June—” Blaine again.

But this time it’s Artie who interrupts. “You’re in love with Sebastian, June. None of us want to see you get hurt.”

“Sebastian is my friend,” she sneers, jaws clenched tightly together. “He’s going to stay my friend.” She knows she’s not denying anything. “If the Warblers win at Regionals it’ll be because they’re better than us, not because I gave them some sort of strategic advantage.”

Mr Schue walks in behind her. “Hey, guys,” he says and halts right next to her. “June? Everything all right?”

She doesn’t take her eyes off any of them, a tear running down her cheek. “I think I found my song for this week,” she chokes out, turns around, and rushes out of the room.

_(Oh you think that you know me, know me)_ She knows a weekly anthem wasn’t the purpose of Mr Schuester’s assignment, but her friends are leaving her little choice. Even if they started with the very best intentions, even if they were just worried, claiming that Sebastian was only friends with her so he could spy on the New Directions was a low-blow.

Not to mention a blatant lie.

_(that’s why I’m leaving you lonely, lonely)_ She runs to the pressroom, where she usually hides out anyway, where she’s been hiding from Blaine all week. What she really wants to do is talk things through with Blaine, tell him about everything that’s happened, ask him how he feels about Sebastian kissing him, apologize if that’s what he still wants from her.

_(‘Cause baby you don’t know a thing about me)_ Because maybe Blaine’s the only one out of all her friends that really understands her, and maybe Joe to a slightly less degree. And Sebastian—god, what is she going to do about Sebastian? With everything that’s happened between them, with everything she’s come to realize about her own feelings, can they ever go back to just being friends?

_(You don’t know a thing about me)_ She understands where Blaine was coming from, all of them to some extent, but she’s fully capable of deciding who she hangs out with.

There’s a soft knock on the open door.

She glances back over her shoulder only to find Blaine waiting to come inside. Her heart skips a beat, but she remains silent. She’s been missing him all week now, the one person who knows pretty much everything about her. She misses talking to him so much. Only what would she tell him now that hasn’t been said already? He hadn’t exactly stood up for her. Maybe she deserved that after breaking her promise.

Tears shoot into her eyes again, and she looks away.

“Would you rather talk to Sebastian?” Blaine asks before she has the chance to say something herself, a caution in his voice she hasn’t heard before. A _hurt_ in his voice she wishes wasn’t her fault.

“No,” she answers. “He’d make a joke out of it and that’s not what I need right now.”

“Then who—”

“I don’t know, Blaine!” She shouts to keep from crying again. “Who do you talk to when all your friends turn against you?”

Her friends are all she has, all she’s ever had, because she can’t talk to her parents.

Blaine takes a step inside and closes the door behind him; she’s the only one in and out of here anyway. “They’re worried about you,” he says.

“They’re worried about Sectionals. But that’s not Sebastian’s fault.” No, that’s their own fault—this Glee club isn’t the same as the last one, most of them are too new to all of it and they haven’t found any sort of balance or group dynamic. She wonders if that’ll ever happen at all now.

“I don’t trust him, June, not after—” Blaine hesitates. _Not after the texts_ , _not after Sebastian kissing him_ , June adds mentally. She wonders if he told Kurt about that. “And you don’t want to see the truth.”

She’d considered that, she thought maybe her time spent in Paris had made it impossible for her to see the bad in Sebastian, but that’s reducing him to the exact same thing the rest of them see him as.

“You don’t know him like I do, Blaine,” she says, and she knows just as Blaine does that this is the start of a long-winded argument in defense of Sebastian. But she can’t help it. She’s not the one who’s blind. She turns in her chair and looks up at Blaine. “I found out he’s political like his dad, and he wants a future in politics. I met his first love, Pierre, who’s actually straight.”

Blaine crosses his arms over his chest and looks away. It’s a defense mechanism.

“I saw him become a big brother to Belle, and sing Disney songs with her.”

She stands up and walks over to him, forcing him to look at her again.

“You know confident guarded Sebastian,” she says. “I got to see something more. If anyone’s blind it’s all of you, Blaine, for thinking he’s only some caricature and there’s nothing real underneath the surface.”

Blaine’s gaze turns softer, as if he’s finally realized something. “You are in love with him,” he almost whispers.

She turns around, facing away from him. She knows she can share this with Blaine, that she can share her doubts and struggles with him like she’s done before, like he’s done, but hearing someone else say it makes it so much more real. She’s in love with Sebastian Smythe.

“Is that why you went to Paris?” Blaine asks.

She laughs, but doesn’t turn to face him. “No, Blaine, I honestly—” She shakes her head, crossing her arms over her chest. She had her doubts before Paris, but she wasn’t in love. That came later. “I just wanted to get away. Away from my parents, from all my doubts about who I was. Sebastian gave me that.”

She turns around again, tears escaping her eyes.

“And I was free, Blaine,” she says. “I could say whatever I wanted, do what I wanted. I was part of a family that might not be perfect, but they don’t lie to each other about everything. I made out with a gorgeous Italian knockout and I didn’t have to be scared of my parents finding out.”

She’s really crying now, and Blaine’s eyes are tearing up as well.

“I was unafraid,” she says. “And I’m not friends with Sebastian because he was there for all of that,” she says. “I’m friends with Sebastian because that’s _why_ he asked me to come with him.”

That’s it, she thinks, she’s only now realized it, but that’s why Sebastian asked her to come to Paris, to get away from her fear of being found out by her parents, of having to pretend they’re the perfect American family. Sebastian knows her better than she gives him credit for.

She hates how it makes her fall for him just a little harder.

She wipes at her face, her sleeve soaking up any stray tears. “And yeah, I’m in love with him,” she admits, sniffling. “But Kurt was in love with Finn and he got over that.”

She looks at Blaine carefully, but it doesn’t seem like he’s up for more arguing.

“Come here,” he whispers and June doesn’t hesitate a single moment; she closes the distance between them and falls into Blaine’s arms.

“I’m sorry,” she cries. “I should have listened to you. I should have talked to you.”

Blaine’s arms tighten around her torso.

“I’m sorry too,” he whispers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> References:
> 
> o1. June's song: Kelly Clarkson; Mr. Know It All


	13. Sectionals

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kurt's back in town for Sectionals, and between his advice and Joe's, June has to decide what solo to sing.

She’s puzzling together the latest issue of the school newspaper when a familiar voice sounds from behind her. “Hey, you,” the voice says.

June twists on her heels and feels her mouth going wide in a smile beyond her control. “Kurt,” she breathes, walks over to him and hugs him tight. “Welcome back,” she says, and stands back to look at him. Same old Kurt, with his pristine fashion sense and copious amounts of hairspray. “I planned on dropping by,” she says, “but Blaine kind of hijacked you.”

Kurt guffaws. “We’ve _really_ missed each other.” He scrunches his nose and he’s unable to hide his smile—June knows exactly what that means: they’ve hardly kept their hands off each other all weekend. “Now, mind out of the gutter, missy,” he adds and wags his index finger at her. “We’ve just—”

“Been making up for lost time?” She raises an eyebrow.

Kurt’s eyes narrow on her face, but he can’t fool her. “Blaine tells me congratulations are in order.” He changes the subject instead. “You got a solo?”

“Don’t—” She shakes her head. Tina got the first solo with the Troubletones, the ballad was hers to tackle. “I don’t think the others really agree. And I don’t even know what I’m going to sing yet.”

A ballad’s supposed to be emotional, it’s supposed to be a narrative, something that comes from the heart. Right now all she’s really feeling is confusion over her feelings for Sebastian and hurt over what her friends implied about her friendship with him. Safe to say her life hasn’t gotten any less melodramatic these past few days.

“What’s wrong?” Kurt asks; they both sit down. 

“Do you really expect me to believe Blaine didn’t tell you?” she asks.

Kurt shrugs, looking at her guiltily. “He might’ve mentioned some small details.”

June laughs; _small details_ really means Blaine told him everything. “So as far as things that are wrong: none of my friends are talking to me, I can’t talk to my parents and I found out I’m probably bi because I fell in love with a gay guy. Other than that, I’m peachy.”

“You have Blaine.” Kurt throws his arm around her shoulder. “And me.”

She takes a deep breath. Kurt’s right: she’s patched things up with Blaine and at least Joe’s still talking to her as well—Tina and Kay, too, have been less hostile than the others. But she hasn’t forgotten what they said and she hasn’t forgotten what Blaine implied: is she blind to Sebastian’s flaws?

“I know you’re probably the wrong person to ask,” she says, “but am I missing the bigger picture? Is there something about Sebastian that I’m missing?”

“I can’t be the person to tell you that, and not just because he tried to kiss Blaine.” Kurt shakes his head, then shrugs. “I don’t think he’s using you to spy on the New Directions.”

Even if Sebastian planned on destroying the New Directions in some evil subplot it wouldn’t take much. They’re not a team and right now they’re barely friends. “We’re a mess,” June says. “And Sectionals is in a week.”

Kurt looks at her disapprovingly. “Now you’re just making excuses,” he says. “The New Directions has faced murkier waters.”

It’s true, in the past two years New Directions somehow managed to write original songs in a matter of days and come up with a new set list when theirs was stolen the same day. But through all that they were a team—this new group of people isn’t a team.

There’s a knock on the door, both Kurt and June look to see who it is; Joe’s standing in the doorway. “Ready for lunch?” he asks.

“Sure,” June says. “I’m assuming Hummel here’s still hogging up his boyfriend.”

“I can’t help it that we’re madly in love with each other,” Kurt says. “We’re having lunch with the Hudson-Hummels though.” His nose scrunches again. “And a Berry.”

“Aww, no room for PDA?” June asks. Kurt shakes his head and pouts. “Maybe some footsie under the table.”

Kurt giggles and heads for the door. “See you later.”

She packs her things together, Joe patiently waiting for her to finish, and they head out together.

“I’m proud of you, you know,” Joe says.

June can’t hide her surprise at his sudden statement. “Proud?” she asks, eyes wide.

“Yeah,” Joe says, in that mellow tone of voice she’s come to appreciate about him. “For sticking up for your principles. You believe in Sebastian and you don’t let anyone else tell you otherwise.” He looks at her through half-lidded eyes. “I like that about you.”

She feels a smile pull at the corner of her mouth and she’s sure her cheeks blush a deep red. “Thanks,” she says softly.

Joe smiles and June feels something in her belly flutter playfully. _Damn_.

 

.

 

Several days later June has her ballad choices narrowed down to a handful of songs within her range. Joe had told her to approach any song choices the way she approaches her writing; it’s a way for her to deal with things, to write feelings off. So now she guesses she should try to _sing_ them off?

“Hey, sexy,” Sebastian’s voice sounds from behind her. She fights the urge to roll her eyes, but mostly because the nickname gives her heart tiny butterfly wings she really wishes it wouldn’t. It’s almost like admitting to her feelings for Sebastian has only made them stronger. Then again, he’s not exactly making it easy for her to ignore her feelings. 

“You really have to stop that,” June says as soon as Sebastian sits down at her table. “People might get the wrong idea.”

And people shouldn’t get the wrong idea—Sebastian’s gay, he only wants to be her friend and she can accept that. She doesn’t want any romantic feelings to stand in the way of their friendship. Maybe whatever song she chooses should be about moving on.

“Like you with that questionably hygienic guy?” Sebastian raises an eyebrow. “That kind of wrong idea?”

June frowns. “You mean Joe?” she asks, even though she’s tempted to ask _are you jealous_? But it might be too early in their cease-fire for that question.

She can understand how Sebastian might have gotten the wrong idea about Joe; unlike Blaine he’s actually straight and they’ve been hanging out a lot. She likes his calm and his minimal use of words, and yeah, he’s kind of hot too. “We’re just friends.” She shrugs. “He’s the only other person at school that’s talked to me this past week.”

“Are you ever going to tell me what that’s about, by the way?” Sebastian asks, looking at her intently. “Blaine refuses to talk about it.”

_Blaine?_ June wonders, Sebastian’s actually been talking to Blaine beyond the apology text he sent? Blaine hadn’t told her about it. And what about Kurt, did he know?

“Yes, Blaine and I have re-established a semi-friendly text relationship,” Sebastian explains. “Try not to blow any circuits.”

June blinks and decides not to pry; maybe she’ll ask Blaine about it later, but he probably has a good reason for not telling her about it. “Let’s just keep it at _they questioned my honor_ ,” she answers Sebastian’s question. “And yours.”

“Mine?” Sebastian asks, eyebrows shooting up. “Miss J, did you defend me to your friends?”

She lets the nickname slide because the mention of her friends cuts through her like a razorblade. She casts down her eyes, because she did defend him to her friends, to Blaine, but that wasn’t just for his benefit. Her friends didn’t trust her judgement, they didn’t think she could decide for herself which friendships are good for her. Are they really her friends if they judge her like that?

“Hey, really, what did they say?” Sebastian insists, and the concern in his voice is what makes her look up. He’s been exceptionally nice to her ever since that night outside _Stormy’s_ , but it hasn’t really helped in her attempts to move on.

“They—suggested that the only reason we’re friends is so that you can beat us at Regionals,” she blurts out.

Sebastian grins and he lounges back his chair. “That sounds awfully clever of me.”

June laughs, but doesn’t look at him. She’s reminded that not too long ago she thought Sebastian was friends with her to get closer to Blaine—is that still the case?

Sebastian leans closer to her across the table. “It’s _not_ ,” he says, his green eyes as sincere as she’s ever seen them—something deep inside her belly curls and clenches. _Damn_. “You know that, right?”

She thinks it’s curious how suddenly he feels the need to make sure she knows that. Her resolution to get over Sebastian as best she can hasn’t been very fruitful so far, and if he keeps up this nice-guy-routine she’s doomed. She loves this side of him. Maybe whatever song she chooses could express her wishful thinking.

“I do,” she nods.

Just then Sebastian’s eyes narrow on the piece of paper on the table. “Is that your set list for Sectionals?” he asks, and reaches for the paper to get a better look.

June snatches it away before he can read the list of songs. “It’s a list of possible solos for me,” she says. “But I just decided which one it’ll be.”

Sebastian arches an eyebrow. “And?”

She reaches down in her bag and takes out a ticket for the Sectionals competition, sliding it towards Sebastian across the table. “You don’t want to miss an opportunity to check out the competition, now do you?”

Sebastian grins.

She gets up from the table. “Don’t call me Miss J again.”

 

.

 

Text from Sebastian: _Hey sexy, break a leg out there ;)_

She can’t help but smile when she sees the words on the small screen of her cell phone, if only to distract her from her upset stomach—she’s hiding in a hallway while the others have gathered in the break room.

Text to Sebastian: _I think I’m gonna be sick =S_

Text from Sebastian: _Deep breaths. Be brave._

Text to Sebastian: _Not working!!!_

Text from Sebastian: _Think of the Eiffel tower… or wind swaying through the trees._

Text to Sebastian: _You’re so full of shit, Smythe…_

Text from Sebastian: _But it worked, didn’t it?_

Text to Sebastian: _Shut up._

Sebastian’s right though; thinking about other things makes her forget the nerves pulsing through her body. She’s about to go on stage in front of an actual audience, and while she’s done that a few times before now, she’s never faced an audience by herself.

“What are you doing here by yourself?” Kurt’s voice comes out of nowhere.

“I’m not really on speaking terms with a lot of people right now,” June answers, even though he already knows this. She scoffs. “You should’ve seen us at rehearsals.”

Kurt settles down on the floor next to her. “Your set list is amazing,” he says. “Finn’s really going to appreciate it.”

“I hope so.”

Finn had gotten home to the bad news that his father’s dishonorable discharge would be upheld, despite Finn’s countless of letters and emails. The New Directions had decided to dedicate at least one of their songs to Finn’s father.

“Your solo—” Kurt starts carefully, but adds a pause for contemplation. She looks at him sideways. “—it’s about him, isn’t it?”

“Kind of.” She shrugs. “Joe told me to apply my reasons for writing to my singing.”

She hopes it’s only obvious to her immediate group of friends rather than the whole world. As far as the others are concerned, Sebastian’s still the same guy who slushied Blaine and tried to blackmail the Glee club with photoshopped pictures of Finn.

Luckily Kurt doesn’t pursue it. “Joe told you that, hu?” he asks.

She laughs and shakes her head. “Mind out of the gutter, Hummel.”

“Come on, there’s something I want to show you,” Kurt says suddenly and gets up from the floor. He holds his hand out to June—she looks at him wide-eyed, but doesn’t question his intentions.

Kurt pulls her up from the ground and helps her straighten her dress, not once releasing her hand. He walks her down the hallway, until they halt in front of the break room. June eyes Kurt suspiciously; what is he trying to do? She doesn’t really want to fight with her friends again, she just wants to get through this competition in one piece.

“Trust me,” Kurt says, and tugs her inside by the hand.

The room falls silent once her and Kurt have entered, most of them staring down at their feet.

“Brett,” Mr Schue says, and the quarterback comes to life.

“Look uhm—I’m sorry about what I said,” Brett says, hands in his pockets. “You’re not a charity case. I actually kinda like you, you know?” he adds bashfully and skips a glance at Blaine and Joe, who both nod a smile at him.

June realizes Blaine and Joe have been talking to the others about her. How can she stay mad at any of them when three of her best friends—Kurt, Joe and Blaine—have worked so hard to change their minds?

“Well, thanks?” she says tentatively.

Everyone looks at Artie next. “I still think he’s bad news,” he says, arms crossed over his chest.

“Artie—” Mr Schue says, disappointment laced in his tone of voice, but at the sound of it June decides that maybe she has to let go of this as well—after all, Sebastian and her have made up, she’s patched things up with Blaine, and it’s clear that there’s more than a few people who weren’t okay with what Artie and Brett confronted her with.

So she makes a concession first: “I’m not excusing anything he’s done in the past, Artie,” she starts, “but—”

“—you know him better than we do,” Artie interrupts. “I get it. And I’m sorry.”

She takes a deep breath. “Apology accepted,” she says just as the sound system announces it’s time for them to get ready.

“Alright!” Mr Schue claps his hands together. “Show choir circle!”

 

.

 

( _And it’s a little late for conversations_

_There isn’t anything that you can say_

_And my eyes hurt, hands shivers, so look at me,_

_Listen to me because_ )

“You okay?” Blaine asks, joining June backstage. The Troubletones are performing onstage, Tina singing solo lead—and she’s taking the opportunity to shine.

_I don’t want to_

“Yeah,” she says, but swallows hard and starts biting her lips.

_Stay another minute_

“About the song—” Blaine starts, and she already knows where this is going. If Kurt came to the conclusion that her song choice was influenced by her feelings for Sebastian than Blaine knows too.  

_I don’t want you_

It makes her feel guilty to think how Blaine told her everything that happened between him and Sebastian, but she couldn’t tell him about Sebastian kissing her. She trusts Blaine more than anything, but all the kiss brought back is a feeling of general confusion, not just about her sexuality, but about Sebastian himself.

_to say a single word_

“It’s not for him,” she says without looking at him. “It’s for me.”

_Hush hush, Hush hush_

Maybe Blaine would tell her that Sebastian was drunk and he never meant to kiss her, maybe he’d say she’s seeing what she wants to see, that she’s making the kiss mean more than it really did. And whatever part of her that’s completely delusional about Sebastian’s feelings for her needs to cling to that hope—so the kiss remains something between her and Sebastian. For the time being at least.

_There is no other way_

_I get the final say_

Blaine moves behind her and massages her shoulders. “Then don’t be nervous,” he says and kisses her hair.

_Baby, hush hush!_

The Troubletones’ song comes to an end; June feels Blaine giving her a nudge to force her onstage.

The auditorium goes dreadfully silent as the Troubletones pour off the stage and a stagehand rushes in a microphone. She can hear the taps of her heels on the ground as she approaches the microphone, the low murmur of the crowd a steady background noise. June takes a deep breath, searching for Sebastian in the crowd. Her eyes find his and he grins at her just when the first notes of her song kick in.

Here goes nothing, she thinks, her heart laid out for everyone to see, for Sebastian.

She closes her eyes. “ _I’ve made up my mind, don’t need to think it over_ ,” she sings. “ _If I’m wrong I am right, don’t need to look no further_.”

“ _This ain’t lust_ ,” her eyes open. Sebastian’s staring at her intently, his smile gone. She doesn’t know if that’s because he’s impressed by her vocals or because the meaning of her song is starting to sink in. “ _I know this is love_.”

 

( _But if I tell the world, I’ll never say enough_

_‘Cause it was not said to you, and that’s exactly what I need to do_

_If I end up with you_ )

 

It’s only when June releases his eyes that he finds himself breathing again. He doesn’t know what’s just happened—it’s the first time he really hears her voice, hears her _singing_ , and he never once thought she’d be such a powerhouse. She’s no Rachel Berry, but he understands why the New Directions gave her a solo.

_Should I give up or should I just keep chasing pavements_

Why did she choose this song though? The New Directions have always picked songs that reflected how any of their members were feeling at any given moment, and this song—who was June singing about? Some girl in her life he hadn’t heard about? Her ex? This Joe guy?

_Even if it leads nowhere?_

He doesn’t know where his next thought comes from, but could she be singing about _him_? His heart’s already beating faster than it really should—what’s happening to him? He knows what this is, he recognizes the feeling all too well, but he never thought a girl could touch him like this. But then he quickly realizes that of all the girls he knows June might be the one he’s most affected by.

_Or would it be a waste, even if I knew my place_

_Should I leave it there?_

The other New Directions girls (he only knows Cohen-Chang and the ditzy blonde and not even by their first names) join June on stage for the second chorus for background vocals.

He’s sitting in the second block of seats, quite a distance away from the stage but he can see June’s eyes shining with tears, throwing herself in the song, belting out note after note. She’d told him she decided on this solo when they last saw each other at the Lima Bean, talking about how the Glee club had questioned their friendship.

Their friendship—it still felt like such an odd thing to say, mostly because it seemed like they constantly switched between friends and something more, something he’s never had with a girl, has rarely had with a guy even, and it’s freaking him out. Things were so much easier before Paris, before he got to know her and he allowed her a peek into his world.

_Should I give up or should I just keep chasing pavements_ ,

_Even if it leads nowhere?_

And if the song’s really for him, what’s his answer? Should he dissuade any feelings on her part or should he reciprocate? He’s never thought about it before, but he thinks he just learned what people mean when they say _we owe it to ourselves to try_. He doesn’t know if he can.

The song ends, and while Blaine and the rest of the New Directions join the others on stage, June addresses the auditorium. “Our last song is dedicated to Christopher Hudson,” she says. “For his service to this country and for his bravery, a true hero to his son, his family, and many others.”

He knows that Berry and Frankenteen are somewhere in the audience as well and if he remembers correctly, Hudson had tried to get his father’s dishonorable discharge overturned. He could’ve told Finn that those things hardly ever get any attention.

_Do you know what’s worth fighting for?_

_When it’s not worth dying for_

The Cohen-Chang girl and one of the sophomores take the first verse together, June falling in on the chorus.

_One, 21 guns_

_Lay down your arms, give up the fight_

_One, 21 guns_

_Throw up your arms into the sky, you and I_

After his conversation with June he got the distinct impression that the New Directions were slowly falling apart, but it seems all the stories about them were true—when it came down to their competitions, they pulled together. Unless you counted that one Nationals competition where Finchel treated the audience to some underage peepshow.

Blaine and the kid in the wheelchair take the second verse together, the whole club joining vocals for the final chorus.

He already knows they’re going to win.

 

#

 

Two hours later they’re all ordering drinks and snacks at Breadstix to celebrate their victory, Sugar paying for all.

“June—” Blaine says, and gestures at something behind her. She turns her head to see what it is and sees Sebastian standing by the cash register. He greets her with a nod, but doesn’t come over; he probably wants to leave her alone with her friends.

She turns back to see most of her friends staring either at her or Sebastian, and a stab of guilt runs through her. They can’t still be angry with her for choosing Sebastian as well, right? They just won Sectionals despite all their fighting this past week and they _rocked_.

“You guys, I—” she starts, but Sugar interrupts her immediately.

“It’s okay,” her raspy voice hushes and for some reason it silences everyone else at the table. “Go say hi to your man candy over there.”

June only just manages to supress a grin at Sugar’s observation and gets up from the table.

“I guess congratulations are in order,” Sebastian says as soon as she reaches him.

She raises an eyebrow; he’s congratulated her before, surely he can say the actual words.

“Congratulations,” he says, leaning in, coming dangerously close. “The Warblers have their work cut out for them.”

Her eyes narrow on his face. “You didn’t just come here to tell me that, did you?”

Sebastian grins. “Don’t flatter yourself, sweetheart,” he says, and to prove his point he peers over her shoulder and waves at Blaine and Kurt. June can imagine both of them rolling their eyes at him. The sad thing is Sebastian teasing her with his interest in Blaine has really started bothering her.

“I’m picking up some food for me and Belle,” he adds.

She looks around but doesn’t see Belle anywhere. “You didn’t leave—”

“June!” Belle shouts and comes running from a nearby booth, before June manages to freak out or yell at Sebastian for leaving her home alone. Belle runs over and throws her arms around her legs.

“Hey, baby girl.” June smiles down at her, brushing her new bangs from her eyes.

“Bastian ruined dinner,” Belle says.

Sebastian sighs, but doesn’t argue the point; she guesses he’s finally realized it’s better to give Belle what she wants from time to time. “Yes, I did,” he says. “But I’m making it up to you later with ice cream.”

Belle’s eyes go so wide they almost pop out of her head. “Strawberry ice cream?” she squeals.

“Whatever you want.” Sebastian shrugs.

Belle lets go of June and rushes towards her brother, hugging her tiny arms around his legs instead. “You’re the best brother ever!” she screams.

Sebastian grins and June can’t help one herself. He pays for their food and offers Belle his hand—things suddenly feel awkward and she doesn’t know why. Maybe it’s the uncertainty over how he received her song. Because singing her feelings away for herself is one thing, being heard by the one boy she’s ever been in love with, well, that’s sort of terrifying.

She turns around and wanders back towards her group of friends.

“The song,” Sebastian calls after her, making her heartbeat spike. She turns and before she can ask ‘what about the song’ Sebastian finishes his question, “—that wasn’t for me, was it?”

_Yes it was, you doofus_ , a tiny voice at the back of her mind whispers, but it’s nowhere brave enough to make her say it. She doesn’t know how she manages the smile: “Don’t flatter yourself, sweetheart.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> References:
> 
> o1. Miss J aka Alexander Jenkins is one of the judges in America's Next Top Model  
> o2. Troubletones song: The Pussycat Dolls; Hush Hush (I Will Survive remix)  
> o3. June's solo: Adele; Chasing Pavements  
> o4. New Directions group number: Greenday ft. American Idiot cast; 21 Guns


	14. Dream On

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> June gets a letter from Yale, but she's too afraid to open it.

She’s pretty sure her legs are shaking, but the nausea making its way up her oesophagus is of more immediate concern to her as she stumbles her way to her locker. Little to her surprise, Joe’s already waiting for her there.

“Hey, are you okay?” Joe asks, eyes narrowing on her face. “You look a little pale,” he adds, and places a hand on her shoulder.

June pulls a letter from between her book and shows it to him: it’s a letter from Yale. “This was in the mail yesterday,” she says, feeling her stomach stirring again. “I managed to sneak it out before my parents saw it.”

“You haven’t opened it.”

She looks up at Joe; his eyes steady her, but her heart hasn’t stopped racing since grabbing that letter from the mailbox yesterday. She knows acceptance and rejection letters were being sent out, but she had no idea they’d get here so soon. “You know how I really only applied to any other school for safety?”

She knows she was about to make a point, but her anxiety gets the better of her. She sinks back against her locker and closes her eyes. “Why did this have to be the first one to arrive?”

“Maybe—” Joe starts, and she opens her eyes again, “—you could wait for the others?”

June smiles; Joe makes an excellent point, of course, she could wait for other letters to arrive before she opens this one, just to cushion the blow. She looks down at the letter, her entire future contained inside, her ticket out of here, everything she’s been working towards for the past six years. Her freedom.

“But what if I got in?” she asks, biting the inside of her cheek. “It’s Yale,” she breathes, heart rate spiking again. “Oh God, what if I _didn’t_ get in?”

Joe puts a hand on her shoulder again, but Blaine joins them before he gets the chance to say anything.

“Hey guys, what’s going on?” Blaine asks, but all June manages is a whine before slumping forward against Blaine, her forehead landing on his shoulder. Blaine’s hand comes around to rest at the small of her back and she hears him whisper something to Joe.

Joe takes the letter from her and holds it up so Blaine can see.

“Is that what I think it is?” he asks. “Why haven’t you opened it?”

June moves back to look at Blaine. “Because it’s my entire future packed in an envelope. All my hopes and dreams could be fulfilled or destroyed once I open this,” she rants. “I’m not strong enough for this, I haven’t slept at all, and—”

Both of Blaine’s hands land on her shoulders. “June,” he says, “Breathe.”

June draws in a shuddery breath, but it makes her queasy again.

“You know you’ll have to open it eventually,” Blaine says.

June nods.

“So—” Blaine says, and takes the letter from Joe, holding it out to her. “—why not do it with your best friends here?” he asks. “Unless you want Sebastian—”

June rolls her eyes. “Shut up,” she says, but smiles in spite of herself. Blaine’s right, she’d much rather do this with her friends than in front of her parents.

She takes a deep breath. “Here goes nothing,” she says, her hands trembling around the letter. Blaine clasps his hands together excitedly and she hears Joe’s sharp intake of breath. She rips the envelope open, unfolding the letter inside meticulously. Her eyes trace the words on the paper, but catch immediately on a particular phrase: _we are sorry to inform you_ …

The world stops turning around her.

“I didn’t get in,” she says, crumpling the letter in her hands.

Tears shoot into her eyes, her heart drops and all of a sudden it’s hard to breathe.

“I’m going to be stuck here forever,” she whispers.

“June—” Blaine says, but she turns away from him, her feet carrying her away.

She rounds the corner and enters the girls’ bathroom, hiding in one of the empty stalls. She sits down on the toilet seat and puts her face in her hands. That’s when she breaks down. She didn’t get into Yale, her one dream, her biggest hope of getting out of this town, of getting away from her family, of being free.

She tries to control her sobbing but she fails miserably, tears drop through her fingers, sorrow wrecking her entire body. She’s never getting out of this town, she’ll be stuck here forever with homophobic parents because she’s too afraid to come out to them without first having some security.

She’ll watch Blaine take off for New York with Kurt and she’ll hear their stories about how amazing college is and how liberating New York is compared to Lima, Ohio. Sebastian will leave for college too, Harvard or Princeton, and he’ll forget all about her.

And she’ll be here, confused, closeted, dreaming of the life she could have had.

“June?” someone calls out to her. It takes her a few moments to realize it’s Tina’s voice.

June takes a shaky breath, but doesn’t say anything. She’s not really in the mood to talk to anyone right now, even though she might have been in here for hours already.

“You know I can hear you sniffling,” Tina says.

“Did Blaine send you?”

“Joe did,” Tina answers. “Blaine wanted to come in here himself.”

June sniffles again and blows her nose on some toilet paper. She gets up and opens the stall door, Tina’s eyes reading nothing but worry and understanding. “I’m so sorry about Yale,” Tina says as June makes her way towards the mirror. She looks a mess. “But you applied to safety schools, right?”

“There’s a reason why they’re called safety schools,” June chokes out, feeling a fresh wave of tears hitting her. “Yale was—everything I ever dreamed about.”

Tina throws an arm around her. “Come here,” she says, and pulls June in for a proper hug.

 

#

 

Despite Kurt being in New York he’s never really felt alone this school year—June made sure to be there for him whenever he needed someone to talk to and all of the New Directions have become close friends of his. The loneliest he’d felt were those two weeks him and June weren’t talking. Now he’s feeling an entirely different kind of lonely.

Actually, he feels powerless. June went home before lunch and hasn’t been returning his texts—he wants to go over there and be with her like she was always there for him, but he knows she doesn’t want him near her parents.

“Hey, killer,” he hears behind him in line. He rolls his eyes (something he thinks he definitely got from June) and turns to face Sebastian, giving him a less-than-impressed look. Sebastian’s long since apologized for kissing him, and they’ve gone back to their family-friendly texting, but he did that for June’s benefit, not his own. He’d feel a lot more comfortable around Sebastian if he’d stop _flirting_ all the time.

“I’m sorry,” Sebastian apologizes. “ _Blaine_ ,” he corrects and looks around. “Where’s your lady sidekick?”

He’d find the time to be genuinely surprised by Sebastian’s immediate self-censorship, but at the mention of June he realizes he’s upset _for_ her. “She’s—”

“Something wrong?”

“She got a rejection letter from Yale today,” he answers. “She’s a mess.”

He’s not sure ‘a mess’ quite describes the state June’s in; she’s always talked about Yale like it was her life’s goal, the way that Kurt and Rachel used to talk about NYADA, like _he’s_ been talking about NYADA for quite some time now—this pursuit was something they could share. It was different with Kurt—every time NYADA came up with him it was just another reminder that his boyfriend would be in New York rather than a car drive away. Talking about the future with June meant working to the point where they’d both get what they wanted.

But now—he’s not sure what he can say to her to make her feel better.

And he can tell from the look in Sebastian’s eyes that he understands how bad June’s feeling. “She’s at home?” he asks.

Blaine nods. “She doesn’t want me over there.” He stares down at his feet. “With her parents—”

“Yeah, no,” Sebastian says. “I get it.”

Blaine’s never even met June’s parents let alone been over at her house, but he knows Sebastian has. And June and Sebastian are friends after all. “You should go see her,” he blurts out. June could just really use someone to talk to, even if it’s Sebastian.

“I’m not her best friend.”

He can’t tell if Sebastian’s just reluctant to do this for him and June or if he considers himself a lesser friend to her than Blaine is. But he laughs, because the reason June invented to convince her parents they shouldn’t meet him was so ridiculous it’s funny. “She’s convinced her parents I have a super jealous girlfriend that doesn’t want me to hang out at another girl’s house,” he says, realizing too late that Sebastian can just as easily make Kurt the butt of a joke. 

And there was a time Sebastian would have, where taking a swing at Kurt or their relationship would have been fun for Sebastian, but apparently Sebastian sees no humor in anything he’s just said. Sebastian frowns to himself: “I suppose it’s always easier to accept a lie when you can’t bring yourself to consider the truth.”

It’s the first time he can tell just how close Sebastian and June have gotten; for her to talk about her parents to him, for him to know and care about the way they treat her, he’s underestimated the depth of their friendship. And June had already told him she knew Sebastian the same way, despite being in love with him.

That’s why he finds himself wanting Sebastian to go over and be with her. “I’m really worried about her,” Blaine says.

Sebastian seems to think this over, but only a few moments later he flashes him that Smythe grin and grabs his wallet. “Got it covered, killer.”

 

#

 

He pulls up to June’s house no twenty minutes after he leaves Blaine at the Lima Bean. Last time he was there he was dropping her off after Paris, because for some reason her parents hadn’t wanted to make the trip to the airport; he actually suspected June told them he insisted on dropping her off himself, just to avoid his parents and her parents meeting. June had made it very clear her parents didn’t like anyone who was different than them, and she was ashamed to just be associated with them.

Blaine or Kurt never met her parents, and she hadn’t even introduced the kid in the wheelchair to them when he’d asked her out to prom—in fact, he thinks June and the kid even met up at school just to avoid all that.

But as far as the Wilders are concerned he’s as straight as they came—he’s fairly sure he can make it through the front door. There was a time where he wouldn’t have even considered coming here just to comfort June. Now Blaine hadn’t even needed to ask, he knew just as well as Blaine how much Yale meant to June and how terrible she must be feeling. But he never thought he’d actually _care_ this much.

He’s not fooling himself anymore, he knows he has feelings for June, but he still hasn’t decided what to do about them. Is it really worth destroying their friendship over, if that’s what they have in the first place? He’s gay, he’s known that for a very long time, but now this—these feelings for June are _real_. But are they deep enough?

As he approaches the front door June’s mother exits the house. “Mrs Wilder,” he says, and smiles; he can be polite when the occasion calls for it.

“Sebastian, what a nice surprise,” Joan Wilder says, visibly cheering up. “I guess you heard about what happened.”

“Blaine told me about it,” Sebastian says, gauging Joan Wilder’s reaction to the mention of the name. But she doesn’t even flinch, so he thinks it must be true—June must have her parents fooled completely. He knows Blaine feels sad for June and sad for her parents that they can’t communicate about this important part of her life.

It doesn’t make him sad.

It makes him furious.

“I’m headed to the grocery store for her favorite ice-cream,” Joan says. “She’s been crying for hours.” She shakes her head. “But what can we do? It’s not like we could’ve applied _for_ her.”

He recognizes the _parents_ speak immediately, though God knows why Joan’s telling him this. He wants to tell her that June’s been working for this on her own for years, that despite her parents wish for her to do good in school it’s all _her_ and no one else. But what would be the point of telling her mother that?

“I should go see her,” he says.

Joan nods. “She’s in the living room.”

He makes his way inside, balancing the carton with coffee in one hand. He can hear the TV playing, and when he rounds a corner into the living room, he can see June sitting on the couch, knees drawn up high to her body.

She casts him one glance before returning her attention to the television, her eyes red-rimmed from crying. “How’d you get in here?”

“Your mom let me in on her way out,” he answers. June sniffles, but refuses to look at him again. “Blaine told me what happened.” More silence follows—June’s fiddling with a tissue and fighting more tears.

He doesn’t know what to do, he just stands there with one hand in his pocket, struggling for words, watching June struggle and he feels _powerless_. What can he possibly say to her to make her feel better? He knows for a fact that she’ll get into another great school, but Yale was her dream, and even though she’d never said it in so many words, he know she considered Yale her ticket out of here, away from her parents, _free_ from this closeted life.

But there’s no reason any other school can’t do the same.

“I brought you this,” he tries, holding up the coffee he got for her.

June releases a shaky breath and looks up at him. “I hate you.”

He smirks. “You don’t,” he says and walks over the couch. He sits down next to her and hands her the cup of coffee.

She takes a sip, but recoils as soon as the coffee moves past her lips. “Oh my God,” June exclaims. “Is there—Is there Courvoisier in this?”

He grins. “I thought you might need something with a stronger punch.”

June shakes her head, but can’t hide a smile; he’ll consider that a small victory. He glances at the television, playing the movie version of _Rent_ , the coffee table strewn with used tissues and a pile of chick flicks. As far as stereotypes go, June’s pretty much got this one down.

They don’t talk for a long time, they watch the movie until the end and by that time June’s eyes are watery again, but he thinks that’s more because of the movie. Once the credits start rolling June stares down at the floor.

“You didn’t have to come,” she says. 

“I’m sorry,” he lets the words slip involuntarily.

June puts a hand over her eyes and a sob rips through her body—she huddles over and pulls her knees up to her chest, unable to control her tears.

“Hey, don’t—” He straightens himself out and stretches out a hand tentatively. “Don’t cry.” He scoots closer to her, but June doesn’t stop crying and he can’t stand this—there’s so many things he could say, that it’s not the end of the world, that there are other schools for her, but seeing her in pain like this—he honestly didn’t think it would affect him like this.

“I have absolutely no idea how to comfort girls.” He puts an arm around her and pulls her into his chest. “Or guys,” he adds. Maybe he says it to make sure she knows this is uncharacteristic for him, or that she’s someone special to him; he doesn’t know which one he’d rather have her know. But something tells him June already knows this isn’t his usual style.

June cries into his chest, hands clinging to his blazer, one of his own stroking up and down her back. “Honestly, you should see me with Belle.”

June chuckles through her tears. “I’ve seen you with Belle, doofus,” she says, and sniffles, moving back to look at him.

There’s only a few inches separating them—he’s reminded of that night in Paris, the last time he had her this close willingly, and he knows he probably shouldn’t say what he’s about to, but the words slip out nonetheless: “There’ll be other dreams, you know,” he says.

June casts down her eyes—the loss makes his heart sink in an unfamiliar way, so he’s encouraged to keep talking. “You get straight A’s and you’ve got extra-curriculars. You applied to every Ivy League school in the country. They can’t all reject you.”

But June only shakes her head and moves out of his arms. “That’s not even—”

“What is it?”

She looks up again. “I need a full ride, Sebastian,” June says. “Not just to get out of the house, but—”

It hits him then: the way she always talks about her brother, the way she feels about her parents, the reason she was drawn to Blaine and Kurt and even him. He always figured Yale was about getting into a prestigious school and that the distance afforded made the perfect escape from an oppressive life in Lima. But this goes deeper.

“You’re thinking of coming out to your parents.”

He doesn’t make it a question, because it all makes sense—it explains why she’s so upset—losing Yale isn’t just about losing a potential future, it’s about her identity and the kind of person she wants to be.

“Not thinking,” June corrects, not once releasing his eyes.

He feels his heartbeat rising.

“I’m doing it,” June adds. “I want to be brave. I just need a little security first.”

He nods without saying a word. Of course he understands. How can he not? He wonders if she’s told Kurt or Blaine about any of this, or that Joe guy for that matter.

June takes another sip from her coffee but pulls a face. “How do you drink this stuff?” she asks.

He grins. “I’ve built up a tolerance.”

When June smiles at him, and he realizes _he’s_ the one that put it there he feels his stomach stir in a way it had previously only done for guys—he’s always thought June beautiful because he was a comfortable guy and admitting that someone’s beautiful had nothing to do with being in love. But now, finding beauty when all she’s done these past few hours was cry, where did that come from?

Yeah, he’s in trouble. 


	15. I Should Tell You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sebastian asks Blaine for relationship advice, because he has to do something about his feelings for June.

The Lima Bean is uncharacteristically busy during the Monday lunch crowd, yet somehow Blaine and June always seem to find a table—maybe it’s because they’re regulars. Today it’s only Blaine sitting at a corner table, going through some notes for school. Sebastian had seen June and Blaine here last Thursday and Friday, but he’d had to run to Warbler practice so he hadn’t really talked to either of them since June’s rejection from Yale.

He could’ve made an effort to reach out to June again, but after that night last week where they’d talked, he’d sat through three chick flicks with her, and her parents had even ordered them pizza while they went out to give them more privacy. He needed a lot of time to think, about their friendship, about his feelings, about the kind of guy he wants to be.

June had it all figured out: she’d come out to her parents once she clinched a scholarship and he very much doubts she’ll look back from there. But what kind of person is he? He’s more than his clever remarks and backhandedness, he’s more than a random hook-up at a gay bar and he’s definitely more than the boy who’s meant to follow in his father’s footsteps.

He knows he’s expected to go to Harvard Law School like his father and grandfather, but he’s never once wondered if it’s what he wants. Everything he’s ever wanted so far has consisted of hot one-night stands with guys he knew exactly how to seduce, a shot of Courvoisier in his morning coffee and beating the New Directions. When it came to the here and now he’s always known what he wanted and he’s usually gotten it. But what about the future? What about the long run?

He’s only eighteen and maybe he’s too young to make responsible decisions, but he should at least have some _idea_. Most of the time, though, thinking about it is just too hard. He’s not an introspective person, he lives in the moment, he’s spontaneous, _impulsive_ even, which had cost him Blaine and almost June. Why had they even forgiven him after all the crap he’d pulled these past two years? Blaine didn’t owe him anything, and thinking of Blaine as ‘just that kind of guy’ only makes him respect him more. And June—the girl with the loud opinions and someone much more likely to just dump him—how exactly had he earned her loyalty? Why did she forgive him time and time again? Because she really considers him a close friend? Or was it something more?

“Hey, killer.” He walks over to where Blaine’s sitting. “Mind if I join you?”

Blaine looks up, surprised to see Sebastian; he knows Sebastian’s been avoiding him and June and he really doesn’t understand why. He’d helped them both out, after all. “Sure,” he answers.

“Where’s June?” Sebastian asks once he’s settled down at the table. “She’s not still—”

Blaine shakes his head. “She’s rehearsing for the school musical.”

“You’re still doing that?”

“Mr Schue wanted it after the wedding but Ms Pillsbury wanted it before the wedding, so then Sue interfered and scheduled both on the same day, and—” Blaine pauses and looks up at Sebastian, who’s already grinning widely. He really wishes it didn’t still have such an effect on him, but he can’t help it—Sebastian has a gorgeous smile and he damn well knows it. “You don’t really want to hear about this, do you?”

“Not really, no.” Sebastian chuckles.

Blaine looks away; he’ll only ever admit to his attraction to Sebastian to himself, but he knows other people can tell. “Look, Sebastian,” he says, to change the subject, to get his mind off Sebastian—it’s moments like this that being away from Kurt is hard. “I wanted to thank you—for what you did for June.” He looks up at Sebastian, but this time it’s Sebastian who averts his eyes. “I know you didn’t have to.”

Sebastian shakes his head almost imperceptibly. He doesn’t want praise for something he would have done anyway. So just like Blaine he decides to change the subject. “So what’s up with June and that Jesus kid, hu?”

“Who, Joe?” Blaine asks. “They’re just friends.” He’s never given it much thought to be honest, but they did spend a lot of time together—but he knows June’s really in love with Sebastian. Could she have feelings for Joe too? “I mean, they like each other,” he adds. “But I don’t think it’ll ever be anything serious.”

Blaine watches Sebastian closely, at how his body language changes: leaning back in his chair, spinning his coffee cup around on the table—he’s clearly discomforted now. “Why?” Blaine asks.

Sebastian shrugs. “Just looking out for our girl, you know?”

_Our girl?_ Blaine wonders.

“We both know she has great things ahead of her,” Sebastian says. “She doesn’t need some small town hillbilly holding her back.”

Blaine eyes Sebastian; is he talking about him and Kurt now, about how they’re holding each other back with this long-distance thing?

Sebastian’s eyes shoot up to meet his. “That wasn’t a comment on your relationship,” he blurts out, and Blaine’s completely lost—exactly where is this conversation going? Why is Sebastian asking about June’s love life? Or was he asking about Joe? Last time he checked Joe and Sebastian hadn’t interacted.

“You and Kurt—” Sebastian swallows hard, “—you’re _both_ very talented.” Why is this so hard? He just wants to have a serious conversation, just one, and he already sounds like one of those love-sick bumbling fools in a romantic comedy.

“Sebastian—” Blaine starts carefully. “What is this?”

He doesn’t look up at Blaine immediately—he takes a deep breath and thinks it through: he wants _advice_ , he wants to know how to deal with his feelings without coming on too strong, _without_ being impulsive. “Have you ever liked someone that you never considered to be your type before?” Sebastian asks, leaning forward as if sharing a secret with Blaine.

Blaine’s eyes go wide in surprise.

“Like—someone who completely blindsided you?” Sebastian adds.

Blaine doesn’t release Sebastian’s eyes. “Kurt,” he answers, feeling like honesty is the best course at this point. “He sort of—crept up on me. But I knew in one moment.” Blaine leans back in his chair and huffs; he can’t believe that was almost two years ago, that day during Warbler practice and Kurt had barged in, dressed (mostly) in black because Pavarotti had died, that beautiful rendition of _Blackbird_ and—that _pull_ in his chest that was trying to tell him something incredibly important.

He didn’t realize it right away, him and Kurt were best friends after all, so realizing he was in love with him came as a bit of a shock. He was lucky Kurt felt the same way—he knew unrequited love just as well and how painful it could be. And if Sebastian _It Doesn’t Bother Me If It Doesn’t Bother You_ Smythe was dealing with the same thing now, he’s kind of flattered he came to him for advice.

“What if you’re not sure?” Sebastian asks.

“Then it’s about putting yourself out there,” Blaine answers. He did the same with Jeremiah and even Kurt, “taking a chance on another person. And—trusting that person with a very vulnerable part of yourself.”

Sebastian stares down at the table. He doesn’t think he knows how to do that, trust someone with that part of him, expect someone _to_ trust that part of him in the first place—June knows him too well now, she’d never trust him to know how to be a boyfriend.

“Is there someone—” Blaine asks, shaking Sebastian from his thoughts.

“No,” Sebastian says, because he had no intention of telling Blaine anything in the first place. But what’s he doing even _thinking_ about being June’s boyfriend? He doesn’t know how to do that, how to be that kind of person. “Forget about it.”

Sebastian gets up and leaves without another word, but Blaine’s still confused. He just had an honest face-to-face conversation with Sebastian about _liking_ someone and judging by Sebastian’s discomfort he gathered the feelings were probably stronger than that. He wasn’t talking about Joe and he couldn’t have been talking about June—after all, Sebastian’s gay, right?

So maybe it was someone at Dalton.

Whoever it is, he hopes they’re prepared for someone as emotionally unavailable as Sebastian.

 

#

 

What was Mr Schue even thinking casting her as Mimi? Why hadn’t Artie—the _director_ —already put a stop to this? She’s at a point where she doesn’t even want to be in the musical anymore—Tina made one fierce Maureen and everyone else had been appointed an appropriate role with understudy. Right now Brittany would make a better Mimi, dancing-wise and acting-wise. If only she was better at memorizing lines.

June doesn’t know how to be sexy; the only time she’s ever let go was in Europe when she knew no one else was looking or with a certain amount of alcohol running through her veins. She’s learned how to be a performer, that much the Glee club had accomplished this year, but all those times her own personal feelings had been involved. Now she’s supposed to act out a character that’s nothing like her. She has all the lyrics down and all her lines but not her acting.

She’s not sure she ever will.

So she’s been practising every day after Glee rehearsals—she’s even started acting in front of the mirror at home to get some idea of her own expressions. But it’s no use, she still hasn’t found her inner Mimi. It doesn’t help that realizing she lost Yale still hurts every time, no matter how many people reassure her that she’ll get into other schools. She knows she shouldn’t have been holding out for a single college, but it’s everything she’s been working towards for the past few years, ever since she decided she’d come out to her parents once she got a scholarship. Yes, another school would accept her, but the thought of other letters arriving soon has her stressed as well. And then there’s Regionals coming closer, just one more week away, where they’ll be competing against the Warblers. Against Sebastian.

God, why can’t she just shut down her brain? She can’t focus on anything.

“What are you still doing here?” a voice sounds from behind her. Joe. He must’ve heard the music.

She turns around and smiles. “Practising,” she answers, and realizes that more than anything she’s just looking for a way to relax so she doesn’t have to think about everything going on in her life right now. Her parents have been suffocating her since her rejection from Yale, not necessarily to make her feel better, but because they feel like they’ve lost something too.

“Distracting myself.” She runs a hand through her hair. “I don’t want to screw this up.”

“You won’t,” Joe says.

Sometimes she wishes she had as much faith in herself as her friends seem to have. She doesn’t even know where they get it; what do they see that she—or her parents for that matter—don’t see?

“Do you—” June hesitates, but she really needs to hear someone say it. “Do you think I’m sexy?”

Joe smiles. “Yes,” he answers without blinking.

June feels her cheeks flush. She’s not oblivious about her attraction to Joe, but between his flirtatious fling with Quinn last year and her own feelings for Sebastian it just doesn’t feel right—and there’s the fact that the end of the school year’s only a few months away. It wouldn’t be fair to either of them to start something based on a little attraction. But she’d be lying if she said she isn’t flattered when Joe looks at her like this.

“Try dancing for someone who makes you feel sexy,” Joe says.

June chuckles. “That’s all there is to it?” she asks.

“I guess.” Joe smiles. “It’s just something I imagine Blaine would say.”

He’s right, June thinks, but Joe’s been giving her plenty of good advice this past year as well. She’s just not sure this advice will actually help her.

“I’ll see you tomorrow,” Joe says, and June waves him goodbye.

Who makes her feel sexy? June chuckles; she’s never felt sexy in her entire life, she still feels too gangly and teenage-y in her body even though everything is in proportion: she’s 5’8” tall, naturally slim with a fairly slender waist—but she liked her body about as much as the next teenager. She’s never felt sexy, she’s never been a seductress or promiscuous in any way. Of course, as Mimi the stripper she doesn’t just have to be sexy, but sexual, particularly in the song she’s been rehearsing the past hour: _Out Tonight_.

The song segues into _Another Day_ , but she needs Brett to help her practice that one—only Brett doesn’t make her feel sexy at all.

She climbs the metal steps of the set—Coach Beiste and the football team had constructed the set weeks ago, which made it easy to practice. The steps led to a balcony overlooking the entire stage—this is where most of her solo act took place. She’d even have to climb the railings like monkey bars, but at least she already had the movements down. Whether or not they were sexy (or the prescribed pg13) the others would have to decide. If they ever managed to do a general rehearsal again that is. They’d only done the whole show once because of Mr Schue’s indecisiveness and most of them didn’t even know their marks yet.

June turns on the music by remote control and places it on the balcony where she won’t step on it.

_What’s the time? Well, it’s gotta be close to midnight_

_My body’s talking to me, It says ‘time for danger.’_

Only her body has never even come close to saying anything like that. She’s not a virgin anymore—she lost her virginity to Sarah when she was sixteen, but the only other sexual experience she’s had was in a bathroom stall in Paris. She’d felt sexual on those occasions, but that was a moment between two people that was intimate and personal. Not on display in front of an entire audience. And she couldn’t just conjure up these feelings, even when thinking about Sarah or Serena.

_It says ‘I wanna commit a crime, Wanna be the cause of a fight,_

_Wanna put on a tight skirt, and flirt with a stranger.’_

The closest she’s come to being a seductress was in Paris, but that was _Paris_ and no one was watching her—well, Sebastian was there but he’d never judge her and in any case, he was kind of preoccupied himself. Now she’d have a pretty big audience watching her every    move, her parents, and Sebastian probably.

She’s suddenly reminded of that dream she had about Sebastian in Rome, still so vivid in her mind, sexy _and_ sexual. The skin-tight outfit would closely resemble the one she’d wear for the musical. Only that had just been a dream, even if it was still the setting of many of her fantasies involving Sebastian.

What is she going to do about Sebastian? She can’t deny her feelings for him any longer, but she can’t exactly tell him either. He’d probably just make fun of her and that would effectively end their friendship. But the way he’d been there for her last week, bringing her coffee, talking to her, holding her—if she hadn’t been crying she’d probably have enjoyed that more. His actions had touched her in a way that only made her realize just how hopelessly in love she was. Maybe it’s just as well that he’s gay—she wouldn’t know what to do with herself if he ever did have feelings for her.

_You’re sweet, wanna hit the street?_

_Wanna wail at the moon like a cat in heat?_

_Just take me out tonight._

June descends the staircase again, fully aware she’s not really paying much attention to what emotions she’s portraying. She climbs on top of the table anchored to the stage, at the end of which she’s supposed to meet Brett—her Roger—but she’ll just act to thin air for now.

_Please take me out tonight, Don’t forsake me—out tonight_

_I’ll let you make me—out tonight, Tonight—Tonight—Tonight!_

She sits back on her heels, the music playing on, and a slow clapping starts from just off-stage. Had Joe stayed to watch her number? But it’s not Joe who emerges from the shadows—it’s Sebastian. Did he watch her whole performance?

“Not bad,” he says, and walks over leisurely, taking in the auditorium even though he’s been here twice before. “You’ve got the lyrics and the acrobatics down, but the vocals could still use some—”

June arches an eyebrow. She’s still on top of the table, her eyes now level with Sebastian’s.

“—spicing up,” Sebastian adds.

_He’s flirting_ , the thought crosses June’s mind fleetingly and Sebastian’s talking again before she gets a word in.

“Are you and that Jesus kid officially a thing now, or—?”

June blinks—if she wasn’t so tense all of a sudden she’d probably have rolled her eyes. “His name is Joe, and we’re not,” she answers, turning so she can throw her legs over the edge of the table. That’s the second time he’s asked her about Joe, why is he so curious about her love life?

“Why are you here?” she asks instead.

“I thought I could help you practice,” Sebastian lies. He thinks he’s here to trust June with his feelings, just like Blaine said, but now that he’s here and she’s so close again he can feel his resolve faltering. He’s not cut out for this, he’s _nervous_ for God’s sake, maybe this is why he’s never bothered with the relationship side of things.

And watching June dancing to _Out Tonight_ was enough to make him remember those little moments where he just knows he felt attracted to her: that time in Rome when she opened the door between their rooms and she’d only been wearing a top and her panties—she looked all flustered and hot in the face and couldn’t take her eyes off his body; or that time in Madrid when she’d settled her body against his, begging him to dance with her. But then there was that night in the cab on their way back from the party—that had been a mixture of so many different things.

But attraction isn’t the same as feelings—he understands the mechanics of attraction, but nothing beyond that.

Sebastian clears his throat. “You need a guy for this next part, right?” he asks, because if he’s not going to make his grand confession now, he might as well use whatever confidence he has left to help her out.

June eyes him suspiciously. “I thought you couldn’t stand the smell of public schools,” she teases.

“Hey.” He shrugs. “When the stage calls.”

Well, she could use the practice, June figures, and getting Brett in these rehearsals has been an absolute nightmare. It seemed like he always had something better to do.

“Do you know the words?” June asks, even though she’s pretty sure Sebastian knows more songs than she gives him credit for.

“Please.” Sebastian grins. “I got this.”

He walks over to the CD player and restarts the song; June remains seated on the table, which is supposed to be her position anyway. She’s seen Sebastian perform often enough to know he can improvise this number, yet for some reason her heart’s beating faster—in the number Brittany choreographed there’s a certain amount of touching involved—she’s not sure she can do that with someone she’s actually attracted to—wait, what is she even thinking? Sebastian might be the one person that can make her express this properly, and as far as he’s concerned she’s only acting.

_Who do you think you are? Barging in on me and my guitar?_

_Little girl, hey, the door is that way_

_You better go, you know the fire’s out anyway…_

He stalks back to the table, where June’s sitting up on her knees again. She seems to have forgotten he watched _Rent_ with her just last week, so he knows the dynamics here—and he knows a lot of lyrics. He sits down on the table, back turned to her. There’s a tiny voice at the back of his mind that’s calling him a coward and it’s right.

_I should tell you_

He doesn’t really know what he’s doing. He came here to finally face this thing down and he chickened out.

_I should tell you_

_I should_ —He feels June’s hand creep up his shoulder, right on cue. There’s a part of him that doesn’t want to move away like Roger does with Mimi, but he knows he has to stay in character if he doesn’t want to give anything away— _no!_

He turns around and faces her.

_Another time, another place_

_Our temperatures would climb, there’d be a long embrace_

_We’d do another dance, It’d be another play_

_Looking for romance, Come back another day…_

It’s chilling how accurately these lyrics are expressing his thoughts.

_Another day._

He passes June and sits down on the other side of the table. It’s her turn now.

_The heart may freeze or it can burn,_

_The pain will ease if I can learn_

_There is no future, there is no past_

_I live this moment as my last…_

There’s so much inside of her that wants to mean every word she’s singing, that wants to be the impulsive uninhibited girl that could own up to what she’s feeling, that didn’t always care so much about other people’s opinions of her—that’s all that’s holding her back, fear that her parents will look at her the way they look at her brother or anyone else who’s different, she’s even afraid that Blaine will call her crazy if she tells him her feelings for Sebastian are actually growing.

Sebastian comes closer again, his character inspired by her words, drawn to her. How badly she wants that to be true. She gets off the table.

_There’s only us, There’s only this_

_Forget regret, Or life is yours to miss…_

He’s so close to her now he can feel her breath on his skin with every word she sings. This is crazy, he thinks, a girl shouldn’t be able to make him feel like this, this exposed, this willing to say ‘screw you’ to everything he’s ever believed himself to be. He’s already realized feelings just aren’t that easily categorized.

_No other road_

_No other way_

_No day but today…_

June has to catch her breath but that’s difficult to do with Sebastian so close; the only thing she seems able to do is stare into his eyes. She can only hear their breathing, the music’s long faded into background static. Why isn’t he backing away? Why isn’t he making some clever remark to break the mounting tension? Why isn’t _she_?

It happens in a flash—all his good intentions go out the door, everything he told himself he wouldn’t do just breaches the surface in those few moments spent staring down into June’s eyes, his heart hammering in his chest, breathing labored. He wasn’t going to be impulsive and scare her away, but words leave him.

Sebastian raises a hand to June’s cheek and her lips part in a gasp.

_She wants this too_ , he thinks, and that’s what does it.

He leans in and presses an open-mouthed kiss to her lips, June’s immediately pressing into his as well. Heat pools somewhere deep inside him. He draws his lips against hers to gently encourage her mouth open, pushing carefully, their breath playing between them—June grabs his shoulder for support with one hand, the other around his tie.

He’s already breathless when his tongue brushes her bottom lip, licking up to her upper lip as well, opening her mouth further. Her tongue darts out and settles against his—he pulls her in closer with one hand, tongue melting against hers, inhibitions waning. It’s hot and wet and it’s like the world dissolves around them.

That is until the CD player starts squealing.

June releases his lips immediately, spooked by the sudden noise. “I’m sorry,” she says and leaves the warmth of his embrace to turn off the intrusive sound.

But the distance puts what just happened in stark perspective for both of them. They’d been caught up in the moment, coming down from a musical number where they’d both let go and it had made them bold. Impulsive even.

June turns around and faces him. What the hell did they just do? What the hell just happened? Her entire brain is screaming now and she can’t make sense out of anything anymore. Sebastian kissed her. “Sebastian—” she says, because she has to; Sebastian’s still standing with one hand raised and he looks just about as shocked as she does.

June’s voice brings reality crashing back. “I’m sorry,” he says, and he’s apologizing for everything he just forced on her. On them.

“It’s okay,” June whispers, her voice hoarse.

“No,” he blurts out and snaps out of his stupor; he drops his hand and looks at June. What did he just do? He shakes his head. “I have to go,” he says.

Before June can utter anything that might stop him he’s walking, _running_ , off-stage, down the McKinley hallways and out into the parking lot. He reaches his car and leans his arms down on the hood. It feels like a fist has formed around his throat and he can’t breathe.

He liked that. Actually, he’d almost say he loved kissing June—it was hot and intimate and everything else a kiss should be, but with _a girl_. He’s never felt that with a girl, but now he has and his world is spinning. What does this mean? Is he bisexual too? Does that matter? _Should_ that matter?

He came here to tell June about his feelings, but what are his feelings? Yes, he cares about June as a friend, he doesn’t like seeing her hurt or in distress and _yes_ , he’s attracted to her. But did that count as love? Does that count as something they should chase in the long run?

_No_ , another tiny voice at the back of his mind whispers, he’s no good for her.

 

#

 

By the time she pulls up to her house she’s shaking all over. She can’t think and she can barely breathe and she thinks that any moment she’ll burst out into tears—she wants to make it to her room before her parents notice something’s wrong. But then she’s stumbling out of her car and she drops her keys at the front door. She whines, keeling forward and grabbing for her keys frantically.

Her vision goes blurry as she makes her way through the front hall, into the living room—she somehow manages to stumble up the stairs and into her room, but she has no idea if her parents are even in the house. She hopes not.

June crashes down on the bed and realizes she just left all her stuff in the car, including her cell phone.

“Honey?” her mother’s voice sounds from behind the door, and before June manages to tell her mother to leave her alone, the door opens. “Honey, what’s wrong?” her mother asks; there must be something in her eyes that gives away her distress.

She doesn’t know what does it—whether she needs a shoulder to cry on and more than anything she wants that to be a mother who just listens and understands, or if it’s the sudden care in her mother’s voice, but she bursts out into tears. The bed dips, her mother sitting down next to her and she places a comforting arm around her shoulder. Is this what it feels like, she wonders, to have a mother for a best friend? The thought calms her down.

“He kissed me,” she whispers and looks at her mother through wet eyelashes.

“Sebastian?” her mother asks.

“How—?” she starts, but her breath hitches in her throat. Of course, the lie she and Sebastian had started in Europe, before she was in love, for her parents’ benefit. She can’t talk to her mother about this, not without there being questions she has no answer to. Why had Sebastian done that in the first place? Why had he helped her set up this ridiculous scenario? She could have stayed blissfully single until coming out and her parents would have been none the wiser.

Sebastian had kissed her, then, on the cheek, but why? Why had he kissed her now? The attempted kiss outside of the bar had been different, he’d been drunk and thinking about kissing Blaine. But this time around—this hadn’t been some sloppy drunk kiss that he forced on her, he’d taken his time, waited for her to react. And how could she not? She’d been drawn to him, no rational thought in her mind trying to remind her that Sebastian was gay.

And then that kiss, dear God, if only it had sucked, if only it had been the worst idea either of them had ever had—only it wasn’t. It was hot, it was erotic, her breathing deep, stomach pooling with heat. Just replaying it in her mind now brought everything back so vividly it almost hurts—Sebastian’s hand on her cheek, body drawn close to hers, his tongue brushing against her lips—

She raises a hand to her lips. What was Sebastian thinking?

“So you two are getting pretty serious, hu?” her mother asks, brushing her hair back over her shoulder.

June swallows hard as she looks at her mother again. _No, it’s all a lie_ , she desperately wants to say, _we pretended so you wouldn’t ask questions_. And it was fine because Sebastian’s gay and he’d never really be interested in her—oh God, Sebastian was her beard. What’s she going to do? Sebastian was never really an option for her until now—did he even know what he was doing? Was he just—trying her out?

Blaine, she thinks suddenly, she needs to talk to Blaine. He’ll know what to say or when to just hold her, he’ll tell her everything will be okay even if it might never be again, but at least he knows all sides of this. Most importantly he knows her. Her parents don’t.

“I need to see Blaine,” she says, voice thick with tears.

“You’re not going to bother that boy with this,” her father’s voice sounds from the doorway. June doesn’t want to know how long he’s been standing there.

“Dad, please, he’s my best friend,” she pleads, even though deep down she already knows this is an argument she can’t win. But she needs her best friend now.

“Who has a girlfriend,” her mother chimes in. “What’s she going to think if you show up like this?”

June can’t believe this is happening, she’s being held prisoner by a lie she constructed to protect Blaine, to make sure he’d never have to face her parents’ derogatory remarks. It would break her heart if her parents ever talked to Blaine the way they talked about her brother.

“I need to talk to him!” she almost shouts, but the flare in her father’s eyes chastises her immediately.

“Then talk to us, honey.” Her mother takes hold of her hand. “You’re so much like your brother sometimes.” June freezes. No, she thinks, they can’t go there, not now. “He kept shutting us out, never introduced us to his friends. And when he—” _came out_ , June thinks, but knows her mother won’t say it. She never does. “Well—” her mother’s voice trails off.

“It was too late for us to help him,” her father says, voice booming.

June gets up from the bed and releases her mother’s hand. How could she think that things would be different even for a moment? She’d been fooled because she was panicking and she needed someone to tell her the world wasn’t actually ending. But clearly her parents could never be her anchors.

“Don’t talk about him like that,” June says softly, but her parents hear her fine. They know she loves John more than anything, even if she’s been selfishly idiotic in her interactions with him. Her mother and father exchange looks briefly, but they know they shouldn’t say anything more—she’s too upset to take much of this anyway.

June crosses her arms over her chest, her eyes watering up again. “I’d like to be alone now,” she says.

Her dad sighs and backs away, while her mother gets up from the bed in silence, closing the door behind her. June draws in a shuddery breath and tries to exhale normally, but a flood of tears rushes to her eyes and she crashes. She falls down onto her bed and curls up into a fetal position.

How will things ever be the same again?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> References:
> 
> o1. June solo: Rent OST; Out Tonight  
> o2. June and Sebastian: Rent OST; Another Da


	16. Regionals

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> June finds her song just before Regionals - but the Warblers are bringing it to. In the mean time June and Sebastian still haven't talked.

“Mr Schue, I’ve found my song,” June had announced not one hour ago when Glee club started. Blaine thinks she looks tired, more tired than when she’s working on a deadline.

It’s Tuesday now, with Regionals a week and a half away, which in the Glee club usually meant they’d spent at least another week arguing about their set list, all of them hungering for a solo or even just a line to sing.

But this time around it was different—Mr Schue had decided very early on that Joe and June would be singing a duet together, and that the Troubletones would tackle _Who Says_ by Selena Gomez  & The Scene with Tina and Brittany singing lead. Blaine thinks that this outspoken show in leadership is Mr Schue’s way of apologizing for the hassle the school musical is causing.

June’s announcement ended up being the missing piece of the puzzle. As soon as the words “ _Part of Me_ by Katy Perry” left her mouth, everyone had cheered, Mr Schue both impressed and pleased that June had managed to find a song that could actually count as a personal anthem, and Blaine himself had put up his hand to suggest they could close their set list with _Part of Me_ as their group number. He, Tina, Artie and June would be taking the lead together.

It felt strange to have their set list anchored so soon. Maybe now they could focus more thoroughly on the choreography. The Warblers are worthy opponents on their worst days—the New Directions would need all the fire power they could get if they wanted to go to Nationals again. Blaine still isn’t entirely convinced it wasn’t their patriotism that had won them Sectionals.

“Alright, guys,” Mr Schue closes the session for the day. “Tomorrow we’ll hit the ground running!”

Everyone gets up from their seats and scatters in groups of two or three, him and June included. “Do you want to grab some coffee?” he asks, even though she’d declined his offer this morning.

“No, I’m good,” comes the same negative reply and he thinks he sees it again—a tiredness right at her core, like answering the question is a burden, or maybe it’s the answer instead.

“Do you want to come over?” he asks, because he’s working on the theory that she’s either slowly losing her mind due to caffeine deprivation, or there’s something she’s avoiding. Only when did Sebastian become someone she wanted to avoid?

June looks at him and smiles. “Sure,” she says.

Half an hour later they’ve settled down opposite each other on his bed, history books and notebooks splayed open between them for a paper that’s due this Friday, and June’s contently sipping from an espresso his mom made her.

“So, are you going to tell me what’s wrong?” he asks. He thinks that maybe she doesn’t talk about Sebastian to him to spare him, but she has to know there’s nothing she can’t tell him. He knows she’s confused and maybe scared, but he’ll always be here for her.

“I’m avoiding Sebastian,” June answers, realizing quickly Blaine’s already figured out what this is really about. She hadn’t told him about the kiss her and Sebastian had shared—she hadn’t wanted to face her parents again and after a while it just seemed strange to be freaking out over a kiss. Isn’t that what she wanted? Isn’t that what everyone who’s ever been in love wants? To be validated by the person they’re in love with, to be seen, to be noticed? Sebastian had reciprocated her feelings, and shouldn’t that make her happy rather than make her cry?

“Right. I got that,” Blaine says. “Can I ask why?”

June looks up at Blaine and bites her lip, her eyes guilt-ridden.

“You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to,” Blaine adds, because he doesn’t want to drag it out of her either. But why won’t she open up about this? She’s always talking or writing, sticking up for her opinions or defending people, yet when it comes to her own feelings she shuts down. He knows that’s her parents’ fault.

“I don’t know what I’m feeling,” June confesses. “With Sarah—despite everything—it just seemed simpler.”

“Don’t you think that’s because she felt the same way?” he asks, realizing too late June could misunderstand his meaning and think he’s calling her out, that somehow he thinks she’s delusional for being in love with a gay guy. “I’m not trying to invalidate your feelings for Sebastian, but—”

June looks up at him. “He kissed me,” she blurts out.

Blaine blinks and shakes his head, and he can’t remember what he was saying. “What?” he asks, and he’d have found a way to make that sound less offensive if he wasn’t going into shock right now.

June swallows hard. She’d planned to tell him yesterday, but her parents had effectively cut those plans short. And what could she really say? That the guy who’s been flirting with Blaine for the past two years had kissed her? But Blaine’s looking at her now and he looks so worried and almost helpless—she should stop shutting him out all the time. Especially out of something he can actually relate to. But then no one in her life had really ever taught her how to talk about her sexuality.

“He showed up at my rehearsal yesterday and he—” She looks down at her hands. “He kissed me.” She shrugs, trying really hard not to remember, but Sebastian’s lips are still right there on hers and she can’t ignore the butterflies in her stomach.

Blaine frowns to himself. So, Sebastian went to see June right after their conversation at the Lima Bean? His questions about Joe, about liking someone that he never considered his type before… holy hell—Sebastian has feelings for June too. Feelings he said he wasn’t entirely sure about, but still, if he’d done her the courtesy to talk to Blaine first, maybe there was something to them. Though kissing her wasn’t exactly what Blaine had meant by putting himself out there.

He can tell that whatever happened between June and Sebastian has left her shaken, and yet it must have been one hell of a kiss, because June’s all jittery and her eyes are sparkling. He knows what it’s like to be on the receiving end of those Smythe lips—whether he’d wanted it or not, he remembers Sebastian’s a pretty great kisser.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Blaine asks softly.

“I was going to, but I made the mistake of going home first. Mom and dad—” She shakes her head. She doesn’t want to explain this. “It’s silly, isn’t it?” she asks. “Thinking he could actually like me back.”

“It’s not,” Blaine says, reaching forward for her hands. “It’s not silly at all.” He squeezes tightly. He could tell her about the conversation he had with Sebastian, but he doesn’t want to betray Sebastian’s trust either.

“It _feels_ silly.” She shrugs and starts playing with Blaine’s fingers so she doesn’t have to look at him. “I mean… he _ran_.”

“He’s probably just as confused as you are,” Blaine says. This isn’t betraying Sebastian’s trust, this is something he’d say no matter what he knew about June and Sebastian’s feelings. “ _More_ , probably,” he adds—June looks back up at him. “We’re talking about Sebastian, after all.”

June’s eyes narrow on his face. “Since when do you defend Sebastian?”

Blaine chuckles. He realizes all too well he’s done a complete 180 regarding Sebastian, but he’s so rarely seen this side of him. What he wouldn’t give to know him the way that June does, to see all the good in him rather than the occasional crack in his armor. He’s not saying June and Sebastian should start dating, he’s not sure that could work without one of them getting heartbroken, but he can understand that this is a very difficult time for both of them.

“We both know what it’s like to struggle with this,” Blaine says. “When I thought I might have feelings for Rachel it was very confusing. And I’d never even been with a guy. But Sebastian has.”

“It’s just as confusing for me.”

“Did you run after him?” Blaine asks. He doesn’t want to do this, he doesn’t want to make June feel bad or more confused than she already is, but she has to see this from Sebastian’s point of view as well. Somehow he gets the feeling she’s painted Sebastian as the bad guy in this, while neither of them are. But neither of them are exactly good at expressing their feelings either.

June sighs. “No,” she answers. “And I haven’t called him either.”

“Look, J, you’re my best friend and I love you, and I will tell you everything you think you need to hear,” Blaine says, not releasing her eyes. “But I think you might both just need some time to figure things out.”

June nods and drops sideways into the pillows. “You’re probably right,” she says. “I can focus on Regionals.”

Blaine follows her example, pushing their books out of the way, until they’re facing each other on the bed.

“It was a really great kiss,” June despairs.

Blaine eyes her curiously. “How good?”

June giggles. She never thought she’d be talking boys with Blaine. She’s never been more grateful to have someone like him in her life, someone who understands and knows how to read her moods and is always there for her when she needs him. He’s like the brother John never got the chance to be for her.

“On a scale of Jar Jar Binks to Han Solo?” she says, knowing Blaine will appreciate the reference. “The Millenium Falcon.”

 

#

 

“I think I’m going to throw up,” June says, squeezing Blaine’s hand so tight it must hurt.

The first contestants for Regionals have just finished their final number and are clearing the stage. Sebastian and the rest of the Warblers are getting ready backstage. She and Sebastian still haven’t interacted since he kissed her in the auditorium, and now the thought of being in the same room as him has her jumpy.

“You’re _fine_ ,” Blaine answers, but she’s starting to feel nauseous. She can’t remember ever being this nervous before a performance. “You don’t have to talk to him,” Blaine adds.

That’s true, but she still has to watch him perform and compete with him. She swallows hard, trying to force down the lump in her throat and tries to focus on her hand in Blaine’s. This competition isn’t about her and Sebastian, she tells herself, it’s about three very talented show choirs that both want a shot at a Nationals title, it’s about making a team effort to be the best. If she can focus on that until the end of the competition she should be okay.

“Ladies and gentlemen,” a voice sounds over the speakers. “From Westerville Ohio, let’s give it up for the Dalton Academy Warblers!”

Applause breaks out in the auditorium, and the Warblers come on stage. They set up in the standard pyramid formation, but only one of them steps forward. Sebastian.

“Just breathe,” June hears Blaine whisper, but all she sees is Sebastian in his Dalton blazer, standing as tall as always—when the first few chords hit she recognizes the song immediately.

_Hey, slow it down_

_Whataya want from me?_

_Yeah, I’m afraid_

_Whataya want from me?_

Sebastian doesn’t move, he just stands center stage singing his lines. For some reason, June’s eyes fill up with tears, completely overwhelmed all of a sudden. She’d taken Blaine’s advice and backed off Sebastian, given him the time and space to figure things out—Blaine was right, she’d made Sebastian into the bad guy, like somehow he was forcing all these feelings on her and he had no right to—but really she thinks she’s the one that’s been doing that from the moment they met. Has she been trying to make Sebastian into someone he isn’t?

_There might have been a time_

_When I would give myself away_

_Oh once upon a time I didn’t give a damn_

_But now, here we are, whataya want from me?_

Blaine glances at June sideways; her eyes are shining with tears—she must realize it too, he thinks, Sebastian’s singing this to her. How did it ever get to this point? June told him Sebastian had invited her to Paris because he wanted to get her away from a world that she knew would judge her if she came out—sometimes Blaine thinks Sebastian might have seen a more honest part of June. Sometimes he’s pretty sure he envies their friendship.

He wonders if June knows what she wants from Sebastian. He remembers her telling him once, right after the _I Want You Back_ Jackson-off at Dalton, that he should never sacrifice the beautiful relationship he has with Kurt for something he could never have with Sebastian. He never had any intention to, but he wonders if June still thinks the same way.

_Just don’t give up, I’m working it out_

_Please don’t give in, I won’t let you down_

_It messed me up, need a second to breathe_

_Just keep coming around_

June’s having more and more trouble breathing. Why is he singing this song to her? What does she want from him? One whole week to think about her feelings, but she doesn’t have an answer for him, she doesn’t know what she wants, because she doesn’t know what they’re doing. She doesn’t know if Sebastian’s serious or if he’s just curious. How can she know what she wants when she has no idea what Sebastian can give her? Sebastian was never an option before, not when she fell in love with him, she just figured she’d get over him like Kurt had gotten over Finn.

_Yeah, it’s plain to see that baby you’re beautiful_

_And there’s nothing wrong with you_

_It’s me, I’m a freak_

_But thanks for loving me, ‘Cause you’re doing it perfectly_

But now she guesses they really do need to talk, they have to either figure this thing out or avoid each other until going to college—anything in between would be awkward and denying themselves something they both deserve an answer to: where do they go from here? One thing’s for sure: they’ll have a hard time going back to being ‘just friends.’

Sebastian takes a few steps back while the auditorium breaks out in applause and cheering, including most of her friends—none of them actually believe the Warblers are any less deserving than they are. But June finds herself unable to join her friends—Blaine has let go of her hand and she’s clinging to her seat tightly.

The Warblers start their next number, Nick and Jeff taking the lead with Sebastian.

_You bring me right back down to the earth from the promised land_

_We’re getting close to the center of the earth with an honest plan_

June looks to her right, only Blaine and Tina between her and the aisle. She gets up without giving it another thought, she’s up out of her seat, apologizing to Blaine and Tina as she passes them. She thinks she can hear Blaine call her name but she doesn’t stop to even see if he’s following. She runs out of the auditorium as fast as she can—her heart’s racing a million miles an hour. Maybe Blaine was wrong, maybe she and Sebastian should have talked this through before the competition—she can’t go on stage like this.

“June,” someone calls out her name, and it’s followed by several pairs of footsteps. She turns around and Joe’s hand is on her shoulder, her hand back in Blaine’s while his other hand settles on her back.

“Are you okay?” Tina asks, all three of them in a circle around her, clearly all worried.

June shakes her head, unable to speak.

“She’s having a panic attack,” Tina says.

“June, you have to breathe,” Blaine says.

“I’ll go find her a paper bag to breathe into,” Joe says and disappears in search of a bag.

But June no sooner tries to breathe than she catches the eyes of two people over Tina’s shoulder, and if at all possible it knocks the wind out of her completely. “Oh my God,” she chokes out and knows she has to be hurting Blaine’s hand again. “My parents—” she breathes, feeling lightheaded.

“What?” Blaine asks, just as shocked as her.

“Honeeeeey!” her mother sings and pushes everyone out of the way to envelop her in a big hug. Has the world turned completely upside down? The only reason her parents let her join Glee club was because she promised it wouldn’t affect her grades. But they never actually cared about her performances or whether or not the New Directions won. And she didn’t mind their disinterest in this part of her life—Glee club was Blaine and Joe and Artie and everyone in her life that would accept her. She doesn’t want her parents tainting that.

“What are you guys doing here?” She hopes her voice doesn’t betray her panic. The last thing she needs is her mother’s best imitation of caring.

“We know you didn’t invite us, but after losing Yale we thought you could use the pick-me-up.” Her mother’s smiling widely, but June’s close to passing out. “Break a leg!” Her father gives her a pat on the shoulder that’s supposed to reassure her.

“June?” Blaine asks again once her parents have left for the auditorium.

June puts a hand to her mouth. “Excuse me,” she mumbles and rushes off to find a bathroom.

Blaine sighs. “This is bad.”

By the time Blaine and Tina find June in the ladies’ room she’s hanging over the sink, rinsing her mouth.

“I’ll get her something to drink,” Tina tells Blaine and she’s out the door again before he gets the chance to nod. June’s grateful Tina and Joe aren’t asking for an explanation. Maybe they think it’s just nerves.

“Of all the performances—” June says and shakes her head.

“They’re here to support you,” Blaine says. “It’s sweet.”

“I can’t deal with this right now, not with Regionals and college and Sebastian—” She means to run a hand through her hair but that would mess with her headband and she doesn’t have the time to fix up her hair again. So she just sort of gestures wildly with her arms until Blaine locks her hands in his. “He was singing to me, Blaine, and—I don’t know!” she says. “I don’t know what I want from him.”

“J,” Blaine says, part of him relieved that she actually seems to have given this some thought. But that’s not important right now—he has to calm her down so she can go perform. Which is any moment now. “June, just breathe.” He takes her face in his hands. “You don’t have to figure this out today. Or tomorrow. Or even the day after.”

June’s hands close around his wrists, but she keeps his hands firmly in place. “I don’t know how to do this.”

“Sure you do,” Blaine says, and pulls her in for a tight hug. “You do it with the rest of us. Your friends and—” _family_ , he means to say, until he remembers her reaction to her parents being here. “We’re all here for you. I’m always here for you.”

June sniffles, but she’s glad for once she hasn’t cried. “I kinda love you, Blaine Anderson.”

Blaine smiles and kisses her hair. “I love you too, Skywalker.”

 

.

 

Normally the sound of such overwhelming applause is enough to make his entire week—he knows they deserve it, the Warblers are in excellent shape this year and they’d just killed it; a Nationals trophy is this much closer within their reach. Yet there’s an uncomfortable pit in his stomach, something that had nothing to do with the competition, but had rather been his companion for the past week. It’s the reason he’d been so ruthless in the Warblers’ rehearsal schedule these past two weeks, just to keep his mind of that night in the auditorium—only he lies awake at night thinking about it, June’s lips still right there on his.

He wants to tell himself that June’s keeping her distance for his sake, to give him the proper time and space to think things through and not rush any decisions. But the more time he had to think the more he realizes that they need to talk to each other to work this thing out. Otherwise things will never be the same again. He knows it won’t be easy; June might have once had a lot of life crises right in front of him, but those days were long gone.

So the song choice for his solo didn’t take him very long; June had sung him a song to express her feelings, maybe now it was his turn. He couldn’t pick her out of the crowd at first, even though he knew roughly where the New Directions were seated. Until he saw her get up when they started their second number. Had he touched a nerve? Had his song made her realize they needed to talk? All he knows is that Blaine, Cohen-Chang and the Jesus kid followed behind her almost immediately and a few minutes later June’s parents entered the auditorium. So was June upset that they were there? Had she even listened to him?

It was a miracle, or maybe a testament to his rigorous rehearsal schedule, that he managed to perform at all while he was so preoccupied. But it’s also the reason he knows June will be fine performing as well.

“This is our year, man!” Nick throws an arm around his neck and almost tackles him to the ground in his enthusiasm, and he can’t help but grin. They’d been here before, of course, convinced that they would win, but this year he actually believed it too. They’d never been more of a team than right now. Part of him thinks he owes Blaine and June for that, but a much stronger part doesn’t want to believe they made him soft.

“New Directions has nothing on us, I just know it.”

“Nationals, here we come!” Trent shouts and all the others cheer with him.

They’re all making their way around to the front of the auditorium again to re-join the audience, when the Jesus kid comes his way. “Hey man. I need your help,” he says. “June’s having a major meltdown.”

“Why?” Sebastian asks.

“Her parents are in the crowd. She’s losing it.”

Sebastian swallows hard. So that’s why she’s upset, not because his song gave her food for thought. “What am I supposed to do about it?” he asks.

“You’re her friend.”

He’s well aware that every other Warbler is now staring at him—he doesn’t know what to do. What can he really say to June to calm her down that Blaine couldn’t say better? It’d only be awkward between them now, he’d only freak her out more. “I’m her competition,” he says, and he knows it sounds defensive but he suddenly feels like he has to save face. “And you guys better bring it.”

But his answer barely seems to register with Teen Jesus because before he knows it he takes off, muttering “Oh thank God” under his breath.

Sebastian turns around and sees him running towards June, Blaine and Cohen-Chang, the latter’s arms around June. This can’t just be about her parents, can it? Unless something happened this past week that he’s not aware of. It’s crazy how badly he wants to know.

“It’s okay if you want to check on her,” Trent says, his fellow Warblers continuing on. “She seems pretty upset.”

“She’s a big girl,” Sebastian answers, even though there’s a pathetically big part of him that wants to wrap her up in his arms and protect her from all the judgement in the world. “And she has Blaine to look after her.”

June looks his way suddenly and their eyes meet for a split second. He looks away before the moment can gain any significance. They both have a competition to focus on.

“We all know you’re friends, you know,” Trent adds as they enter the auditorium.

“I’m not really sure what we are at the moment,” he says, even though he hadn’t meant to admit it. As much as the Warblers have become his friends, he doesn’t want to show them how much he’s been struggling. A team leader isn’t meant to show weakness.

He settles down in a seat between Nick and Trent.

“And now put your hands together, ladies and gentlemen, from McKinley High, here are the New Directions!”

June walks on stage, one spotlight focused on her.

_All those days watching from the windows_

_All those years outside looking in_

“A Disney song?” someone behind him asks.

“Shh!” Trent hushes.

But all Sebastian can think is that this song’s a duet, and any moment now some guy is going to join her on that stage and sing a love song with her, and he has an eerie suspicion of who it might be. And he’s—he’s _jealous_. He’s never been jealous in his entire life, let alone of a guy who’s just going to sing a song with—he swallows hard—a girl he likes.

_Standing here, it’s all so clear_

_I’m where I want to be_

“Dude, we’ve got this,” Thad whispers to him and squeezes his shoulder from a seat behind him.

“Yeah,” he breathes, but can’t find his voice again.

“Are you okay?” Nick asks.

Sebastian clears his throat. “I’m fine,” he lies, and straightens his shoulders.

He’s so focused on the number being performed that he doesn’t even notice Nick and Thad fist bumping each other. He listens to every word being sung, every movement June makes, which so far has only consisted of a few steps to the center of the stage. There’s no trace of her previous anxiety.

_All at once everything looks different_

_Now that I see you_

Just as he’d expected a second spot appears on stage, shining down on Teen Jesus. _Joe_.

_All those days chasing down a daydream_

_All those years living in a blur_

He’s never heard Joe’s voice unaccompanied by other voices before and he’s a stronger vocalist than Sebastian gave him credit for. He can see why Schuester put them together; they complement each other. June and Joe move closer together on the stage, the two spotlights melting together into one, some of the New Directions girls joining them in the shadow for background vocals.

_And at last I see the light_

_And it’s like the sky is new_

June and Joe lock hands. He huffs; they even have chemistry, he catches himself thinking, only he doesn’t want to think about that at all. Blaine had told him June liked Joe—is this his fault? Did his crass actions in the auditorium really push her away? Did it push her into someone else’s arms? Is June that kind of girl?

_All at once, everything is different_

_Now that I see you_

Applause breaks out throughout the auditorium; the Warblers clap to be polite, but they’re all murmuring and laughing, thinking the victory is theirs. He knows they deserve to win, but he’s seen the New Directions perform enough times to know this is only the beginning—they might be in for a surprise.

“Sebastian, come on.” Jeff leans over his shoulder from the next row. “Why aren’t you cheering? We deserve this!”

“Don’t get cocky, boys,” he says, watching the Troubletones fill up the stage and starting their number. “Don’t forget they’re National champions. There’s a reason for that.”

_You made me insecure, told me I wasn’t good enough_

_But who are you to judge, when you’re a diamond in the rough_

“See?” he says and smiles in spite of himself. It wouldn’t be fun to win easily. He can tell they’ve put more effort into their choreography—this could get interesting. He thinks the ditzy blonde must have choreographed this; she’s always been their best dancer, but they’ve really stepped it up a notch—they look like a team this time, completely in sync and utterly enjoying what they’re doing.

The song comes to an end, and the audience is cheering again, Blaine and the rest of the guys join their team on stage, setting up in four groups of four, June’s in the center, Blaine’s slightly back to the left, the kid in the wheelchair’s the same to the right and Cohen-Chang’s hidden behind June’s for now.

When the song starts he hears his fellow Warblers take a deep breath along with him. He knows it immediately. This is June’s song.

It’s going to be a very tight competition.

 

.

 

June’s holding one of Blaine’s hands and one of Tina’s as one of the judges approaches the microphone on stage with the results. Everyone currently on the stage is buzzing with nerves and excitement, but all June can really think about is that Sebastian’s right there, halfway across the stage, and she can’t bring herself to look at him.

“In third place,” she announces and opens the envelope in her hands. “The Unitards!”

The Unitards break out in cheers and actual summersaults while they collect their trophy.

“And now, the moment you’ve all been waiting for,” the announcer says, her voice echoing through a near silent-again auditorium. “The 2013 Regional Champions…”

Somewhere backstage drums start rolling.

Blaine and Tina are the ones squeezing June’s hands now.

“The Dalton Academy Warblers!”

June sees Mr Schue hang his head, but he regains his composure within seconds—she guesses he doesn’t want them to think he’s disappointed.

The Warblers are practically dancing around the stage, but Sebastian’s his composed self in the center of them, accepting their trophy like a true leader would. Mr Schue walks over to Sebastian and shakes his hand, while the rest of the New Directions stands around June, heads held high but quietly dejected. Maybe most of them knew they wouldn’t be able to keep up their winning streak.

June looks at Sebastian and catches his eyes in the crowd. She smiles softly, because she’s happy for him. Sebastian smiles back solemnly, but he’s forced in a group hug with his fellow Warblers.

Blaine looks at her. “Ice cream and _Teen Wolf_ at my place?” he asks.

June chuckles and nods. “I’ll go tell my parents I’m crashing at Tina’s,” she says. “They won’t ask a thing.”

“Blaine!” a voice sounds from behind them. Blaine and June both turn towards the voice, seeing Nick make his way over to them.

“You guys were really great,” Nick says. “It could’ve gone either way.”

“Are you kidding?” Blaine says and smiles. “You guys were on fire. You totally deserve this,” he says, and he’s not even being polite. The New Directions gave it their all just as much as the Warblers did and whatever part of him that will always _be_ a Warbler wants Nick to know there’s no hard feelings between any of them.

“We should get together for some coffee sometime,” Nick says. “You know, for old time’s sake.”

“Sure.” Blaine beams, and feels the disappointment of defeat flow right out of him. “I’d like that.”

 

#

 

An hour later, after talking to her parents and convincing them that all the Glee girls were having a slumber party to lick their wounds, Blaine and June settle down on his bed in their PJs with a tub of Ben & Jerry’s. Blaine’s computer is already set up at the end of his bed, but for now there’s just some music playing in the background.

“So you’re into guys now too?” Blaine asks, talking around the frosty bite of Chunky Monkey in his mouth. “It’s not just Sebastian.”

“I’ve pretty much settled on the bisexual thing,” June answers, facing Blaine on the bed.

“Have there been other—” Blaine starts, but when June looks at him bemusedly he swallows the rest of the sentence. He’d considered ‘the bisexual thing’ once, but he’s not sure if he’s allowed to talk about it like this; he doesn’t want to insult anyone.

June takes another scoop of ice cream. “Your brother actually,” she teases, knowing it’ll definitely coax a reaction from Blaine. “He made me feel all tingly.”

“Eww!” Blaine shakes his head. “J, no.”

“But he’s so dreamy, Blaine,” —June rolls onto her stomach— “like a Disney prince, I just want to lick—”

“No, no, no, no, no!” Blaine almost shouts, sits up on the bed and puts his fingers in his ears. “Lalala, I can’t hear you!”

June’s laughter makes the entire bed shake.

Blaine looks back at her, removing his fingers from his ears. “So you’re not really in love with me, are you?” he teases back. Two can play that game. “Because I’ve been telling everyone we’re gay/best friend, but—”

June chuckles. “Blaine Anderson, you are a gorgeous male specimen, but no,” she says. “This isn’t weird. I don’t see you that way.” No, like she told Kurt a long time ago, when she first saw Blaine it was like she turned eight years old again and she was looking at another sixteen-year old version of her brother. Blaine’s like a brother to her—and that’s deep enough.

“Then why Sebastian?” Blaine lies back down, arm supporting his head. “Is it because he’s intrinsically angsty?”

“And your angst comes with bowties?” June asks, putting off answering the question just a little longer.

“ _Which are cool_ ,” Blaine’s voice deepens.

June scoops another spoonful of ice cream, thinking through the answer to Blaine’s initial question. “I think—” She takes a deep breath, mirroring Blaine’s position on the bed. “I think it’s because he let me peek inside. He showed me how to be brave. And he showed me a way out.”

“Paris,” Blaine realizes.

“Paris,” June echoes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> References:
> 
> o1. Jar Jar Binks: a character in the new Star Wars trilogy that’s not very liked in fandom  
> o2. Han Solo: a character in the original Star Wars trilogy played by Harrison Ford  
> o3. Millenium Falcon: Han Solo’s spaceship and his one true love  
> o4. Sebastian’s solo: Adam Lambert; Whataya Want From Me  
> o5. Warblers group number: Take That; Love Love  
> o6. June and Joe’s duet: Tangled OST; I See The Light  
> o7. Troubletones songs: Selena Gomez; Who Says  
> o8. June's song: Katy Perry; Part Of Me


	17. Do We Pretend

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sebastian decides he really needs to talk to June and reaches out to her, until a sisterly crisis forces them together.

He’s supposed to be studying for his History final along with his fellow students, the common room a low buzz of voices, but all he can really think about is June and Joe on that stage, hands locked together, and that by now all too familiar pit of jealousy. He’s not proud of it, he’s always prided himself in a sort of quiet detachment from people, even the people he cared about. He’s also too aware that June doesn’t owe him any loyalty, that she couldn’t possibly have expected him to reciprocate her feelings.

But here they are in this crazy mess of things and he _does_ have feelings for her. Maybe his jealousy was warranted a little. June kissed him back after all, it had to mean something.

He’s so lost in thought – and decidedly not focusing on the American Revolution – that he jumps about three feet high when a hand lands on his shoulder.

“Jeesh, Sebastian,” Trent says. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay,” he blurts out, trying to regain his composure. “I uhm—my mind was elsewhere.”

“Evidently,” Trent states.

Sebastian’s always thought of Trent as the stereotypical prep boy—he always uses big words he actually knows the meaning of, his manners straight from a manual, and his appearance was always impeccable. Not that Sebastian ever looked worse for wear or didn’t have any manners, but he’s seen enough schools to be able to look underneath the surface. Trent, however, he’s the real deal.

“Mind if I join you?”

“Please,” Sebastian says, and gestures to the empty chair at his table.

He tries to focus on his books and his notes again, but who’s he really kidding? There’s only one thing on his mind.

“So we were right,” Trent says suddenly, shaking him from his thoughts and it makes him realize that instead of grabbing his books, Trent’s been staring at him the whole time. Sebastian frowns. “Sebastian Drill Sergeant wasn’t just about Regionals.”

Sebastian chuckles. “I’m sorry about that.”

“Don’t be,” Trent says. “We didn’t say anything because we really wanted a Regionals win and we knew you’d be the man to get us there.”

The Warblers had thrown a pretty big party after winning Regionals and plenty of them had thanked him for being so hard on them during rehearsals, but they’d never praised him like this. But had they all noticed his rigorous rehearsal routine was really just a way to keep his mind off other things?

“We?” he asks, ignoring the compliment because he also prides himself in no longer flaunting his leadership skills. He’s learned the hard way it was much easier to earn the Warblers’ respect without involving them in any of his schemes. It attested to their integrity that they gave him a chance to redeem himself rather than kick him out.

“It’s very clear to all us Warblers that there’s something on your mind,” Trent answers, his tone almost caring. “The others think it’s Blaine. I think it’s June.”

Sebastian feels his heart jump in his chest. “June?” he asks. Had he given his fellow Warblers any indication there was something going on between him and June?

“I know you invited her to Europe,” Trent says.

Sebastian thinks he must have heard that through his parents; he hasn’t told anyone.

“And I’ve seen you guys at the Lima Bean.”

Sebastian averts his eyes, but smiles to himself. He knows he’s flirtatious with June, but really, he flirts with pretty much everyone he’s attracted to or gives him lip—it’s curious how June now falls in both categories.

“I don’t need to know what’s going on between the two of you,” Trent says. “But I do believe you need to talk.” He gathers his things—so that’s what this conversation was really about, Sebastian thinks, his fellow Warblers are worried about him. “And like it or not, most girls still really appreciate good old-fashioned chivalry.”

Trent gets up and heads for the exit.

“Trent,” Sebastian calls out after him. Trent turns at the sound of his name. “Thanks,” Sebastian says. Trent smiles and salutes him.

He’s right, Sebastian thinks, he should make the first move, because he made the first move in the auditorium too. He takes out his phone and types June a message.

 

#

 

Text from Sebastian: _We need to talk. The park?_

June stares down at the text message until Brett’s voice shakes her from thoughts.

“I can’t believe we lost to those song boys!” he says, then reconsiders what he just said and looks at Blaine. “No offense,” he adds.

Blaine grimaces but keeps silent. Somewhere deep down he’s decided that the Warblers deserved this win—at least this year there weren’t any of Sebastian’s antics keeping them from reaching their full potential.

“They were pretty good,” Tina says.

Mr Schue puts his hands in his sides. “We can’t win them all guys.”

“Can’t win them all, Mr Schue?” Artie reacts in shock. “We’re back where we started four years ago.”

“That’s not true,” Mr Schue says. “You guys, we went to Nationals two times, we won last year!” he exclaims and walks over to the trophy cabinet. “You earned each and every one of these trophies. You killed it at Regionals.”

“Doesn’t make losing any less sucky,” Vanessa adds.

Mr Schue shakes his head and walks back to the center of the room. “We can’t waste our energy thinking about the what ifs,” he says. “We still got the school musical to focus on.”

“Finally!” Sam says. “I feel like we’ve been working on it all year.”

Sugar chuckles. “That’s because we have.”

Artie wheels himself next to Mr Schue. “Dress rehearsal’s in three hours,” he says. “Treats at the Lima Bean after.”

Everyone turns their head to look at June. “Yeah, okay, it was my idea.” She shrugs, then smiles. “But I’m buying?”

“Alright.” Mr Schue nods. “See you guys at five.”

Mr Schue grabs his things and leaves the room, the Glee clubbers pouring out the classroom moments later.

“You’re going to Breadstix?” Blaine asks, pulling his bag over his shoulder as he follows June down the hallway.

June nods. “Who knew that organizing a birthday party would be so much work?”

Earlier this week June had come to the conclusion that she’d never thrown a party in her entire life. She was practical about this; once she went off to college she might not see any of her friends again, even though she knows Blaine and her will never lose contact even if they lived on different continents.

With any luck (and a lot of hope) she would get her acceptance letter from at least one school this week and she could start planning other things. She’d come out to her parents, and move away to live on her own, or a dorm room for a few years. She’d start a new life somewhere else, make new friends, be unafraid. All Blaine and her had been doing since losing Regionals was dream about a bright pink future for the both of them.

But with her eighteenth birthday coming up soon she didn’t want to miss the opportunity to end high school with a bang. Sugar was helping her plan the whole thing, and after some convincing her parents had agreed to finance the whole thing. After all, she’d only turn eighteen once.

“I could help,” Blaine says, but only to let June know she can always ask him for help. He’s got other plans today, but what kind of best friend would he be if he didn’t at least offer his services?

“You could, but I won’t let you,” June answers, opening her locker. “ _You_ have a date with Mr Hummel to get to.”

Blaine smiles; he really can’t help it. He never thought his feelings for Kurt would stay as strong—he thought that the absence of Kurt would tear him apart, that it would break his heart, that eventually one of them would say this long-distance relationship was just too hard, but he now knows neither of them has even considered it. They knew it wouldn’t be forever, their separation had a deadline from the start—maybe that’s why they managed it so well. Rachel had been Kurt’s support and June had been his, and between their amazing friends and their love for each other, what couldn’t they do? They’ve had their rough patches this past year, but the past few weeks have been filled with excitement over New York and living together.

Kurt’s the love of his life. He doesn’t think that’ll ever change.

No matter what his letter from NYADA says, he’d gotten his acceptance letter from Columbia, so New York was a done deal. He hasn’t told June yet though, her own expectations are set too high for him to discourage her with an acceptance letter of his own—he knows for a fact she’ll get in too, but he wants to celebrate together.

“It’s okay, Obi-Wan,” June’s voice brings him back to reality. “I wouldn’t dare come between you and your Skype sessions.” She closes her locker and they cross the hallway to Blaine’s locker. “What exactly is it you guys do when you—?”

Blaine chuckles. “So nosey. Our relationship is more than just physical, you know.”

“And you know I’m only teasing.” June smiles, but when she feels her phone vibrate in her pocket her smile falters. She takes out her phone and reads the message.

Text from Sebastian: _Come on, Wilder! At least I had the decency to congratulate you when you won Sectionals._

“Is that Sebastian?” Blaine asks, and June fails to disguise the guilt in her eyes right away. “Why are you avoiding him?”

June shrugs, averting her eyes. “I have my reasons,” she says, only her reasons are stupid and childish.

Blaine’s eyes narrow on her face. “Reasons you can’t talk to me about because—”

“Because you’d probably talk me into the one thing I want to avoid?”

Blaine looks at her intently—he can’t believe she’s still postponing this. “You really need to talk to him.”

“And tell him what?” June asks. “That I want a relationship?” Thing is she still hasn’t figured out what she wants from Sebastian—mainly because she doesn’t know what he could give her. She’s only ever been in one relationship, how can anyone expect her to know what she wants?

“What if he tells me it was all a mistake?” she asks.

Blaine takes a few moments to contemplate his answer—he’s not sure he wants to be the one to break this to her, but he’s in the best position to. Right now it seems he’s the only one she _is_ talking to. “Then you’ll know. And you’ll be able to move on,” he says. “But I think you’re afraid he’ll say it wasn’t a mistake at all.”

June’s eyes shoot up, but she doesn’t say anything. Deep down she knows he has a point.

“I know that it’s scary,” Blaine says—pouring your heart out to anyone is scary. “But if you don’t do this now you might both regret it for the rest of your lives.”

June smiles. “I’m never going to get used to you defending him.”

“Hey, I’m on your side. All the way,” Blaine says. “But you like Sebastian. So I’m willing to make an effort.”

June takes a deep breath; she knows talking to Sebastian is inevitable, she just never thought it would become something to be scared of. She really needs to get over herself—he’s even texted her himself now, it has to mean he’s willing to sit down and talk about this seriously.

“Or, you know,” Blaine adds. “If you want to live your life in regret, you could block his number.”

June recognizes the line immediately as one she once spoke to Blaine. “Oh, ha. ha,” she deadpans and bumps shoulders with him. “You’re _so_ funny.”

 

#

 

There’s school children screaming everywhere; he’s leaning back against his car, waiting for Belle to come through the school gates. He stares down at his phone: still no text from June. How long does she think she can keep this up? How long is she going to keep avoiding him? Was he wrong to think June had feelings for him too? Was it Joe all this time, or did he just lose his one shot at something with her? What does he _want_?

“Bastian!” his sister’s high-pitched voice cuts right through his train of thought. “Why isn’t mommy picking me up?” she asks.

“Because she and dad are going out tonight and she’s getting her hair done,” Sebastian answers.

Belle’s mouth drops open. “But she promised she’d take me to the mall!” she screams.

Sebastian shrugs. “I guess she forgot.”

“But I was going to buy a birthday present for June!” Belle shouts, immediately attracting attention from parents and teachers. “Her birthday’s next week! I want to get her something, Bastian!”

“You can go another day,” Sebastian says. He doesn’t really have an excuse not to take Belle to the mall himself, in fact, it might even get his mind off June and her lack of texting him back. But he’s not sure he can handle Belle’s unchecked enthusiasm right now.

“No, I want to go today!” Belle stomps her foot, and it’s only then that he sees there are tears streaming down her face. “I don’t want her to hate me too!”

Something clenches hard in his chest when he realizes she’s talking about June—he goes to his knees in front of Belle. “What do you mean?” he asks. But Belle’s hands are covering up her face and she’s crying. “Belle,” he adds, carefully prying her hands off her face. “What do you mean?”

“June doesn’t come over anymore.” Belle sobs and pouts. “And we never have drinks with her anymore.” Her tiny hands come to rest on his shoulders. “She’s my friend, Bastian, I don’t want her to leave.”

Sometimes he forgets it’s his sister that had once created the opportunity for him to get to know June better, the same day he’d asked her to come to Paris—their moments spent together in Europe often revolved around Belle too. And now they’ve been neglecting his little sister because somehow their problems had gotten too big.

Sebastian takes a deep breath and sighs. “I’m going to regret this,” he mutters to himself, but he finds a tissue in his blazer and wipes his sister’s tears. “Get in, squirt,” he says. “I’ll take you to the mall.”

Belle sniffles. “Promise?” she asks.

“Cross my heart,” Sebastian says and draws an imaginary X over her chest.

Belle giggles. “ _Your_ heart, Bastian!” she squeals, her tears gone now, and spreads out her hand over his chest instead.

Sebastian smiles in spite of himself—sometimes he has to admit that his sister’s pep is a welcome distraction from his troubles.

An hour later he finds himself tracing after his sister at Build-A-Bear, because after five other stores she’d finally decided to get June a stuffed animal. She’d pointed out several other items he could buy for June, but Sebastian isn’t too sure June would accept any presents from him. He knows she’s planning a party at Breadstix—Sugar hadn’t been able to resist tweeting about it—but clearly he hadn’t been invited.

If he were to get her a present, he already knows what it would be.

But Belle talking about June gives him an idea—he takes out his phone. Maybe he can’t convince her to talk to him without actually showing up at her doorstep, but the mention of Belle should get a reaction out of her.

Text to June: _Belle really misses you, you know. She’s picking out your birthday present right now._

“Bastian, I can’t reach!” Belle squeals, and he turns around to see her jumping up and down to reach a higher shelf, making several bear models tumble to the floor. He puts his phone down on a counter absentmindedly and crosses the aisle to help her out.

Text from June: _Low blow, Smythe, using your sister like that? She’s invited to the party, if it so pleases you._

He puts the bears back on the shelves where he thinks they belong and grabs the model Belle had been pointing towards a few moments earlier. “Here you—” He turns around, only to see that his phone is gone, and there’s a big blur of brown curls running for the exit.

“Belle!” he shouts and breaks out in a sprint. It only takes him a handful of strides to reach the exit, only he’s still holding the model bear and the security alarms start blearing as soon as he steps through the gate.

Someone grabs him by the arm. “Sir, you’ll have to pay for that,” a security guard informs him.

“What?” Sebastian looks at the impressively built guard, back to where he sees Belle weaving through the crowd, running as fast as her short legs will allow. “No, my sister, she ran off, and—Here,” he says and pushes the bear into the guard’s arms, breaks free from the guard’s hold and takes off after his sister.

“Belle!” he shouts, but quickly realizes he’s lost sight of her completely. He circles around the entire floor, calling his sister’s name and asking complete strangers if they saw a little girl running around by herself, but everyone he asks just shakes their head.

His heart’s hammering hard in his chest, especially after finding a payphone and dialing his own phone number—Belle doesn’t answer. What if she lost his phone? He has no way of reaching her. He grabs for his head, fingers twisting in his hair. “Oh shit,” he mutters to himself.

 

#

 

“Tina, no!” Artie calls out from his vantage point in the auditorium. “You come in _after_ Vanessa and Rory.”

They’re practicing the _Tango Maureen_ sequence—Brett and June are in the front seats of the auditorium, waiting to rehearse their own parts. They’ve been at this for a few hours, and while they’ve got most scenes down, Artie was adamant to run through the entire musical tonight.

June’s phone vibrates in her pocket: _Incoming call – caller unknown_. She frowns, but takes the call, since Artie and Mr Schue suddenly seem involved in a heavy discussion about who comes in where. “Hello?” she says.

“J, thank God,” Sebastian’s voice sounds over the speaker. “I’ve lost Belle in the mall.”

June’s heart skips a beat. “What do you mean you lost her?!” she shouts into her phone, making everyone on the stage and in the auditorium jump. She doesn’t care that she’s interrupting their rehearsal.

“One second she was there, and she just ran off,” Sebastian’s voice sounds raw and panicked and she’s almost say he’d been crying. “You know what she’s like, J, she just—” His voice sounds from further away now, as if he’s no longer holding the phone right. “Oh God, I can’t breathe—” Sebastian chokes out.

“Go to security and have them call her name,” June says. “I’ll be right there.”

Mr Schue comes down to the front row—by now everyone can probably see she’s having a mild panic attack. “What’s going on?” he asks.

“Sebastian lost his sister in the mall,” June explains, and is already grabbing her things together. “I have to go help him.”

“Now?” Brett asks.

June whirls around and looks at him. “Yes, now,” she answers, her tone too offensive but she’s freaking out and she can’t understand why anyone would be reluctant to let her go. “She’s six years old! She knows not to go with strangers, but you never know. I have to get over there.”

“We’ll all go,” Mr Schue says.

“Say what now?” Artie asks.

Mr Schue turns around, but addresses everyone. “She’s just a little girl, Artie,” he says. “We’re all going.”

“I’ll text you all a picture,” June says, only partially calming down when she sees all her friends rushing to get their stuff together and join her to the mall.

Tina insists vehemently that June doesn’t drive herself, and after hearing arguments from Blaine and Joe too June joins them in Tina’s car.

“Don’t worry, J,” Blaine says, sitting on the backseat behind her. “We’ll find her.”

“You really think she’d follow a stranger?” Joe asks.

June shakes her head and releases a shaky breath. “I’ve learned that when it comes to Belle Smythe you can expect anything,” she answers. “She can be a little—”

“ADD,” Blaine fills in.

Joe chuckles. “You ever wonder if Sebastian was like that?” he asks—June suspects he asks to lighten the mood.

“According to his father he was,” June answers.

“Exactly how well do you know the Smythes?” Tina asks, keeping her eyes focused on the road.

June shrugs; she thinks it’s nice that her friends are trying to distract her and calm her down, something they’ve been forced to do too often already, but her anxiety isn’t subsiding—if anything she’s getting more scared the longer it’s taking to get to the mall. “It’s easier to get to know people when you’re on vacation with them,” June answers nonetheless, trying to keep her voice steady. “Sebastian doesn’t actually know I pried for that information though.”

“I think we might’ve misjudged him,” Tina says.

June looks at her sideways and feels a smile pull at the corners of her mouth—this isn’t something Tina’s just saying, this is something she actually believes. No one’s initial assessment of Sebastian was wrong, of course, he’d done some things that were considered unethical inside and outside of the show choir world, but June likes to think that was all in the past now. It’s nice to hear Tina feels the same way.

They arrive at the mall twenty minutes later and June heads for the entrance without waiting for any of the others. She looks for Sebastian in the main hall, and quickly spots him pacing back and forth—he looks a mess; she thinks he’s been running his hands through his hair and his tie hangs unknotted around his neck, a few buttons on his shirt loosened.

“Sebastian!” she calls out and runs over—there’s not a thought in her mind reminding her that this is supposed to be awkward, that they haven’t talked since he kissed her, that they _should_ talk about what happened—all that matters now is Belle. “Did you find her?” June asks once she’s reached him.

“Not yet.” He shakes his head and runs a hand through his hair again. “I had them call her name, but she didn’t—She has my phone but she’s not picking up.” Sebastian looks at her—she’s never seen him this freaked before. She’s never seen him freaked out _at all_.

Something catches his eye behind her. “What are they doing here?” he asks.

June turns around and sees the entire Glee club make their way towards them. “We’re all here to help,” Mr Schue says. “We’ll work in pairs, all a different floor.”

Sebastian swallows hard. “Thank you.”

“We’ll find her,” June says and subconsciously grabs Sebastian’s arm by the wrist.

“You two should stay here in case she shows up,” Mr Schue says, but when he looks at June she can tell she’s really staying here with Sebastian to keep him calm. June has to agree, she’s never seen Sebastian this panicked before—if she wasn’t looking at it right now she never would’ve believed he had a panic mode to begin with.

Mr Schue turns and starts pairing everyone up, using the map at the entrance to send them to designated parts of the mall.

“What did you text me back?” Sebastian asks. June frowns up at him. “I think she read it, and I wasn’t—I wasn’t looking.” He doesn’t wait for June to answer his question. “She freaked out earlier. She was worried you didn’t want to be her friend anymore.”

He doesn’t mean to accuse her—if anything June’s distance was his fault, or because of something between them that they needed to fix but had nothing to do with Belle. He just never thought Belle would take it so bad.

“I didn’t mean to avoid her,” June answers. Her heart breaks thinking if that little girl being sad because of something she did. “I’ve just been so busy, and—” She looks up at Sebastian, and he’s already staring down at her—she lets go of his arm.

Things just got awkward. They could talk now, they could talk about everything their kiss had stood in the way of, about everything they want or don’t want from each other. This could be the moment of the truth.

But June’s phone starts vibrating in her pocket again—she takes it out immediately in the hopes that it’s one of her friends with good news.

_Incoming call – Sebastian._

June frowns. “It’s you,” she says and looks up at Sebastian.

“It’s Belle,” he says.

June answers the call, putting on her speakerphone. “June?” Belle’s voice sounds small over the phone—Sebastian has to huddle closer to hear, but they both release a sigh of relief. 

“Belle, sweetie, where are you?” June asks.

Sebastian thinks it’s best if he remains quiet for now, he doesn’t want to run the risk of Belle hearing him and disconnecting the call.

“Why are you angry at Bastian, June?” Belle asks. “Was he mean to you?”

June shakes her head to fight back tears. “No, honey,” she says. “He wasn’t mean and I’m not angry. We’re just—”

June looks up at him and Sebastian sees his own guilt reflected in her eyes. It’s not just his fault, it’s _their_ fault Belle feels neglected and abandoned. They’ve been so focused on their own feelings and their own problems that they stopped noticing the one person that’s really ever brought them together. And now she’s done that again, they’re here because of Belle.

“We were being silly over silly things and we shouldn’t have been,” June continues. “And even if he was mean, I’ll never stop being your friend, princess. We’ll be friends forever.”

There’s a short silence over the line. “Promise?” comes Belle’s tentative question.

“I promise, honey, I promise with all my heart,” June says, tears threatening to escape her eyes. “Now can you please tell us where you are?”

Belle has no sooner spoken the words ‘Disney store’ than Sebastian takes off for the escalator leading to the first floor. “Belle, stay right where you are, okay?” June says, and follows behind Sebastian quickly, struggling to catch up with him.

“Belle!” Sebastian shouts as soon as he enters the store, but he still gets no response. “Where _is_ she?”

June halts next to him and looks around the store—there’s children and parents everywhere, but there’s no sign of Belle. She looks up at Sebastian—he looks as if he’s about to explode. “Sebastian.” He looks at her, only slightly calming down when he feels her hand on his arm again. “You have to calm down. This was my fault. Get angry at me.”

“I’m not—” Sebastian takes a deep breath. June’s right, he thinks, there’s a part of him that wants to yell at his sister the moment she comes in sight, give her a long speech about running off on her own at her age, but that won’t do anyone any good. He sighs. “I’m not angry.”

“June?” Belle’s voice sounds from deeper inside the store—it takes both June and Sebastian a few moments to see her through the crowd. “June!” Belle squeals and comes running. June goes to her knees and catches Belle in her arms.

Thank God, June thinks, thank God she’s okay. She moves back and takes Belle’s face in her hands. “Princess, look at me, you can never do that again, you hear me?” she says. “No matter how angry or upset you are with someone, you _don’t_ run away.”

There’s a lesson in that for her as well, June realizes, and maybe even for Sebastian—why did they even do this? What good has come from avoiding each other? They’re both just as confused and maybe even scared, and all they need to figure things out is talk to each other. But that’s always easier said than done.

“But I was here the whole time,” Belle says. “And I didn’t talk to any strangers.”

Sebastian goes to his knees next to June. “You scared me to death,” he says, trying to keep the anger from his voice.

“I’m sorry, Bastian,” Belle says, lets go of June and thrusts herself at Sebastian, throwing her arms around his neck, almost making Sebastian lose his balance.

Sebastian looks at June over his sister’s shoulder; the tears in her eyes have gone, but the concern is still so evident all over her face that it almost chokes him up. Whatever happens after this, he’ll talk to her, he’ll tell her what he’s feeling or what he’s confused about. He’s done running.

Text to New Directions: _Found her_.

By the time they head for the escalator to join everyone downstairs, Belle insists on being carried down by June because she’s too tired. It’s almost nine and Belle should really get to bed, a fact that becomes abundantly clear when Belle’s head drops to June’s shoulder and she seemingly falls asleep right there.

“I owe you guys big-time,” Sebastian tells Mr Schue.

“Yeah, you do,” Artie says, but doesn’t so much as acknowledge Sebastian’s presence.

Sebastian looks at everyone. “Thank you,” he says, and he’s never felt it more sincerely.

“You need a ride?” Tina asks June, Joe and Blaine waiting to be driven back as well.

Sebastian opens his arms for Belle; they don’t need to talk now—if he has to he’ll corner her at school tomorrow to sit her down.

“Sure, I—” June starts, but when she tries to pass Belle to Sebastian, Belle’s arms tighten around her neck. She chuckles. “I think I should help see this little rugrat to bed.”

“I’m not a rugrat,” Belle mutters against June’s neck.

“Alright.” Blaine chuckles. “See you tomorrow,” he says. He points at her, then at Sebastian, but doesn’t release her eyes. June rolls her eyes.

“What was that?” Sebastian asks, watching Blaine follow behind Tina and Joe.

“My best friend being obnoxiously right about something,” she answers.

 

#

 

“You go to sleep now, baby girl,” June says, and brushes Belle’s hair back behind her ear. It’d taken them a whole hour, but June and Sebastian finally managed to get Belle quiet and ready for bed, all three of them exhausted after all the excitement today.

Belle puts her thumb in her mouth, but June pulls it back out.

“Are you in _lesbians_ with my brother?” Belle blurts out.

June hears Sebastian’s low chuckle from the doorway.

“I uhm—” June’s at a complete loss for words; this doesn’t happen to her very often. “Ask me again tomorrow,” she answers instead, but mouths ‘what the hell’ at Sebastian over her shoulder. “Sweet dreams, princess,” she adds, and turns off the lamp on the bedside table.

She closes the door behind her carefully, and follows Sebastian downstairs.

“It’s from Scott Pilgrim—”

“I know,” she interrupts. Now that they’re actually alone she feels awkward again, even though she knows they need to talk.

Sebastian shrugs, remaining off-topic. “I thought it would be easier to let her believe that’s what it meant than having to explain.”

“And I’m sure Diana’s reaction has nothing to do with it.” June laughs and she hears Sebastian laughing as well—it’s not awkward, they’re still so painfully comfortable around each other it’s insane. Things _should_ be uncomfortable because they crossed that line, only maybe now they finally have proof it was always more than just friendship between them. But doesn’t that also mean it’s been doomed from the start? They both thought they were gay when they met.

“I should probably get going,” June says, cutting through the silence, and means to head for the door when suddenly Sebastian grabs her by the arm.

“June—” he says. He doesn’t call her June very often.

“We don’t have to talk about it,” she blurts out, even though every fibre in her body’s screaming _yes, we really should!_ Today’s been one crazy rollercoaster ride, forcing them back together so unexpectedly. But Belle has this way of creeping up on them.

“Yes, we do,” Sebastian says. “June, I’m gay.” He doesn’t believe in boxing people in, or categorizing everyone, but he likes his certainties, he likes clearly defined things like one night stands because they have their rules—use of condoms at all times, no begging for seconds, sometimes there aren’t even any names involved. This, this is sloppy, feelings are sloppy because they can _change_ —but here he is with these feelings clenching painfully inside of him and he’d do anything to fix that. Including giving into them. There’s a first time for everything, after all.

June casts down her eyes and takes a step back. “So am I.”

“Don’t do that.”

“Isn’t this what we do?” she asks. They don’t _do_ feelings, June thinks, every time she showed her feelings to him they were met with mockery, and she could handle that because it didn’t matter before, they weren’t _these_ feelings that she has for him now and she knew what to expect from Sebastian. That kiss messed everything up.

“I kissed you,” Sebastian says. It’s like he drops a bomb, the sound of it reverberating between the two of them, kicking up dust that they’d allowed to settle these past two weeks. “And it wasn’t a heat of the moment thing. I came there to tell you—”

“Sebastian, please,” June says. Blaine was right, she’s more afraid of Sebastian admitting to having real feelings than to have him reject her.

“No,” Sebastian says and takes that one step closer to her again. “I know you understand what I’m going through. How did you—” –he swallows hard– “How did you know?”

June’s eyes go wide in shock. What is he asking her? When she knew she was in love with him? That’s easy. _How_ she knew? How to even begin to describe that.

“Paris,” she answers, dropping a bomb of her own—they both know what night she’s talking about, that night in the cab curled up close together after an amazing eye-opening night. June shakes her head. “I was confused long before that. And I’ve had time to—”

She’s had time to settle on this _whole bisexual thing_ , but she’s sure that’s not what Sebastian’s feeling. He’s always been so sure of himself and his sexuality, he’s more experienced than she is and he’s been at this longer. For her it’s only ever been Sarah and him.

She takes a deep breath. “I decided it’s okay,” she says. “People don’t fall in love with a gender. They fall in love with other people.”

“I don’t know what I’m feeling.”

“I can’t—” _help you with that_ , she means to say, except she does, she wants to help him through this, help him figure this out, but she’s afraid it’ll only make him realize what he feels for her is temporary. And that’ll only get her heart broken.

He hesitates because he doesn’t want to hurt her—after everything, after realizing they really are friends and finding a balance in that friendship he’d already messed it up by kissing her the first time. But doesn’t he owe it to himself to figure out these feelings? Shouldn’t he try to figure out if what he feels for her is really love or just something that’ll eventually fade away?

He buckles—he has to know.

“Screw this,” he says, and closes the distance between them, one hand on her cheek and the other at her waistline but just like that one time outside the bar her hands are on his chest, and this time he doesn’t get anywhere near her lips.

“Don’t—” she begs the same. “Please, don’t,” but while she says it her fingers curl around the lapels of his jacket, their foreheads touching and he can hear her breathing deepen.

She wants to, she wants him so bad, but she doesn’t want that to be the only thing about them. She doesn’t want something that’s purely physical, she realizes, she wants something more like Kurt and Blaine have. And she’s not sure Sebastian will ever be able to give her more.

“June—” he whispers, but not to beg her instead; he doesn’t want to make her do anything she doesn’t want to do—he’s already forced himself on her once, and he guesses he didn’t really give her a choice the second time either. Now he wants _her_ to, even though she already kissed him back last time. He needs to know he’s not the only one feeling this.

His entire body feels like a live wire, while hers trembles against him all tension and nerves. He feels her breath against his skin; her hands draw higher around his neck, long fingers tangling in his hair, she draws up on her toes and then her lips are on his again. It sends shivers up his spine, a heat below the belt settling hard against hers when she draws herself even closer. His arms twine around her waist while hers tighten around his shoulders.

He’s never felt this with a girl before, this heat, this attraction, and yet there’s this new pull in his chest that’s more than just want or lust. Her tongue pushes past his teeth and she moans into his mouth, a low whine at the back of his when he takes her in deeper. They stand there like that—a tangled mess of limbs, low hums and shuddered breathing—for what seems like hours.

It feels like the whole world should suddenly make sense, a weight dropping off her shoulders that’s been there too long—falling in love feels like coming home to her. June pulls back first, because there’s something curling in her stomach that’s becoming painfully tight, something that’s not entirely right yet, even though she feels it could be.

Sebastian’s forehead settles against hers while they try to catch their breath.

“I want you,” he whispers.

He feels June freeze in his arms. He moves back to look at her.

“I—I can’t,” she stammers, blinking hard. It wasn’t real up until now, it was impossible, it could never happen because Sebastian was gay, but now—no, she won’t get her heart broken by Sebastian Smythe.

“What—” he clears his throat. Right, they were going to talk, how do they always end up kissing instead? Maybe it’s because the physical side is all he knows, the physical side that has rules and boundaries and actually makes sense, even though that too can be sloppy as hell. “What do you want from me?” he asks.

June disentangles herself from Sebastian, even though the loss makes her feel emptier. But she has to say this—she can’t settle for something she doesn’t really want. She knows what she wants now, she’s in love—after all those times she’s gotten jealous of Blaine or every time her heart broke just a little bit because Sebastian showed interest in someone else, she knows.

“I want a relationship,” she says, the word big and complicated and scary. “This is going to sound girly and silly and a little scary, and it contradicts so many things I’ve said in the past—” she rambles, until Sebastian’s hand is on her cheek again, telling her to cut to the chase. Well, he asked.

“I want a boyfriend.” Another big word. Her hands fist his shirt at his sides. “I want all of you. Your head and your body and—”

Sebastian doesn’t move, but he doesn’t look at her. “And my heart,” he says.

“However vague that sounds—but yes.” June nods. She can’t believe she’s actually going to say this, but what’s the point in having a talk if she’s not going to say the most important thing. “Because I’m in love with you. And I’ve known that for a while now.”

Sebastian blinks but finds her eyes again. So it is true, June’s in love with him but where and when and _how_ , and most importantly—  “Why me?” he asks.

June smiles. It’s so obvious, all of a sudden. “Because you’ve _always_ seen right through me.”

He casts down his eyes, but smiles. It’s the same for her, she gave him lip from the moment they met and she never really stopped. She put him in his place when he needed it and he pursued her more relentlessly because of it—was that his way of _wanting_ her rather than keeping her close as a friend? It’s all so confusing.

“I need more time,” he says, forehead against hers again.

“And space?”

Sebastian shakes his head. “Just time.” He shrugs. He can’t figure out if there’s really something more than just the physical between them if they’re separated. “Figure out if it’s more than—”

“Okay,” June interrupts. She doesn’t want to rush him, but she’s said everything she can say. It’s his move now.

“So you’ll stop avoiding me?”

June chuckles. “Yeah. Blaine’s mom makes a mean coffee, but it’s not quite the same.”

He grins. Things are back to a non-awkward comfortable again, just the way he likes it. He’ll need some more time to figure things out, but he can’t stand not to see her around knowing it’s his fault. _Their_ fault. Whatever. “I guess I’ll see you around.”

June smiles up at him. “You will.”


	18. Eighteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's June's eighteenth birthday, but she has so much more to celebrate.

“Why can’t I stay for the party, June?” Belle asks, looking up at her with big eyes.

June smiles at the little girl next to her; after what happened at the mall last week June was determined not to lose contact with Belle again, or avoid the impression that she was ignoring her young friend. She’d had drinks with Belle and Sebastian almost every day, and because her birthday party was well past Belle’s bedtime she’d invited her for dinner before. She’d invited Sebastian too but he had Warbler practice and lacrosse afterwards, so he couldn’t make it.

So she’d asked Blaine and Kurt along instead. Blaine and Belle got along just fine (he’d joined them for drinks, of course) and whenever Kurt was home he was semi-attached to Blaine anyway.

“Because your mom wants you back in time for bed,” June answers.

Belle pouts, but has already accepted whatever ground rules have been put down for tonight.

Kurt sighs and rests his head on Blaine’s shoulder. “I really wish I didn’t have to be home for bed,” he says, and pouts as well. Kurt had an early morning flight back to New York that he couldn’t miss, and he wanted to catch a few hours of sleep first so he couldn’t attend her party.

“Guys, again,” June says, “I don’t _need_ Blaine to stay for the party. That’s kind of what this dinner was for.” She looks at Kurt. “To see you and Belle before you had to leave.”

“Ah, it’s okay.” Kurt waves it off. “I won’t get much sleep anyway with Blaine—”

“Besides,” Blaine interrupts, before Kurt can say anything that would give Belle reason to start asking all kinds of questions, “soon we’ll have all the time in the world to spend together.” Blaine lifts his arm, throws it around Kurt’s shoulder and pulls him closer, unable to follow his own advice—sometimes he just doesn’t care who sees him holding his boyfriend. “You’ll grow tired of me, you’ll see,” Blaine adds, and smiles at Kurt.

Kurt lifts a finger and taps Blaine’s nose. “That’s not possible.”

A loud slurp comes from June’s left, Belle focused intensely on the conversation taking place, even when she finishes up her milkshake and places it on the table. “Is Kurt your boyfriend?” she asks matter-of-factly, in a way no one would expect from a six-year old.

Blaine breathes in calmly, but he’s at a loss for words. He’s not sure it’s his place to educate a toddler on matters of sexuality. “He’s—” Blaine starts, and looks at June for help. June just smiles and nods. Blaine locks eyes with Belle again. “Yes, he is,” he answers.

Belle perks up in her seat. “I have a girl in my class who has two daddies and for career day she brought them both, and one of them made us all cupcakes!” she exclaims.

Blaine smiles wide. “That sounds like fun.”

“Are you going to have babies too?” Belle asks innocently.

Kurt and Blaine throw each other a quick glance, then blink at Belle, while June does everything in her power to hide her laughter behind her glass of water.

Blaine leans in closer over the table. “I think we’re a little young to be thinking about babies.”

“But they’re both moving to New York,” June chimes in, undoubtedly not the only one hoping to steer this conversation in another direction. But that doesn’t mean she can’t have her fun at their expense. “So in a few years maybe they’ll get married,” she adds, raising a suggestive eyebrow at both Kurt and Blaine before taking another sip from her drink.

“Mommy says Bastian likes boys too.”

The comment sounds innocent but so astute that June has to put her hand over her mouth to keep from spitting water all over Blaine. She starts coughing, but doesn’t miss Kurt triumphantly arching an eyebrow at her.

“And how do you feel about that?” Kurt asks.

Belle giggles. “I don’t like boys!” she shouts.

“Now that just breaks my heart,” Sebastian’s voice sounds from behind June. He smiles at everyone around the table. “Blaine, Kurt,” he nods, and grins wide when his eyes fall on June; she’s already staring up at him. “Birthday girl.”

June smiles. She likes calm laid-back Sebastian, just dressed in simple jeans and a black polo shirt, his hair still wet from showering after practice. The fact that she knows Blaine or Kurt won’t talk about him behind his or her back anymore makes her even happier.

“It’s time to go home, squirt,” Sebastian tells Belle.

Belle stands up on the leather seat. “I’m not a squirt!” she says forcefully, but reaches her arms out for Sebastian anyway.

June gets up from her seat as well and follows Sebastian to the door, where he lowers Belle to the floor. He takes some time appreciating the polka dotted dress June’s wearing, pushing up her cleavage ever so slightly. Her hair’s knotted in a French braid, running on into a sideways braid, a new set of earrings dangling from her ears. He thinks Kurt or Blaine must have helped her put the outfit together, because even her heels match, and she’s never been particularly attentive to things like that.

“You can always come back for the party, you know,” June says. “After you drop her off.”

“I don’t think that’s such a good idea,” Sebastian says, catching a glance of Kurt and Blaine settling comfortably in the stall they just left, making out as if the world’s coming to an end. “You and Blaine might have succumbed to my charms, but the rest of your friends barely tolerate me.”

June means to fire back with ‘none of them dance quite like you do’ but Belle interrupts their conversation. “It’s June’s birthday, Bastian!” she shouts. “You have to ask her to dance!”

Sometimes little sisters can be quite intrusive.

Sebastian lowers himself to Belle’s eyelevel. “Can you give us some privacy, princess?”

Belle pouts again. “Why?”

“Grown-up stuff,” Sebastian answers and points at a chair right next to the register. “Wait over there.”

Belle turns on her heels and trots towards the chair like a regular mini-Rachel Berry, sits down, and doesn’t once take her eyes of them.

“I think I’m getting better at this big brother thing,” Sebastian says, straightening himself out again. In June’s eyes he can see she agrees with him. He knows it’s mostly because of June, she’s often worked as a buffer between him and Belle and it’s given him the proper time and space to bond with his little sister, a sister he never wanted in the first place, but has now learned to tolerate.

“Grown-up stuff?” June asks, still questioning his tactics of sending Belle away.

Sebastian grins. “This is for you,” he says, pulling an envelope and a small box from his pocket.

“ _Two_ presents?” June says. “You’re going all out I see.” She opens the envelope first, careful not to tear what papers are folded inside. But they’re not folded at all. “Tickets to Nationals. Two of them?”

“You and a friend. Blaine, I guess,” Sebastian says, hands in his pockets. He knows it might be a tad sentimental, getting her tickets after she got him tickets for her Sectionals, but then he figures she hasn’t seen sentimental just yet. There are few people who know that Sebastian Smythe’s very good at getting people presents.

The tickets aren’t even a real present, just a way of saying he’d like her to come see him perform with the Warblers on a national stage. He’s sure some of his vanity crept into this present too. “I’d like you there,” he says, feeling that familiar vulnerability trying to coax him back to safer territories.

“I’ll be there.” June smiles up at him. “And what’s this?” she asks, studying the velvet rectangular box about the size of her hand.

Sebastian leans in, giddy himself—he’s _really_ good at buying presents. “Open it,” he urges.

June’s eyes are practically sparkling when she removes the bow from around the box. She pries it open carefully, and lays eyes on a beautiful sterling silver necklace.

“Sebastian—” June whispers, her eyes locked firmly on the necklace inside. She pulls it free from the box, holding it up to take a closer look, even though she’s already recognized the two pendants: the universal sign for infinity, and a miniature Eiffel tower. “It’s—”

It doesn’t happen very often at all, but June’s at a complete loss for words.

“Do you like it?” Sebastian asks, even though her reaction speaks volumes.

June looks up at him and he swears her eyes are shining with tears, but she looks away before he can really tell. “I love it,” she says, then chuckles. “And I’m being a girl.”

She wipes at her face—the necklace symbolizes one perfect night in a perfect place and it’s making her more emotional than she thought. More than anything she wishes that this was Sebastian’s answer, his way of saying _yes, let’s just give it a try_. Maybe she should have told him that, that she just wanted a chance, rather than bombing him with the ‘boyfriend’ word. She knows she said she’d stop avoiding him, and she’s kept true to her word, but right now he’s just sending mixed signals. She already knows he cares about her, but does he feel something more too?

“Here,” Sebastian says, and takes hold of the necklace. He knows the necklace might not mean the same to him, after all, she _knows_ she’s in love with him while he’s still struggling with so many things, but it’s something of his she’ll get to keep forever. “Turn around.”

June turns around and pulls her braid aside so Sebastian can put on the necklace.

She chuckles.

“What?” he asks, but swallows hard. Why is it always so hard for him to concentrate on what he’s saying when he has her so close? He thinks that’s more his problem than it is hers, and it’s not helping him figure out anything. Maybe some more distance wasn’t such a bad idea after all.

“I was thinking ‘we’ll always have Paris’,” June answers, and turns to face him again.

The necklace looks perfect on her.

He laughs. “Getting all sentimental on me now, are you, Wilder?” he says, while really he’s the one that made this sentimental. He’s sure that night meant as much to her as it did to him, maybe not for the same reasons, but similar ones. They both saw each other’s truest colors that night, and he hadn’t let a great many people see his before. Hers were brand spanking new and he was there to witness it.

Sugar walks through the door, stops to have a conversation with Belle and ends up high-fiving her.

“I should get going,” Sebastian says. “Get the little rugrat to bed.”

“Thank you for the necklace,” June says, even though she wants to ask him to stay again. But then she did promise to give him time, she doesn’t want to push him away or into anything he’ll end up regretting.

Sebastian takes a tentative step closer and brushes his lips against her cheek, pressing a light kiss to her flushing skin. He moves back slightly, looking down into her eyes. Maybe he can do this, be the kind of person she wants, a _boyfriend_. He cares about her, he’s just not sure his feelings are strong enough to be called love. Maybe they could try.

“Happy birthday,” he says, voice just above a whisper.

June casts down her eyes shyly. “Thanks.”

She watches Sebastian walks away and pick up Belle again—she sighs deeply.

“What was all that about?” Sugar asks.

“I am hopelessly in love with him,” June says, not really bothered admitting this to Sugar; she has this strange way of knowing everyone’s business without meddling or spilling their secrets to others.

“Oh sweetie, of course you are,” Sugar says.

June blinks and looks at her slightly shorter friend. Of course it’s _Sugar_ , so she’s not sure if she’s known all along, or if she’s only joking, but is her affection for Sebastian that obvious?

“What are they celebrating?” Sugar asks, waving towards Blaine and Kurt—they’re still making out, but who can really blame them? They’re not usually into this extreme kind of PDA when they’re out in public, but Breadstix had been reserved for her party, so only the wait staff is around right now.

“Kurt’s leaving again in the morning.”

“Cute.” Sugar smiles, then holds up small box. “I’ve brought your special order.” She winks.

June and Sugar skip over to another table out of Kurt and Blaine’s sight, carefully loading the cupcake inside the box onto a small plate and inserting a single candle, lighting it. The cupcake is decorated with tiny music notes.

“Thank you,” she whispers to Sugar and walks over to Kurt and Blaine, now just nuzzling their noses together. She clears her throat loudly to make sure she has their attention, and sits down at the table, sliding the plate towards Blaine.

“What’s this for?” Blaine frowns, and stares down at the cupcake.

June crosses her arms over her chest. “You didn’t think you could get into NYADA and keep that from me, did you?” she asks.

Kurt and Blaine exchange glances, but don’t say a word.

It hadn’t taken her very long to figure out, really. “You’ve been all over each other, even more than usual.” And while it wasn’t unusual for Kurt and Blaine to spend as much time as they could together whenever Kurt was over, there were just too many carefully chosen words in some of their conversations with her. So she did some digging. “And I got it out of Rachel.”

Kurt rolls his eyes; he should really be used to Rachel spilling his secrets by now.

“We were going to wait until you got your letter from Columbia,” Blaine says, worried suddenly, though he doesn’t detect a hint of disappointment in June’s eyes. He never really expected her to be anything but happy for him, but she hasn’t gotten a _single_ acceptance letter and he didn’t want to make her sad again after the whole Yale-rejection-debacle.

“Which you got into as well,” June says.

“I really need to explain the concept of a private conversation to Rachel,” Kurt says.

June chuckles; she had kind of cornered Rachel, and her questioning had been very shrewd. Once Rachel cracked, she got more things than she really asked for. “You know it’s kind of mean to keep this from your best friend. Why wouldn’t I be completely ecstatic for you?”

“I’m sorry,” Blaine says.

“Blow it out,” June commands; she doesn’t want to make an issue out of this, she’s happy for Blaine, and by extension, Kurt. Their dreams are coming true, and just because hers are making her wait a little longer that doesn’t mean she can’t congratulate her best friend.

Blaine looks at Kurt. “But I already got my wish,” he says.

June shrugs and smiles. “Then wish something for me.”

 

#

 

June comes home at around two in the morning, well past the hour she told her parents she’d be home, but they hadn’t called or texted her, so she assumes she’s not in any immediate trouble. The party had been an absolute success; it seemed everyone needed to blow off some steam after losing Regionals and it was nice to have a night without any rigorous musical rehearsals.

Kurt and Blaine had gotten her a gorgeous notebook with matching pens, and Belle got her a stuffed animal from Build-A-Bear. Joe and Sam had both made her a mix CD for the road trip to college, or any other potential exploits. Sugar got her a homemade coupon without a price limit for whatever pair of shoes she desired and possibly a new outfit, while Brittany got her an entire assortment of hair ties, hairpins and scrunchies.

But while all these presents were amazing and many of them had emotional value, it’s Sebastian’s necklace that carried most meaning to her. Who knew Sebastian Smythe could be so sentimental?

She walks through the front door, and notices immediately that the lights in the kitchen are still on. She dumps her bags of presents at the bottom of the stairs and tiptoes into the kitchen in case her parents just forgot to turn the lights off. But her parents are seated at the kitchen table, both cradling a cup of hot chocolate between their hands.

“I didn’t drink,” June blurts out, hoping this isn’t about her missing her curfew. “Everyone was just having a really good time and—”

“You’re not in trouble,” her dad reassures her; he hasn’t done that since she was a little girl.

“Two more letters came today,” her mother says, and slides two letters towards her across the table. “We wanted to be here with you to open them.”

June’s eyes go wide. The thought that her parents only stayed up to satiate their own curiosity only crosses her mind briefly. Because _this is it_ , two other schools letting her know whether or not she’s been accepted, whether or not she’ll have a future outside of this town. “Columbia and Penn,” she whispers, reading the names in the letterheads.

“Open them,” her mother says, her face practically alight with excitement.

June realizes she doesn’t really want to do this in front of her parents, she wants to do this with Blaine or Joe or Sebastian, with someone who knows her and knows how much this really means to her. And she’s too nervous now, put on the spot—this is just as much about her parents’ expectations as hers, for entirely different reasons.

But she can’t exactly tell her parents she’d rather keep them closed until the morning, or get Blaine on the phone. So she reaches for the first letter, the one from the University of Pennsylvania, because she’s invested a lot more hope on Columbia. She takes the letter out and unfolds the paper slowly.

“Dear Miss Wilder, we are pleased—” Her breath hitches in her throat. _Oh my God_ , she thinks, this is it, this is _everything_. “I got in,” she breathes, tears springing to her eyes.

She hears her parents release a sigh of relief and the sound of it brings her crashing back down from her sudden high, her heart aching. This is a good thing, it was always a done deal, they knew she’d get into a good school no matter what—why can’t they just be happy for her?

“Open the other one,” her mother says.

Her hands tremble hard around the envelope and her heart starts racing. What are the chances of both of them being acceptance letters? Can she take another rejection? But Blaine got in, and her grades are just as good as his—of course he had a Nationals trophy, but she had the newspaper and other extra-curriculars.

Her eyes scan the page fast, afraid to read the words aloud. She clasps a hand in front of her mouth, choking out a sob. She reads over the letter again, just to make sure, but they’re _there_ , all the words she’s ever wanted. “I got a full ride to Columbia,” she squeals, while there are tears streaming down her face. A full ride to the school she wanted. Columbia became her second choice after Yale, because it was in New York and she’d still get to see Blaine. And now it’s happening.

_It’s happening_.

“It’s okay, honey,” her mother says, wrapping her up in a tight hug. “This is everything we’ve worked so hard for.”

_We?_ June thinks, how exactly does she have her parents to thank for this? She’s not crying because she’s relieved, because she’d somehow convinced herself she didn’t deserve it or hadn’t worked hard enough to get it. No, she’s crying because _this is really it_ , her future, her ticket out of here—the reason why she can come out to her parents unafraid.

She’s not delusional, of course she’s afraid of how her parents will react, but she won’t have to worry about losing her dream. With her scholarship she’ll make it on her own, and with her friends, with Blaine and hopefully Sebastian, she’ll have a home no matter what happens.

“I told you we’d get here, didn’t I?” her father says, one of his hands on her shoulder. “Your brother didn’t let us, but you did.”

As usual the mention of her brother punches right through her. John let their parents take care of him just fine, but they took away his dream of going to a good school when they kicked him out at sixteen. Instead he had to claw his way through the world all on his own, he had to find a job just to put food on the table and it took him three years longer than it should have to get a degree. Now, at twenty-six, he had student loans to pay off on a teacher’s salary, and while there were plenty of people that lived that way, their parents could have prevented that.

“Frank,” her mom calls her father out; shock ripples through her body again—she’s never heard her mom hush her father like this. Her mother looks at her and smiles carefully, the smile asking her to forgive her father just this once, but it’s hard for June to ignore the anger her father’s words has just uprooted. “I’m so proud of you, sweetheart,” her mother adds.

She really wishes she lived in a world where her parents’ pride was all she needed.

“I should go to bed,” June says, swallowing hard. It seems like a valid enough excuse to run up to her room and figure some things out. “Try to get some sleep.”

“Okay, sweetie.” Her mother runs a hand over her hair. “I’m making pancakes in the morning!”

June smiles, but her smile fades the moment she turns around. She tracks up the stairs slowly, carelessly dumping her presents on her bedroom floor. She walks over to the bed and sits down, her mind elsewhere, the letter from Columbia held firmly in her hand—she always knew this moment would come, that this deadline she’d set herself would come closer and closer until finally hitting it and—this is it.

 

#

 

It’s three in the morning when his phone buzzes with a new text message. He doesn’t usually leave it on.

Text from June: _I got into Columbia and Penn_.

He chuckles, a warm feeling bubbling in his chest—he never had any doubt she would get into a school she wanted, but he still feels happy for her to have the confirmation. But why did her text appear so listless? Was it because it’s the middle of the night and she really should be sleeping? Then again, he notices Sugar’s still tweeting about the party. He takes his chances and dials June’s number.

She answers on the first ring.

“How is that text not accompanied by at least three exclamation marks or a smiley face?” Sebastian asks without giving her a chance to speak. Then he realizes he probably wasn’t her first phone call. “Or did Blaine get those?” he adds.

June chuckles. “I haven’t told him yet.”

_Oh_ , he thinks, but has a hard time believing it. Why not call her best friend first? Or was he still too busy with his boyfriend?

“Of course I’m happy,” June says, though her voice fails to reflect her happiness. “I’m ecstatic, and I’m—” her voice hitches, almost as if she’s out of breath, but he recognizes the sound all too well: it’s fear. Being brave is one thing, setting the goal of coming out another, but actually going through with it—not everyone does.

“I know,” comes his only reply. He doesn’t want to make this out to be a big deal, even though it is, but he doesn’t want her to freak out more than she already is.

“You know what this means,” June says.

“I know what you’ve made it to mean,” he answers. “You know you’re not obligated to.”

There’s a short silence on the other end, and he thinks he can hear the pendants on her necklace chiming together—she’s probably fiddling with it. He doesn’t like not being able to see her, unable to gauge her reaction or her mood.

“Why did—” June starts, and from her hesitation it’s clear she’s not sure this is a question she wants to be asking him. “Why did you come out to your parents?” she asks.

Sebastian takes a deep breath. So, they’re going there, he never thought they’d have this conversation, but then when he first met her he never knew they’d have any meaningful conversations at all. Strange how much that has changed.

He pretty much knew he was gay by the time he was twelve, one summer in Paris that he’d spent with Pierre, chasing after girls, but all Sebastian had eye for was the two years older tanned boy, black hair and some of the deepest brown eyes he’d ever seen. In hindsight, it wasn’t any wonder he’d been attracted to Blaine. Or June for that matter, with her own brown locks and matching brown eyes.

He only came out at fourteen, after being caught with a boy in the locker rooms by one of his teachers—his stepmother had called him experimental, while his father remained dead silent. It hadn’t been hard for him to contradict them.

“Have you met me?” Sebastian answers. He shrugs, even though June can’t see it, and sits up in his bed. “My mom was gone, my stepmom considered it a sin—and my father didn’t care. It was a way to rebel against them, which, if you know me—”

“—you never fail to do,” June fills in. He’s glad to hear at least the hint of a smile in her voice.

“It wasn’t very meaningful,” he says, running a hand over his face. He can’t believe he’s actually talking about this, he’s never told anyone this, no one ever cared enough to listen to his story before. “I didn’t really need it to be.”

Not at the time anyway, he catches himself thinking, but deep down he knows he would have given just about anything for someone to care about what he was saying, to look at him and not think ‘abomination’ or ‘sin’ or ‘disappointment.’ Now it doesn’t matter anymore, he knows who he is and his father and stepmother have granted him their silent disapproval, but they’ve never called him out on anything.

“You think I need it to be?” June asks, as if she doesn’t already know the answer to her own question. He _knows_ this about her, this isn’t just some way of getting back at her parents for everything they did to her and her brother, this was about being real, becoming someone that’s sure of herself and what she wants and not afraid of showing that.

He swings his legs over the side of his bed, hoping the cold floor at the bottom of his feet will wake him up a little more—maybe he’s not saying this right. “I mean it wasn’t about my father hearing me,” he says. “It was about being everything he didn’t want me to be.”

He sighs; that makes it sounds like he deliberately chose to be gay—June will know that’s not what he means. Maybe once there was a time that he wished he wasn’t—the uniforms in all his schools made everyone look the same and the rules made everyone act accordingly, so it was never addressed. But he heard the whispers, he saw the looks some of the other boys threw at him. It doesn’t bother him anymore, but there was definitely a time where he wished he was like everybody else. Just because it would be easier.

“Didn’t really matter much without my mom there,” he adds absentmindedly, realizing too late he doesn’t really talk about his mom to anyone, and there were no exceptions. “It’s different for you.”

He hears June breathing at the other end of the line. “The thing is I keep saying that I’ve prepared myself for whatever’s coming,” she says; he’s grateful she doesn’t pry further into his past. “Only—”

He knows that about her too, while it’s really something you’d find in everyone coming out to the people they care about. She’s holding onto the hope that her parents will say it’s okay, hug her and accept her for who she is. Even though she knows it might not go that way at all. Deep down he wants the same for her, he wants her parents to surprise her—he doesn’t want to see her get hurt. He doesn’t want to think of anyone calling June an abomination—just thinking about it makes his blood boil.

“It’s not wrong to expect more from your parents,” he says, but knows just as well as June that people can disappoint.

There’s another short silence, but he thinks he told her what she needed to hear. “I’m sorry for waking you,” she says, the pendants of her necklace still chiming somewhere in the background.

“That’s okay,” he says, meaning every word. He’s flattered that he was her first call, or text. Then again, he supposes he’s always been there for her more major revelations.

“Goodnight, Mr Smythe,” June says, some humor returning to her voice.

“Sweet dreams, Ms Wilder,” he says, happy that some of their old rapport is bleeding through again. He knows they can never completely go back to the way it was, but it’s nice to realize that underneath it all they’re still the same people. “Oh, and J?”

“Yeah?”

“Congratulations.”

June chuckles. “Thanks.”


	19. Here's Who I Am...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is one of the biggest days in June's life: she's coming out. Will everyone react positively?

( _Here in the dark, I stand before you_

_Knowing this is my chance to show you my heart_

_This is the start_

_This is the start._ )

.                                                                                            

 

She has to start somewhere. For whatever reason she thinks it really started last year, when Finn practically forced Santana out, despite the campaign video that would be going around about her. She’d been so angry, she’d been primed to kick, scream and shout if Santana had shown the slightest sign that she wasn’t ready to come out.

But somehow—she still hadn’t quite figured out how or why—Santana had accepted what Finn did for her and she’d come out to the entire school without much of a hitch. June had envied her, both her bravery and the whole Santana-of-it-all, because at that moment she still didn’t see an end for her. She’d still been closeted to Blaine, Kurt, Sebastian _and_ Joe and the thought of coming out—even though it was constantly on her mind and high on her list of priorities—still scared her senseless.

Then of course there was that Valentine’s night, Sebastian all smug and flirty while she’d been having a hard time just keeping it together and that _damn_ jock thinking he could talk to her the way he did. Of all the people she’d come out to so far, Sebastian and Joe had the best reactions. Though she’s well aware Kurt and Blaine only reacted the way they did because they were so close and she’d kept something so important from them. But at least everything worked out in the end.

And now this.

It’d only been a few days since her birthday party and receiving her acceptance letters from Penn and Columbia. She really had run up to Blaine at the Lima Bean the next day and jumped around with him ecstatically and whatever the verbal equivalent of exclamation marks was. Sebastian had joined them and congratulated her again, but it wasn’t until she arrived at school and Joe joined her and Blaine that she verbalized her decision to them.

Sebastian already knew, but she didn’t want to involve him in such an intimate part of her life while he was still deciding whether or not he wanted a place in that life. She told Blaine and Joe that she wanted to come out to the Glee club first, because despite some struggles they’d been there for her all year and they deserved to know. Besides, she’d decided she wanted her first real coming-out to a positive experience.

If Blaine had any reservations at all he kept them to himself, and Joe said he’d support her all the way through. She wonders if she’d be brave enough to do this if she was all on her own.

She talks to Ms Pillsbury first. After her fight with Blaine a few months ago she realized there were things in her life she never handled very well, like expressing her emotions in a normal moderated manner, or talking about them at all. So she had a few sessions with Ms Pillsbury, had told her about her brother and her parents and her fears. It wasn’t hard to open up to someone like Ms Pillsbury with her big Bambi eyes and earnest smile. And June knew her secrets were safe with her.

“I don’t want to live this lie anymore,” June answers when Ms Pillsbury asks her if she’s sure she wants to come out to her parents already. “I have to tell them.”

“Okay,” Ms Pillsbury says, even though it’s clear she’s still doubtful of her decision. The one word that’s been coming back during their sessions has been ‘patience’. June’s not sure if that’s one of her virtues. Not anymore. “Just remember what we talked about.”

“I can’t control people’s reactions.” June nods. “I know.” Only she thinks there’s a part of her that’s doing exactly that. She’s doing this controlled and one step at a time, working her way up to the final conversation with her parents—deep down she knows that’s her way of taking control over a situation that probably can’t be guided at all. But she has to try.

Ms Pillsbury takes her to see Mr Schue in his office right after their talk—June asked her to be there when she told him. She feels like he should know before the others just in case, so he can do some potential damage control. But really she needs someone to do that when she tells her parents. Somewhere even deeper down she knows she’s deluding herself thinking her parents will accept her the way she is.

But it’s impossible to turn back now, the wheels have been set in motion and she has to brave through this. This is the start of the rest of her life.

“Everyone,” Mr Schue hushes the choir room. “June has an announcement.”

“I have two actually,” June says as she gets up from her seat and positions herself in front of the class. She takes a deep breath. She’d already decided how she was going to do this. One step at a time.

Blaine smiles at her and nods in encouragement.

“As you all know getting rejected by Yale was really hard for me,” June says. “I thought my entire future had gone up in flames and I’d be stuck here forever.”

“Way to bring the room down, Wilder,” Brett says.

June can’t help but smile—unlike she’d expected there are giddy butterflies making her stomach flutter. This is what it should feel like—people shouldn’t have to be afraid to come out. “But that doesn’t matter anymore,” she says. “Many of you told me that there’d be other dreams and you were right.”

“Drumroll, please,” Blaine says.

Joe, who had seated himself at the drums at the start of their session, starts a soft drum beat.

June draws in a breath. “I got a full ride to Columbia!”

Tina and Sugar squeal in unison and start clapping, while the rest of the New Directions cheers with them.

“That’s amazing!” Mr Schue laughs; she only told him about her second announcement. “Congratulations!”

June beams, unconsciously grabbing for her new necklace. “Thanks.”

“What’s the other announcement?” Josh asks.

“I uh—” June swallows hard. Blaine gets up and walks over to her, throwing an arm around her; Joe gets up from behind the drums and joins her as well. She can tell this confuses more than a few of her friends. She can’t really blame them—they don’t really have a reason to suspect this from her.

“I’ve been wanting to do this for a very long time,” June says, anxiety finally setting in. “I never did because I was afraid of what my parents would do. When my brother came out at sixteen they kicked him out of the house, and—I told myself that I would only come out when I knew I could stand on my own two feet.”

“But it’s still scary,” she adds, and casts a quick glance at Joe—she’s so lucky to have Joe and Blaine by her side already; she hopes her friends will do the same.

Joe takes hold of her other hand, and smiles at her.

“You’re gay?” Sam asks, but his voice doesn’t betray any surprise or disappointment. She doesn’t really expect any of them to give her a hard time over this, considering everything else they’ve been through.

“You’re a lesbian?” Brett chimes in. “Right on!”

“Guys—” Mr Schue cautions.

But June actually manages a chuckle. “I’m bi, really,” she says, even though her entire body’s now shaking. “No,” she says and looks at Blaine for support this time. “It’s still scary.”

“Blaine and Joe knew?” Artie asks, unable to hide the hint of betrayal in his voice. “You could have told us.”

June nods; this is the only thing she’s been worried about. Kurt and Blaine had felt betrayed finding out the way they did, and she feared her friends would hold it against her as well. But she’s not sorry that things worked out this way—she wasn’t ready before, and if she’d been in Santana’s shoes she would have wiped the floor with Finn and his sudden newfound heroism. She’s ready now. And now the truth is out it’s like a weight has been lifted from her shoulders.

“I know that, Artie, but I’ve been so scared,” June says. “Of my parents, not you.”

“You really think they’d kick you out?” Tina asks carefully.

June takes a deep breath. “Yeah, I do,” she says, ignoring the sharp stinging behind her eyes. “But—I’m telling them tonight. I have an entire future ahead of me and I won’t be afraid anymore.”

Tina gets up from her chair, followed immediately by Sugar. “Whatever happens, we’ll be here for you,” Tina says and throws her arms around her, Sugar doing the same.

“Thanks, T,” June whispers.

All the others get up from their seats as well and join them in a group hug.

 

.

( _I have so much to say and I’m hoping_

_That your arms are open_

_Don’t turn away, I want you near me_

_But you have to hear me._ )

.

 

“Hey, you know you don’t _have_ to do this,” Blaine says.

June can hear her parents’ car pull up on the driveway—that means this is it, she’s not going to draw this out or wait any longer. This has to happen now. Joe and Blaine have been sitting with her at the living room table for half an hour now, waiting for her parents to come home so she can finally tell them—it’s been the longest and most silent wait she’s ever endured.

“You can wait until after graduation, or—”

June looks at Blaine. She knows he’s only expressing her own worries, but she feels like she’s been on this crazy rollercoaster ride for the past few months now and it’s time that stops. It’s time for the next chapter in her life. “If I don’t do this now I’m afraid I never will,” she says. “I need to.”

Blaine nods. “Then we’re here.”

“Every step of the way,” Joe adds.

Her parents enter the living room behind them no five minutes later, halting in their tracks once they see her with Joe and Blaine. June turns in her seat. “Mom, dad,” she says, “this is Joe and Blaine. Could you sit down with us for a moment?”

She sees her father hesitating, eyeing both Joe and Blaine and the gleam of disapproval touches his face, but she can’t tell what he’s thinking. Whatever it is, she thinks she should be grateful it’s her mother that speaks first.

“Sure, honey,” she says. “What’s wrong?”

But June first waits patiently for her parents to settle down on the other side of the table, sitting close to each other. She takes a deep breath, trying to keep eye contact. “There’s something I have to tell you,” June says; her hand jerks towards Blaine’s under the table. “I’ve been meaning to tell you for a very long time.”

“You know you can tell us anything, sweetie,” her mother says, even though that couldn’t be farther away from the truth. She can’t tell them everything, she can’t defend her brother without something awkwardly shifting in the conversation or invoking her father’s disappointment.

She can’t really tell them she’s gay either. But she has to. She’s surprised at how calm she still feels, despite the anxiety. And she’s not crying, this isn’t something she’s ashamed of. “Mom, dad, you both remember Sarah, right?”

“Her father was the plastic surgeon, wasn’t he?” her father asks.

June nods, feeling a lump make its way up her throat, making it harder for her to breath or to speak. “Well,” she clears her throat. “I always told you guys that me and Sarah were friends. But that was a lie.”

“Is this what you want to talk about?” her mother asks, some of her concern fading. “We always assumed something happened between the two of you that made you stop talking. Was it a boy?”

June’s face falls. “No, mom, it was me,” she blurts out, because if there’s anything that still hurts, that will never stop hurting is knowing Sarah only left her because of the lie she’d enveloped them in. A similar lie her and Sebastian had upheld—fear stabs at her like a dagger—does that mean they can’t work out either? “We were in love,” she continues, because she doesn’t want to think about her feelings for Sebastian right now. “And she broke up with me because I was too afraid to tell you guys that I’m—”

“June—” her father warns, voice more threatening than she’s ever heard it.

“I’m gay, dad.” She locks eyes with her father first, then looks at her mother. “And it’s time you knew that.”

Her father’s eyes narrow precariously. “Do you think you’re being funny?” he asks. “Is this some kind of—Jesus Christ, girl, what are you even thinking?”

June frowns to herself, confusion settling at the edges of everything else she’s feeling; what does he mean _what is she thinking_? As if this is a matter of degree, of decision. This is who she is. “I’m thinking I just turned eighteen and I’m about to head off to college in New York, and I can’t be afraid anymore.”

“You’ve always been such a good girl,” her mother whines, as if it’s supposed to offer some explanation for why this conversation shouldn’t be taking place.

“I’ve been quiet, you mean,” June says. “Because I’ve been _terrified_. I remember every word you said to John, every name you called him.” Tears sting her eyes. “And it took me years to figure out that they were bad and distasteful and shameful.”

She was too young, too naïve, too alone without anyone to talk to about her brother to realize what had happened. Why did her brother say he was finally who he was meant to be? Why did he leave? What did he do _wrong_? Turned out the only thing he did wrong was be honest with himself.

“And when I found out that I was in love with a girl, I felt shame too,” June adds. “I felt wrong. Because of you.”

“That’s because it _is_ wrong,” her father says. “It’s a sin.”

Blaine shifts in his chair, his hand has tightened around hers incrementally during the entire conversation, anger undoubtedly clawing at him. “Mr Wilder—” he starts.

“You don’t talk to me!” her father shouts, his voice booming through the room. “You think I don’t see why you’ve been staying away here?”

“Stop it,” June says, watching the situation get out of hand fast when her father gets up out of his chair and points a finger at Blaine.

“You little fag—”

June shoots up from her chair. “ _Don’t_ —you dare talk to him like that!” she says forcefully, her entire body shaking, heart practically assaulting her ribcage now. This is exactly why she never introduced Blaine to her parents, why she doesn’t even let him near the house. She knew this would happen. And she knew that it would break her heart.

Her father points at her now. “Don’t raise your voice to me, young lady.”

“Maybe it’s time that I did!” she shouts. “I have been screaming to the entire world since I was old enough to understand what you did to John, but the only two people I have ever wanted to reach was you two!”

She looks down at her mother. “Mom, I need you,” she says.

But only her father speaks up. “You should’ve thought of that before making this decision.”

“With all due respect, Mr Wilder,” Joe says, “June’s trying to share something very personal with you—”

“He doesn’t mean my decision to come out, Joe,” June interrupts. No, in her father’s eyes being gay is a choice, one someone should never make.

“I thought—” her mother’s voice is small. “You went to Paris with that nice boy.”

“Yes, and I’m in love with him,” June confesses. “But I was in love with Sarah and I might fall in love with other boys or girls. My sexuality isn’t all I am, but it’s a part of me you need to know. Because I’m done being afraid.”

Her mother starts crying. She reaches a hand out across the table. “Mom, please, this isn’t a bad thing.” But her mother closes her eyes and shakes her head, retreating behind walls she’s spent years building for herself—June knows her mother doesn’t feel as absolute about this as her father does.

“Don’t talk to your mother,” her father says and sits down next to her mother, wrapping a protective arm around her.

June shakes her head. “I’m still me, dad.”

“Just like that brother of yours,” her father says, not hearing her. “One big disappointment. _Two_ now. What did we do to deserve this?”

“This is me, laying it all out for you,” June says, still standing. “This is who I am. This is the person you’ve raised and loved.”

“No, it’s not.” Her father casts down his eyes and shakes his head.

A sudden anger spikes in her; why aren’t they _looking_ at her?! She’s their daughter, who they’ve loved and cared for the past eighteen years, she never caused any trouble, always been the good girl. Why can’t they understand this doesn’t have to change anything?

“This isn’t even about me being gay,” she says. “This is about you actually having to give a damn about your children.”

Her father looks up at her in a flash, an identical anger in his eyes. “We gave you everything—”

“Money, clothes, food and a roof over my head,” June rants, cutting her father short. “That’s everything I’ve ever heard from you two and you never made me forget. But teaching me to be a person?” Her eyes fill up with tears. “That was _John_. That’s people like Kurt and Blaine and even Sebastian. At least they know who they are.”

“That’s not everything.”

“ _Yes_ , it is, daddy.” June nods. “It is to _me_!” she shouts, because she needs her father to hear this. That is all that’s ever mattered, finding herself in this complicated world, in a life that told her it was a sin to be gay, locating some source of truth in all the chaos. “Because I finally know, I can finally see a future, and that’s why I’m sharing this with you. This is who I am.”

Her father stands up. “Then you’re not our daughter.”

She hears Blaine’s sharp intake of breath to her right, and Joe slowly rises to his feet to her left.

“Daddy—” she whispers. What just happened? What made her father turn that switch and decide she wasn’t worth his time anymore? How has she managed to stay afloat in this family for so long without losing her mind? Was it selfish to think it’d be different for her?

“No.” Her father’s eyes are ice-cold. “If this is what you’re choosing to do with your life then you don’t need us. So take your buddies here and leave my house.”

“Daddy, please—” she pleads, tears running down her face.

“I want you to turn around this instant,” her father says, his index finger pointing at the hallway leading outside behind her, “and leave my house.”

There’s a part of her that wants to rebel, that wants to sit down again right there, cross her arms over her chest and stay there until something sensible comes out of her parents. But she knows what she would be getting, she heard it shouted at her brother eight years ago and she’s already gotten a decent amount of the same lines just minutes ago. History’s repeating itself, only she has Blaine and Joe and the rest of the Glee club. She even has Sebastian.

Her poor brother; she knows there’s nothing she could’ve done as an eight-year old, but the same guilt that has been there for years, for not standing up for her brother, for keeping silent all this time—it rips through her again in twofold.

But then Joe’s arm snakes around her waist and his lips are at her temple—more than anything she knows it’s his way of getting her to back down, to get her out of the house, away from these people who have just become strangers to her. “Come on,” he whispers, hand coaxing her away from the table, Blaine holding her hand tight—she can tell Blaine’s angry, she can read it in his every move.

So it’s Joe that gets her to move—he keeps his calm the way he always manages, though God knows how. He leads her down the hallway and grabs her bag off the floor, he opens the door and closes it behind them, while June’s mind’s gone completely blank. It hasn’t sunk in. What the hell just happened?

She looks back at her house, a stranger to her now.

“June—” Joe starts.

“No,” she interrupts abruptly, then shakes her head when she feels a fresh wave of tears hitting her. “Don’t—” _don’t say anything_ , she wants to say, if anyone talks now it’ll all come crashing on her, it’ll become real, it’ll cut in and through her and it’ll _hurt_. But really it’s been hurting for a very long time now. “I knew this was coming,” she says. “I’ve been—”

The dam breaks—a sob ravages through her and bursts out. Three years. She’s been dreading this moment for three years, knowing what would come, preparing for every word and every line, yet somehow hope had stupidly managed to creep in too. What was she even thinking? They didn’t give her brother any chance, why would she have been any different?

“I’ve been so stupid,” she cries, and if at all possible the look in Blaine’s eyes breaks her heart all over again. What is she going to do? Finals are this week and graduation’s still coming up—how is she going to get through this alone? Maybe she didn’t think this through.

“Oh God,” she chokes out, losing control of her breathing. “Where am I gonna go?”

Blaine closes the distance between them instantly. “Don’t even—” he shakes his head, then pulls her close and just holds her tight. “You’re staying with me. No discussion.”

 

.

( _Here’s where I stand_

_Here’s who I am_

_Love me, but don’t tell me who I have to be_

_Here’s who I am, I’m what you see._ )

.

 

Blaine takes her home with him and Joe sits with them too. He holds her for what must be hours. She’s in his arms and Joe just holds her hand, both of them whispering nonsense like ‘it’s going to be okay’ or ‘we’ll get through this’ because what can they really say to heal these wounds her parents have just carved in her?

Whatever words June manages to choke out come down to ‘thought it would be different’ or ‘my brother’ and ‘oh God, how could they?’. Blaine needs to do everything in his power to keep calm, while really all he wants to do is scream, shout at the world for all its injustices, for all its prejudice and ignorance. He can’t _stand_ this, because he knows exactly how June feels, he’s been through this just the same, only now he realizes that maybe he was lucky. He’s heard horror stories before, of parents turning their backs on their children. But he never thought in a million years he’d have to witness it.

The worst thing is that she’s known all this time, she’s been telling him for so long and he realizes there’s a part of him that never completely believed her. But it makes sense now, why she clings to him so hard, why she clings to Sebastian even, why she falls back on all the people that aren’t her parents. Her friends are the only people she can really turn to. It makes him wonder about her brother, and where he is, and if he’d care about what’s happening to her.

And that makes his blood _boil_ , it makes him want to hit the gym just to work off some of his anger at a punching bag and maybe teach June to do the same, even though her grief is overpowering any other emotion right now. The anger will come later, of that he’s certain, it’s why he’s angry right now—he’s gone through the grief, he’s already cursed the unfairness of it all for himself and others and all he has left to give after all these years is _anger_.

And then so what if Kurt is probably waiting behind his computer for his call, everything has been blotted out by that anger all over again but there’s no outlet for it now, not with this crying girl in his arms, a girl that needs him, a girl that needs him calm and composed because she’s everything but. It’s difficult, but he manages. This is what friends do.

June freezes in his arms when the front door opens downstairs. Joe had gone home two hours ago and they’re all alone in the house.

“It’s just my parents,” he assures her, but June moves back.

She clears her throat. “I should—clean myself up,” she says, wiping at her face to catch any tears that haven’t soaked into his shirt. She slowly raises her gaze to meet his eyes. “I can’t stay here.” She shakes her head, a fresh wave of tears filling up her eyes. He knows she’s saying she can’t expect him to open his home to her, can’t take his hospitality for granted because this was her choice and hers alone and she’s the only one who should deal with the consequences.

“Yes, you can,” he urges, and places a hand on her cheek, not once releasing her eyes. How can he show her how much he means this? Because he needs her to believe that even though her world might be crumbling around the edges, there’s good people in this world that will treat her the way she deserves to be treated. He knows maybe it’s wrong to expect that from his own parents while his father had attempted to ‘make him straight’ in the past, but he won’t take no for an answer now. “I’ll go downstairs and tell them what happened and they’ll _listen_ , you hear me?”

June nods, but there’s still something so cautious about it that makes him want to hold onto her and never let go again. She’s vulnerable and fragile and looks smaller than she usually does, her eyes and her nose are red and she even looks a little pale. It breaks his heart.

“You go freshen up, okay?” he says, and kisses her forehead. “There’s some fresh towels underneath the sink.”

He closes his bedroom door behind him, the stairs creaking under his weight as he makes his way down.

“Honey?” his mother asks from the living room, still in the process of taking off her coat. His father’s in the hallway taking off his shoes. “Is that June’s car outside?”

“Yeah,” he answers. He takes a deep breath, preparing himself for the inevitable—June’s staying with them, whether his parents like it or not. He doesn’t think it’s beyond Joe to take her in or even Tina, but he’s determined to get this done himself. June needs someone who _really_ understands. Someone who knows.

“She’s staying for dinner then?” his mother turns to him, but he averts his eyes.

He balls his hands into fists. It takes him all his strength to maintain his composure because this _fury_ is still coursing through his veins; anger towards June’s parents for not caring enough and trying to force her into a category they deem good and proper, anger towards a world that judges people for who they fall in love with. But most of all he’s just angry at himself. He should have stood up and said something the moment June started screaming.

“Blaine?” his father’s voice this time, having joined his mother in the living room.

He looks up at his parents, defiant almost, because they will hear him no matter what. So he just says it. “June came out to her parents today.” Just like that. “And they kicked her out.”

His parents’ initial reaction is what he expected: they hear him, but they don’t immediately believe him. But he keeps strong, he just looks at them, hoping his stance gives away enough for them to make the deduction and see exactly what’s going on.

“They did what?” his father ends up asking.

Blaine swallows hard. He can’t tell what his father is thinking or feeling. “They told her to leave the house,” he says.

His mother clasps her hand over her mouth and her eyes go wide in shock. She’s always made sure to treat him the way she would anyone else, even though she often falls short of doing that, especially when Cooper’s involved. But he doesn’t think that has anything to do with his sexuality.

“How could they do that?” his mother asks.

His parents have come to love June—they’ve always known her parents weren’t very supportive and so neither his mom nor dad had ever complained when she stayed for dinner or slept over even. His father seemed happy to have someone to argue with, and even though maybe some part of his father hoped June would turn him straight, at least he was only ever welcoming. His mother just seemed happy to have someone in the house that didn’t mind doing the dishes. Though he’s pretty June hates doing the dishes.

It’s his father’s reaction that takes him completely by surprise. “That is the most irresponsible thing I have ever heard!” his father raves and Blaine thinks he now knows where he gets it, how this anger inside him ever got to be this strong—not just because of the bullying and the beatings, but something that’s been passed down to him by his father. “Who would do that to their own child?”

It’s the most vocal he’s heard his father since telling him he was transferring back to a public school to be closer to Kurt. It would be touching, if his father hadn’t previously treated his coming out as a phase he needed to get through.

“I told her she could stay here,” Blaine says. “And—”

“Nonsense,” his mother says, assuming he’s about to ask for permission. “She can stay as long as she needs.” His mother grabs a notepad from the coffee table and he knows she’s scribbling down everything June will need or what extra groceries they’ll need to buy. Lists are sort of his mother’s religion. He inherited her habit of flawlessly organizing everything, keeping everything neat and clean and taking care of others.

“We’ll make up the guest room,” his mother adds.

“Thanks, mom.” Blaine sighs in relief. “But I think she might stay in my room tonight. I don’t think she’s going to sleep much.”

“I just don’t understand—” his father’s still muttering to himself when he hears his bedroom door opening upstairs, and a few moments later June makes her way down the stairs. She’s cleaned up, but anyone could still tell she’d been crying.

“Come here, honey.” His mother walks over and wraps her arms around June as if she was her own daughter. He smiles to himself; he’s sort of started seeing June as the sister he never had, or a soulmate he’s been waiting for his entire life—they’ll never lose sight of each other, no matter what happens.

“How about I make us all some hot chocolate and we talk this through?” his mother asks. “I’m sure you still need some things from home.”

June wipes at her face again, and nods.

“Well then, let’s plan.”

Blaine’s never loved his mother’s obsessive-compulsive planning more.

“Son,” his father says, stopping him before he can follow June and his mom into the kitchen. He looks at his father, a pained expression in his eyes. “You have to know that I never—” he starts, but seems to struggle for words. Blaine frowns. What’s going on? He’s never seen his father like this.

“I know I haven’t been as supportive as I could be when you told your mom and me about this—” Blaine knows his father never says it. “But I swear to you I never—”

His father’s hand lands on his shoulder. “You have to know there’s nothing you can ever say or do that will make me kick you out of the house. Nothing,” his father says, eyes digging into his. They’ve never talked like this before.

“You’re my son and I love you and nothing’s ever going to change that.”

Blaine feels his heart swell in his chest, his own eyes filling with tears now. That’s all he’s ever wanted, all he’s ever needed to hear from his dad. He’s never needed any wild gestures, didn’t need his father to shout that his son was gay from the rooftops. All he’s ever wanted is what everyone wants from the people they love. Acceptance.

“I love you too, dad,” he says, tears escaping him when his father pulls him in for a hug.

 

.

( _You said I had to change and I was trying_

_But my heart was lying_

_I’m not that child any longer_

_I am stronger._ )

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> References:
> 
> o1. soundtrack: Camp OST; Here's Who I Am


	20. ... Here's Where I Stand

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sebastian visits June at home after not hearing from her, but her parents tell him what happened. What will he do?

( _Here’s where I stand, Here’s who I am_

_Help me to move on but please don’t tell me how_

_I’m on my way, I’m moving now._ )

.

 

Sebastian doesn’t know what to think of June’s sudden silence. They had that intimate conversation the night of her birthday, and then he had coffee with her and Blaine the next day—but not a word since then. He’s set himself a pretty rigorous schedule, balancing finals, lacrosse and Warbler practice, so he’d had to skip out on a few morning coffees, but she hadn’t been answering his texts or calls either, not even from Belle. And considering what they went through with her just two weeks ago he never thought she’d start avoiding Belle again.

Did that mean she made up her mind about him? Did she decide he was no longer worth her time? They were doing so well, falling back into a rhythm, and he was slowly taking his time figuring things out. But now, he can’t make heads or tails of her behavior anymore.

So he decided to face the problem head on. If she won’t come to him, he would go to her. Simple as that. Only he’s been parked in front of her house for ten minutes now and he still hasn’t gotten out of the car. He knows it’s late, and June’s car isn’t in the driveway—could it be in the garage?

Screw this, he needs to know what’s going on, if it’s something he did or something she’s decided or something he hasn’t even thought of yet.

He rings the doorbell, surprised when it’s both of June’s parents answering the door.

“I’m sorry to drop by so late, but—”

“June isn’t here,” Frank Wilder says.

“Okay,” he says, figuring he was right about the car after all. Maybe she’s over at Blaine’s. “Do you know when she’ll be back? She’s not answering her phone.”

June’s father shakes his head. “She won’t be back, son.”

A chuckle escapes him involuntarily, but an eerie suspicion creeps up on him, especially once he notices June’s mother is close to tears. “I don’t follow,” he says tentatively, a sickening feeling settling at the bottom of his stomach.

June’s mother leaves and retreats further back into the house. What’s going on? Where is June?

“June doesn’t live here anymore,” her father answers.

“Why not?” the words push past his lips, but he realizes he already knows the answer. _Son of a_ —no, this can’t actually be happening, he thinks, they can’t have done this to her too, what kind of parents are they?

“She told us some things uhm—”

“June!” he calls out into the house, it’s sudden and even he didn’t see it coming, but something inside of him _snaps_. He forces his way inside, his long legs carrying him inside and up the stairs before June’s father manages to stop him. He pushes through her bedroom door, the first time he’s actually set foot in there, but it’s not hard to see—a lot of the shelves have been cleared, and whatever was still June’s is packed up into boxes on the floor. Only the furniture is still in place.

His breathing deepens, heart hammering in his chest. He balls his hands into fists. How _could_ they? Who _the_ _fuck_ did these people think they were? Doing this to their son _and_ their daughter? How do they even live with themselves?

He runs down the stairs, June’s parents waiting for him there—he guesses they realized he needed to see it with his own two eyes to believe it. “You kicked her out?” he asks. “You actually kicked her out of her own home?”

“No daughter of ours will live here until she straightens herself out.”

In any other case he would have applauded June’s father for such a specific and pointed choice in words, but right now he just wants to punch the man. He’s _fuming_ , practically shaking with sheer rage over this. How _could_ they?

“Maybe you can talk to her, honey,” her mother takes a step closer to him. “The two of you make such a lovely couple.”

He feels his heart drop to his stomach—this is his fault too, he’s the one that convinced June they could make it ‘look good’ for her parents, pretend that he’s her boyfriend and put them at ease. So much has happened since then and he knows there’s a part of him that wants to be her _real_ boyfriend now. Maybe he even wants that part to become bigger.

“So did she and Sarah,” he shoots back, because this isn’t about him or his feelings. “You know, her ex- _girl_ friend.”

June’s mother starts crying, but he couldn’t be bothered to care. They brought this on themselves, years of instilling June with fear of what could happen should she ever come out. And now those fears came true.

“Where is she?” he asks, his anger momentarily making way for concern. “Where’d she go?”

“With that faggot friend of hers.”

The insult is the final straw.

He doesn’t know how he manages it, how he keeps his fists balled without striking or how he doesn’t tear the entire house down right there and then, but he draws a step closer to Frank Wilder, towering over him. “You listen to me, Mr Wilder,” Sebastian says, voice threatening but steady. “Blaine Anderson is the best thing to have happened to your daughter since she moved here and I won’t have you insult him in front of me.”

Part of him wants to think he was a good thing too, but he’s defending a point here and if there’s one point to make about June’s life in Lima, Blaine needs to be mentioned. There’s a reason why the two of them are friends, why she felt drawn to him and why they get along. He won’t hear anyone insult either of them anymore.

“He’s an ab—”

But Sebastian interrupts Frank Wilder again—he’s afraid that if he doesn’t he might just punch him yet. “This is everything she was afraid would happen,” he says, desperation starting to cling at him as well. How is she doing? She’s in good hands with Blaine, always will be, but how is she feeling? She’d held onto the hope that her parents would go easy on her, that maybe this time it would be different and _now look_.

“You should be ashamed of yourselves,” he sneers.

He turns around without saying another word, out the door and into his car, where he just sits and stares out in front of him. _Silly girl_ , he catches himself thinking. He’s proud of her, _god damn it_ he is, she was so brave doing this, but why couldn’t she have waited until graduation? Until after finals and Nationals and everything else still left to do in this town? She could’ve come out and moved away without going through the hassle of moving to Blaine’s—

What is he even saying? It doesn’t matter what he thinks, what’s done is done, the _damage_ has been done.

He slams a hand hard against the steering wheel, but it does nothing to calm him down; his heart rate spikes again and his breathing deepens and he doesn’t know what to do with himself. She can’t keep doing this to him, take her distance when she very well knows he cares about her. Why didn’t she tell him she was doing this now? Was that phone call after her birthday party an announcement? Should he have deciphered its meaning?

He starts the car and decides to swing by Blaine’s. But when he gets there he has no idea what he plans on doing. It’s been a week and a half since her birthday, but her silence has only lasted this past week—how long has she been living with Blaine? If he hadn’t been so busy with finals and Warbler practice he might’ve noticed whether or not they’d frequented the Lima Bean.

If it’s been a week then she’s already cried in Blaine’s arms, maybe even Joe’s and—no, the thought of Joe and June still makes him insanely jealous. But could his arms still offer her anything at this point? He parks in front of Blaine’s house, spotting June’s blue Ford Mondeo in the driveway.

He gets out of the car and walks right up to the front door, raises his hand to ring the doorbell—but he stops.

He’s not what June needs right now. He’s a seething mess of rage and personal indignation, ready to call her parents every which name or go right back there and punch her father’s lights out. But that’s not what she needs right now. She needs comfort and friendship, she needs someone to tell her that everything will be alright and have that be the truth.

And he can’t do that for her right now.

Blaine can do that. Joe can do that. Hell, even Kurt could do that.

Not him, not in the state he’s in.

So he decides to go home instead, maybe he can go punch the wall in his bedroom if his anger gets to be too much.

“Sebastian?” his stepmother chirps as soon as he’s through the door, cornering him in the hallway before he manages to escape upstairs. “What’s going on? What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” he snaps. “I’m fucking great.”

“Don’t use that language with me, young man.”

He takes a deep breath—he shouldn’t take this out on his stepmother. He’s never hidden his dislike of her, but she’s been good to him even when she didn’t need to be. Despite her religion and her insistence never to talk about his sexuality at least she’s always made the effort to communicate. It’s not her fault that he never responded. “I’m sorry,” he says, but doesn’t meet her eye.

He can feel Diana’s eyes on him, studying him closely, and he guesses there’s something in his expression or behavior that cautions her, because she doesn’t go into ‘his language’.  “Can you go see your sister?” she asks instead. He frowns. “For some reason she’ll only go to sleep if you tell her about what happened between you and June tonight.”

He’d promised his sister earlier today that he’d get to the bottom of June’s silence.

He shrugs. “Fine.”

He drags himself up the stairs slowly, taking his time to take a few deep breaths—he definitely doesn’t want to take out his anger on his sister. When he opens the door Belle shoots up in her bed. “Bastian, did you talk to June?” she asks, her voice a strange mixture of worry and excitement.

“I did,” he lies, sitting down on Belle’s bed. “She’s—” He frowns to himself; he better come up with a valid excuse or Belle might lose it again. “She’s really sad right now because someone was really mean to her and—I think she just needs some time alone.”

Belle pouts, but he knows it’s only because she feels sad for June. “She should have a big brother like you, Bastian,” she says. She crawls towards him over the sheets and hoists herself in his lap, hugging her short arms around his neck.

Normally he would recoil from this kind of schmoopiness, for a long time he thought it made him weak or feminine or whatever else ridiculous reasons he’d thought up to avoid this kind of intimacy. But his baby sister has done this for him before, made his anger float right out of him by a few well-placed words or gestures. He’s grateful for that, because it’s what he needs to put things into perspective. June doesn’t need him angry. She needs something else entirely.

“You’re right,” Sebastian says, pulling his sister into a tight embrace. Leave it to a six-year old to make him realize what he has to do. “She should.”

 

.

( _In this life we’ve come so far, But we’re only who we are_

_With the courage of love to show us the way_

_We’ve got the power to stand up and say…_ )

.

 

“How’s she doing?” Kurt asks, his face framed by Blaine’s computer screen. He’s sitting cross-legged on his bed, his laptop on the sheets in front of him. As soon as June found out he’d been cancelling his Skype sessions (with Kurt’s permission) to spend time with her she’d freaked out and told him he shouldn’t put her before his relationship. She was a guest in his house and it wasn’t his job to wait on her every whim or devote every free minute to her. In a lot of ways, having June around has really started feeling like having a sister.

“She’s—I don’t know.” Blaine shakes his head. “I think she’s putting on a brave face.” He sighs deeply. “I’ve never seen anything like it. The way her parents _talked_ to her, I mean—I always figured she was exaggerating a little, but Kurt,” –he leans closer to his laptop and lowers his voice, as if June’s right there in the room with him and he doesn’t want her to hear—, “it was _brutal_. And I just sat there thinking I should say something or do something, but they just—”

“You were there for her,” Kurt says, trying to calm him down. He can’t help it; he’s still angry. “That’s all that matters.”

“Hey, boys,” Rachel’s voice sounds from off-screen, the sound of a door closing and then she comes into view on his computer screen. She sits down next to Kurt, who throws her a disgruntled side-glance.

“Hey, Rachel,” Blaine says, and can’t supress a smile. Kurt always gets so adorably annoyed whenever Rachel interrupts one of their Skype conversations.

“What are we talking about?” Rachel asks excitedly, but her face grows serious instantly once she remembers what’s been going on in his life. “June? How’s she holding up?”

“She’s—”

“Rachel,” Kurt interrupts, “you know I love you, but you need to stop eavesdropping on every conversation I have. Boundaries.”

“But I’m just worried about June.” Rachel pouts.

Kurt sighs. Blaine takes it as his cue to answer Rachel’s question.

“She spends most of her time writing or studying,” he says. “She doesn’t talk about it.”

“What about Sebastian?” Kurt asks, seemingly accepting that Rachel’s going to be in on this conversation whether he wants it or not. Blaine understands, sometimes he prefers Rachel out of the equation too, but they’ll all be together in New York soon—they’ll find more alone time then. “Does he know?”

“Sebastian?” Rachel asks, perking up slightly. Sometimes Blaine thinks June’s right; Sebastian’s sister Belle is a mini-Berry in the making. “Why are we talking about him?”

“I don’t think he knows,” Blaine answers, ignoring Rachel’s question only because the answer seems so important. To be honest he’s given Sebastian little thought this past week, mostly because June hasn’t mentioned him. He knows she has other things on her mind than waiting for Sebastian to decide something he might never even settle on—he knows he was a big advocate for both of them taking their time, but he really hopes Sebastian isn’t messing with her feelings.

“He should,” Kurt says.

“He told her he needed time to figure things out,” Blaine says. “And I’m not sure she can handle more—I don’t think we should risk it.” He’s still too worried about her emotional state to throw Sebastian in the mix as well—who knows what that would do to her. Then again, maybe she _needs_ Sebastian.

“We _are_ talking about Sebastian Smythe, right?” Rachel asks, clearly confused about where this conversation is going. He guesses she hasn’t listened in on _all_ of Kurt’s conversations then.

Kurt sighs again. “June’s in love with him and he might have feelings for her too.”

Rachel promptly stops commenting and her jaw just about drops to the floor.

There’s a knock on his door, so soft he almost misses it, but June walks into his room moments later. “Your mom wants to know if pizza’s okay for dinner,” she says.

“Yeah, sure,” he answers, but motions for her to come closer. “Come here.”

June walks over and sits down next to him on the bed. “Hey, guys,” she says once she sees he’s talking to Rachel and Kurt, his hand settling at the small of her back.

“June, I want you to know that we’re both here for you no matter what,” Rachel takes over the conversation and even pushes Kurt away from the screen. “In fact, I’m going to put together a care package with skin and hair products and some of my favorite nail polish.”

June chuckles. “Thanks, Rach.”

“And we’re going to have so much fun in New York,” Rachel continues, flashing her 1000-Watt smile. “We could go shopping or get our hair and nails done. And Kurt and Blaine can come with us!”

“Oh yay, we’re invited,” Kurt deadpans, and moves back into view.

“You’ll see, June, everything will be just fine,” Rachel adds, ignoring Kurt’s comment.

June smiles, but it doesn’t quite reach her eyes. She still looks a mess; she might be putting on a brave face but she hasn’t been eating much and he knows she hasn’t been sleeping very well. “How about we give these boys their Skype session back?” she says. She looks at Blaine, who smiles at her lovingly—he wonders if she knows how many Skype sessions he could really stand to miss just to cheer her up.

June kisses his cheek, and as she gets up to leave the room he sees Rachel do the same with Kurt.

“You realize we’re going to be stuck with those two forever,” Kurt asks once they’re alone again.

“Hmm,” Blaine muses and nods. “Would we really want it any other way?”

Kurt scrunches his nose. “Not really.”

“They are our girls, after all,” Blaine says. “For better or worse.”

 

.

( _Here’s where I stand, Here’s who I am_

_Stand up and be counted, I’m counting on you_

_If you’re with me we’ll make it through._ )

.

 

“Hey, those are mine,” June complains when Blaine steals one of her Oreos. She’s curled up in a ball on the sofa next to him, halfway through a viewing of _Midnight In Paris_. He’s lost count of the amount of times they’ve watched this movie in the past two years, but it never loses its magic.

“My house. My rules,” Blaine mumbles, already chewing down half of the cookie.

“My money. My cookies,” June shoots back.

He chuckles, but he’s so many more times grateful for the smile he manages to elicit from June. It took a long time before he made her smile again, but he’s slowly getting there. He knows she still hasn’t processed everything that’s happened to her these past weeks, that could take months or even years— _worse_ , she might never be the same again, but he sure as hell won’t stop trying to cheer her up.

“We should go there one day,” June says, focused on the movie again, and starts fiddling with her necklace.

She’d explained what exactly the infinity sign represented, and he realized quickly he shouldn’t comment on it. He’s not sure how healthy it is for her to hold onto one perfect night she had with Sebastian, when both of them are aware he might never make up his mind. He’s terrified that Sebastian will break her heart. He should probably tell her that, but she’s still so vulnerable right now and he has to remind himself time and time again that she knows Sebastian better than him. But that doesn’t make him any less worried.

“Together,” June adds.

“With Kurt,” he comments fast, hoping June didn’t notice his distraction.

June chuckles. “Of course.”

“Is it really like that?” he asks, watching a magical Paris coming to life on screen.

June bumps shoulders with him, her head settling on his shoulder. “It’s better in real life,” she teases, curling up close to him. He shifts slightly and lets June nuzzle his neck—even though there’s moments he’d much rather have Kurt with him he never flinches away from this intimacy with June—he knows he’s lucky to have someone like her in his life, and he knows she feels the same way. He couldn’t be without Kurt, but he couldn’t live without June either.

“Blaine, there’s someone here to see June,” his father calls from behind them.

He and June sit up and turn their heads in unison—there’s a young man standing next to his father, another one behind him. He feels June get up from the sofa, and when he looks up at her he can tell her face has fallen, a look in her eyes like she can’t believe what she’s seeing.

“J, what’s going on?” Blaine asks, and gets up alongside her. It’s then that he sees the tears in her eyes. He looks back at the young man, the brown hair, matching brown eyes. This can’t be— “June?” he asks again.

“ _John_ ,” June breathes.

Blaine looks back at the man still standing next to his father, the black leather jacket strangely reminding him of Cooper. This is June’s brother? Then the other man has to be—his boyfriend maybe? He’s tall, his blonde hair standing up in spikes, dressed in an identical leather jacket. They’re both carrying motorcycle helmets.

“Hey, sis,” John says, an uncertain smile pulling at his mouth.

June shakes her head—her mind’s reeling, it’s all coming at her at the same time and she can’t process it all fast enough. “What are you doing here?” she asks, voice just above a whisper.

Her brother shrugs. “I went by the house. Heard about what happened.”

_But how_ , June thinks, he only ever comes home for Christmas. Who told him about what happened? Was it Blaine? His parents? Ms Pillsbury or Mr Schuester?

“I thought you could use—” John’s voice trails off, mistaking her silence for disinterest or even anger.

June loops around the couch and rushes towards her brother, falling into his arms. “I’ve missed you so much,” she says, squeezing her eyes shut, holding on tight to make sure this isn’t all a dream, that it’s actually happening and her brother won’t disappear into thin air.

John releases a breath, his arms circling around her torso. “Missed you too, sis.”

June moves back to look at her brother. “I can’t believe you’re here,” she says. “Who—” She looks at Blaine, thinking that maybe he’s responsible for this, because how else would her brother have figured this out _and_ known where she was staying? But Blaine seems just as surprised as her.

“I uh—” John starts, and retrieves a piece of paper from his jacket pocket. “I got this email a few days ago,” he says, handing her the printout.

June only means to scan the page for a name, for some explanation, but then the words really come into view and she finds herself reading the whole thing:

_Dear John,_

_I know you and I don’t know each other and you probably have little care for who I am, but I hope you can bring yourself to read what I have to say. You see, I have had the pleasure of knowing your sister these past two years. I’ll be the first to admit that she’s a handful and probably more trouble than she’s worth—except I’ve gotten to know her and know that the trouble she puts you through is worth the hardship. Because behind those crass words there’s a kind and gentle person who stands up for what she believes in and never backs down._

_I know this might not be the same girl you remember but it’s the young woman she’s grown into. And I know from what she’s told me that much of this is due in part of you. You gave her the strength to make up her own mind, to be brave and make the right choices when needed. I think if you took the chance to get to know her again the two of you might actually get along._

_I’m not pretending to know you, hell, I’m not even pretending to really know June, but I do know she needs you more than ever now._

_I have a lot of reasons to be writing this email, most of which I will spare you, but know this: after just two minutes with your parents I understand why you left. Just know that June is now facing everything you once did and she could use the comfort a big brother can offer. June taught me how to be one to my own sister, so I can only surmise she had one amazing example, even if her eight-year old self might have built you up into a glorified hero. Because that is what you are to her: a hero._

_I won’t blame you if you don’t listen to me; I myself know the scars coming out can leave, what significance a parent’s reaction has over any other, so no, I won’t blame you. June never needs to know you and I had any contact. In fact, either way, I beg you not to tell her, I fear I might never hear the end of it._

_If you do choose to come, she’s staying with a friend, Blaine Anderson, whose address I include here._

_With kind regards,_

_Sebastian Smythe._

June takes a deep breath. _Sebastian_ , she thinks, but can’t form any other coherent thought. Deep down she knows he cares about her, but somehow that had never fully reached the surface. But this—she hasn’t been very fair to him keeping her distance, but she’s had other things on her mind. Only now it’s clear that he’s been looking out for her despite that distance, and it only makes her love him more.

“He—” she chokes out, and clears her throat. “He asked you not to tell,” she says, looking up at her brother.

“When a guy sends an email like this behind your back,” her brother says, casually glancing and smiling at his boyfriend, now standing next to him, “it’s worth knowing about.”

“Sebastian did this?” Blaine takes a step closer, having surmised whom exactly they were talking about. June pushes the letter into his hands, an easier explanation than what she’s capable of right now. Tears are brimming in her eyes again, but she doesn’t want to cry. This is too beautiful to cry over. “June, he—” Blaine says softly. “He really cares about you.”

June nods, fighting her tears.

Blaine suddenly feels bad for thinking so low of Sebastian, because in all this he hadn’t once considered contacting June’s brother. Why not? Maybe he selfishly believed he was more of a brother than John was, but at least Sebastian gave him the benefit of the doubt, or the chance to prove himself.

He’s been so wrong about Sebastian all along. Sebastian deserves the benefit of the doubt as well.

 

.

( _Here’s where I stand,_

_Love me, love me, love me and we’ll make it through_

_Here’s where I stand_

_I’m counting, I’m counting, I’m counting on you._ )

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> References:
> 
> o1. soundtrack: Camp OST; Here's Who I Am


	21. Nationals

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> June apologizes to Sebastian for ignoring him for so long, and the Warblers head to Nationals.

She's only ever seen Dalton on the inside that time the Warblers invited the New Directions so they could show off their Michael Jackson moves. Sebastian had sung them  _I Want You Back_ , shamelessly flirting with an almost helpless Blaine. She'd been impressed by Sebastian's dance moves, his candid openness towards Blaine, and could even forgive the blatant flirting in front of Kurt – Blaine would never have given in, his relationship with Kurt far too important to him, and she thought it brave of Sebastian to keep going with Kurt just about ready to start strangling him.

She remembers the conversation she had with Blaine after the first Jackson-off, about him being so affected by Sebastian, only they both knew that what he had with Kurt was deeper and more real than anything he could have with Sebastian. Maybe she's wrong to expect that from Sebastian now, to think he's changed or expect more because she knows him better. But then deep down she knows both her and Blaine had misjudged him from the start. Not that Sebastian didn't have a hand in that himself.

They've all come a long way: Sebastian had seen the error of his ways, Blaine had gotten over whatever it was he felt for Sebastian, and she, well, she'd fallen in love with someone who wasn't only – firstly –  _a guy_ , but a  _gay_   _guy_ who seemed to like her back.

A guy she hadn't been treating fair at all. That’s why she finds herself roaming the hallways of Dalton now. She needs to apologize to Sebastian for ignoring him for so long. She’d gotten caught up in the intricacies of her own life, which were admittedly thought-consuming, but somehow she’d forgotten Sebastian had become a big part of that life as well.

It’s been almost three weeks, finals are over and even at Dalton a strange rest has fallen over everyone.

The only thing that remains unchanged is the dulcet sounds of a dozen or so male voices accompanying Dalton life like background music. The Warblers were undoubtedly still practising hard for Nationals, which was only two weeks away. But when she finds the Warblers in their usual haunt, the common room, Sebastian's nowhere in sight, and the rest of them are just riffing random lines.

They fall silent once they spot her.

June puts her hands up in surrender. "I’m not here to spy."

This gets a laugh or a smile out of most of them. She's not exactly their competition anymore.

"Sebastian's in the library," Nick says.

June wonders how many of them realize that she's there to see Sebastian—she's fairly certain he doesn't talk to them about her, but they can't be completely ignorant about some of the things going on between them. Unless he hides whatever feelings he does have for her as well from them as he does from her. What if he doesn't cherish any feelings for her at all?

"Thanks," June says, hoping to distract herself from her thoughts. She'd promised Sebastian time and space to process everything; she'd respect that.  

She hesitates in the doorway. "Have you guys ever considered doing original songs?" she asks.

Eyes all across the room go wide in surprise, and she can tell more than one of them considers it.

"We couldn't possibly!" Thad exclaims, which leads to someone else shouting "Yes, we can!" until they're all talking at once.  

June smiles to herself: it's nice to know that at the end of the day most Glee clubs are somewhat the same.

She leaves the Warblers to their discussion and sets out to look for Sebastian. She's surprised he hasn't shown up on Blaine's doorstep yet, but maybe that's exactly the kind of wishful thinking she has to give up—he told her he needed time, and she knows there's a possibility that he'll turn her down, so why should she expect even more from him? But she knows the answer to that question. She expects more because he's shown her more, he contacted her brother, wrote that beautiful email. She's stopped doubting his care for her—but what about his heart?

As she was informed, Sebastian's in the library, otherwise completely empty, seated at a table filled with songbooks. June figures the Warblers are still trying to settle on their song choices. No wonder the mention of original songs somewhat freaked them out.

Sebastian doesn't notice her until she places two cups of Lima Bean coffee on the table, sliding the one with the shot of Courvoisier towards him across the table.

“Hey,” he breathes out in his surprise, sits up straighter, eyes following her until she’s sat down.

He can hardly believe she's here—there's some part of him that thought it was really her turn to make a concession, she's the one that should step up and make an effort this time around, only after everything she's been through he's just happy to see her standing.

"You look terrible," he still jokes, because that's what they do. He doesn’t know how to do this, how to talk to her with all this extra baggage between them—except that makes it sound like a burden and it shouldn’t be. He should’ve learned how to communicate these kinds of feelings a long time ago, but he was never taught how to. He hopes she knows that, that she’s clever enough to read his jokes for what they are.

Only he's not sure he knows what they are.

"Good," June says. "Because I still feel terrible half the time."

His anger hasn't dissipated, he still gets shaky when he thinks about June's parents and how they threw her out as if she was something disposable. It still makes him sick to his stomach thinking about how June must have felt, having her worst nightmares come true.

He can't help but wonder why she's here though, why she came all the way to Dalton to find him. It can’t just be to bring him coffee or to catch up. She doesn't need him like she needs Blaine, he thinks, and he doesn't want her to apologize. So, why?

It only hits him then. Did her brother come? Did he show her the email?

"Living with Blaine can't be beneficial for you," he says before June gets the chance to. He doesn't want her gratitude, not for something that should've been self-evident—John was her brother and he went through the same thing—he might be the only one who can really get her through this. Surely Blaine realized this too. There's a reason he'd asked John to keep quiet about his involvement; it shouldn't be what convinces June he actually cares.

He hopes she already knows that.

"Living with Blaine suits me just fine," June says and he averts his eyes. He hates how he can see it in her eyes, something new and loving, and he wonders if maybe he just never noticed it before. After all, she fell in love with him in Paris and it took him quite a bit longer to realize his own feelings. But he thinks he knows now.

"I mean—" he starts, planning to fall back into one of their familiar patterns, but then June's hand settles down on his, no doubt in an attempt to silence him.  

It works.

"Sebastian," June says.

"You don’t have to—" He shakes his head, voice trailing off. She has to know, he thinks, there's little he wouldn't do for her now. Maybe it's time he tells her that.

"I know we don't do this," June says. He finds her eyes again, "but  _thank you_."

He feels a smile tug at the corner of his mouth. "He came then?" he asks, feeling a sense of pride over his accomplishment. He stares down at their hands, still touching, and runs his thumb over June's skin. No, he's really not for all the schmoopiness, but he's sure he can learn to appreciate it. He imagines there's a lot of things he still has to learn.

" _With_  his boyfriend."

He chuckles. He wants to tease with a subtle 'your parents would love that,' but he's not sure what the mention of her parents will do. "I told him not to tell you," he says instead.

June shrugs. "It wasn't hard to figure out," she lies. She hasn't exactly figured out why Sebastian didn't want her to know. She's fairly certain she's not  _that_  obnoxious, and it was one of the most meaningful things anyone had ever done for her. It showed her he cared. But deep down she thinks she already knew that.

The chatter of male voices fills up the hallway and the Warblers pour into the common room.  

Sebastian pulls back his hand.

He doesn't know why.

"Sebastian," Trent's the one to speak for everyone. "We’ve been thinking," he says. "June suggested we might do original songs for Nationals."

Sebastian looks at June, eyebrows pulling up in surprise. "Did she now?"

June shrugs apologetically, attempting to hide behind her cup of coffee.

"We’re up against a lot of great show choirs," Trent says. "Most of them are mixed groups. Including Vocal Adrenaline. We need a bigger advantage."

Every Warbler in the room – except for Sebastian – puts on his best puppy dog look. June can barely stifle a smile.

"All of you agree on this?" Sebastian asks.

The whole group nods fast.

If at all possible, June's eyes spell out 'oops' when Sebastian looks at her again.

He smiles, then nods. "Then in true Warbler fashion, it will be so."

June thinks it's remarkable how much Sebastian has changed these past two years. He transferred to Dalton and took control of the Warblers, thinking he'd make them do what he wanted and lead them to a Nationals victory. But that had proved difficult, and the boy who was used to getting what he wanted was taken down a notch or two.

But he'd learned and won back their respect, and now he was more than just their leader. He was their friend.

"If you were only interested in me just so you could stage a coup you could’ve just said," Sebastian says once the Warblers have left again.

June smiles, chin resting in the palm of her hand. "But where would’ve been the fun in that?" she says, happy to know she hasn't ruined anything between them by ignoring him all this time.

They both laugh, and it feels freeing, to just laugh and joke around and forget about all the seriousness in her life for a few moments, but she still wants to say what she came here to say. He deserves that much from her. Especially after what he did. "I’m sorry I avoided you."

"Don’t be," Sebastian answers, and somehow makes it sound both playful and serious. "I wouldn’t want me around either."

“That wasn’t it,” June says, and wonders exactly how much she’d hurt Sebastian by cutting him out of her life. But it wasn’t his fault, not because she thought he wouldn’t want to be there for her or he’d be emotionally unavailable—if he'd been there instead of Blaine she would've clung to him too. But would she have still called Blaine as well? She can't imagine a scenario without Blaine by her side. It doesn't matter. "I guess I just didn’t want you to see me like that. Or like this."

Sebastian frowns.  

This is it, he thinks, this is how a relationship will change things, she’ll hide whatever she doesn’t want him to see so as not to scare him away, but he won’t stand for that. If he’s going to do this he wants all of her, the good and the bad and everything in between. He still hasn’t defined it, these feelings he has for her, but maybe that doesn’t really matter. Not yet. They’ve both already thrown the labels overboard.

"I was joking," he says, regretting his previous cavalier statement. "You look fine."

“Liar." June chuckles. She knows she looks how she feels; she's still not sleeping very well, constant worry keeping her awake at night, the future somehow more uncertain than it was before. Sure, she'd thought past this point, she wanted to head to college more than anything, but then what? She'll need to get a job to pay for things her scholarship doesn't cover and somehow combine that with trying to get a college degree. She knows she can do it, but the rampant thoughts still prevent her from sleeping.

"How did you find out?" June asks. She doesn't think Blaine told him, in fact, Blaine had seemed content that for once there was no mention of Sebastian in their lives—something tells her that changed once he read the email.

"I went by your house," Sebastian answers, and almost adds 'at Belle's request', but it was his idea before it was his sister's. He had to talk to her, he had to see her—he couldn't take the silence. "I almost punched your dad."

June smiles at him. "My hero," she says, and  _damn_ , he thinks, she's already back to flirting with him. This has to be a good sign. She's strong, she'll be okay.

"I’m really sorry about what happened," he blurts out, because he needs her to know, without a doubt, that it's more than just anger that drove him to write that email. By the time he'd finally found John's email address it was 2 in the morning and all he could think of was how badly he needed her brother to hear him.

June casts down her eyes.

Now he's done it.

"It wasn’t your fault,” she says without looking up at him.

And there it is again. She's hiding from him, like she once did in Rome, like she's been doing for _three whole weeks_. She pulls back whenever it suits her or whenever she thinks he couldn't be bothered, or when she feels shame over something her parents instilled her with. He wonders if she ever does that in front of Blaine. He wonders if it's possible that he's jealous of what Blaine has with her, something far less complicated than what he told her he'd figure out.

"Hey, if they can’t see what a great— _person_  you are," he almost trips over his words – just like her it doesn't happen to him too often, "then—then they don’t deserve to have you around."  

June looks up at him again, and smiles, not poking fun or teasing, just accepting his words. He clears his throat. How does he tell her this? How should he tell he just wants to take the plunge, dive head first into something that could end up badly? He doesn't know the words to say it, and June's speaking again before he manages to figure them out. 

"I have to go," she says. "Dinner with the Andersons." She gets up from her seat. "I’ll see you around?"

He doesn't grin like he usually would, he doesn't even smile. He has a lot to think about. "You bet," he answers.

 

#

 

He’s on his third cup of coffee of the morning by the time he sees June enter the Lima Bean. The Warblers have been working on their original songs day in day out for an entire week and he’s completely pumped—he’s a mixture of nerves and stress and excitement. It’s exhilarating, really, the rush leading up to a competition, the initial chaos slowly making its way into something more coherent, a whole, until their musical numbers reached perfection.

He thinks it's because the caffeine is making him more alert and aware of his surroundings that his eyes follow June across the room, studying her from behind while she waits in line, checking her phone, brushing back her bangs,  _slouching_ —she can so easily be mistaken for an average teenage girl, worried about boys and make-up—no one would think she'd gone through such horrors the past few weeks.

There's a huge part of him that wants to protect her from all that, from her parents and people like them, from heartache and pain. Is that what being in love feels like? Or is that only caring? Is there a difference?

"Good morning, Mr Smythe," June says as soon as she makes her way over, and settles down at his table without waiting for an invitation.

He grins, probably wider than he ever has. “Miss June.”

He looks around the coffee shop. “And where is Mr Anderson?” he asks, but he realizes the answer is ‘Kurt’ before June has to say it. He never honestly believed Blaine and Kurt would last very long, both far too naïve to keep a relationship alive, but then what does he know? Maybe there’s more to both of them than he gives them credit for. Maybe there's hope for him and June. “They’re going to be bored with each other before they even live together."

"I don’t know." June shrugs. "From what I hear New York’s a pretty exciting city."

"I suppose you’ll find out soon enough." He smiles, even though the thought of her being so far away very soon makes him sad all of a sudden. "Why aren’t you with your brother?" he asks to keep the thoughts at bay. He shakes his head, blinks, almost literally feeling the caffeine rush to his head.

"How many of these have you had?" June asks and points at the three empty coffee cups on the table. Nationals are only a week away and he really needs his focus. The original songs the Warblers wrote are amazing, but he’s going to keep practicing until the very last minute.

" _Enough_ ," he answers, but he's already planning a fourth.

"John went back home," June says. "He’s a teacher, there’s only so many days he could take off."

There's a short silence, a comfortable one, June still checking her phone and he just stares at her. He wants to try this, a relationship, with the only girl he's ever been this comfortable with, the only girl he's ever had feelings for—and he'll tell her. After Nationals.

"How far do you reckon Harvard is from Columbia?" he asks, blurts it out because it's been right at the tip of his tongue since she walked through the door. Since he got the letter, really.

June looks up, her eyes narrowing on his face. "Probably a few hours," she answers. "Why?"

"208 miles," Sebastian says, and can't control the smile that breaks out across his face.

"You got into Harvard!" June realizes, and her eyes go wide, her smile lighting up her eyes. "Oh my God, Sebastian, congratulations!"  

Sebastian shrugs but can't contain the corners of his mouth; it's not really that big a deal—his grades and his father's influence had pretty much assured him a spot since birth—but June's enthusiasm about college in general had encouraged some excitement of his own. After all,  _birth right_  or not, he'd be far away from his father and his stepmother. This is sort of a new start for him too. Maybe that's why it feels so _right_ now, they're both starting anew somewhere else, far from anyone's prying eyes, if you didn't count Blaine or Kurt. Or Rachel.

"You’re going through with it then?" June asks. "Doing what your father wants you to do?"

"Doesn’t sound like me, does it?" he says, and grins. "I don’t know what else I’d do. Might as well do something right."

June can tell it makes him sad, not knowing what he wants from the future, but she doesn't pursue it because it seems too serious a topic when all she wants to do is be happy for him. "208 miles, hu?" she asks. That's quite a distance for two people who don't even know what's going on between them.

"Not completely insurmountable," Sebastian says, knowing he's implying so much more. Even if they won't pursue a relationship he still wants her in his life. Is that selfish?

June giggles. "Maybe we could find a coffee shop in the middle."

 

#

 

The Warblers draw last position at Nationals, which makes more than one of them jumpy. June has figured out that the uniforms work deceiving—it makes them appear united and composed, but it's like she realized at Dalton two weeks ago: all Glee clubs are the same. So naturally their nerves were the same too. The school provides a bus with all the luxuries to get them to Chicago, and somehow Sebastian manages to convince the administrations office to take Blaine and June with them—June suspects it has something to do with his father's influence.  

But the bus ride is completely silent. There's hushed whispers now and again but it seems they're all sparing their vocal cords until they've reached their destination. Blaine's nervously rubbing his hands together the whole time and even June has to admit some excited nerves are keeping her quiet as well.

So they all sit in silence, staring out the window, listening to the bus’ engines roar, some nervous laughter here or there.

"Why are you shaking?" Blaine asks as Vocal Adrenaline leaves the stage. The Warblers are up next, the very last performers of the day. "You’re not even performing."

"Are you telling me you’re not the least bit nervous?" June says. "You can’t fool me, I know you still love these guys."

Blaine chuckles. "I can’t believe they’re doing original songs," he says, almost bouncing in his seat.

"Breathe, Obi-Wan. All will be well."

But they have little to worry about. The other choirs were good, they were _really_  good, but the Warblers are magnificent. The thought and care they put into their original lyrics, vocals, background vocals and harmonies, combined with their usual impeccable choreography makes for three show stoppers that has the audience out of their seats the moment Sebastian hits the first chorus. June's always loved watching Sebastian perform, there's something entirely unguarded about him on a stage, singing, dancing, he doesn't hold back or hide—he loves this, it makes him happy, and it shows.

June and Blaine find the Warblers in the main hall after the competition, huddled close together, discussing their performance. Trent walks straight up to Blaine. "What did you think?" he asks, eyes wide in terror.

"Were we good enough?" Nick joins him, then stares at the ground as he shakes his head. "I totally messed up one of the moves in the second number."

"I’m going to be sick," another Warbler says.

"Guys, relax," Blaine hushes, and all the Warblers turn to him. It's very clear they still value his opinion greatly, because he gets all of them to listen at once. "You gave it everything you had. Now all you can do is wait for the result."

"Blaine’s right," Sebastian chimes in, all heads turning to look at him – they look to him as their leader. "We’re here. We rocked," he says. "Whatever happens, we did it as a team and we had fun."

Jeff leans an arm up Sebastian's shoulder. "Though winning would sure be nice, wouldn’t it, Bas?" he says, and raises his fist.  

Sebastian laughs and bumps his own fist against Jeff's. "So true."

He looks up and searches for June, but she and Blaine are not hard to find in the flurry of blue blazers. She seems happy, laughing and chatting with Blaine and Nick—he's grateful she's able to forget from time to time, to just be with friends and not remember what her parents did, what he's yet to tell her or any other worries that might keep her up at night.

They lock eyes and she smiles at him—he can't but smile back. She says something to Blaine, he nods, and she wanders over to him. "That was very democratic of you— _Bas_ ," June says, both of them now standing out of earshot of all the other Warblers.

"Please, don’t call me that." Sebastian almost visibly cringes. "I’m going to be ecstatic once Belle starts saying my name in full."

"No nicknames then?" June teases and looks up at him. "Bas, Seb—Sebby?"

Something in Sebastian's eyes mellows as he looks down at her, and June feels something in the pit of her stomach melt. She's not sure how much longer she can take this uncertainty between them—before long not-knowing is going to start hurting too. And if he decides it won't work, it's probably best if they don't see each other for a while. 208 miles is probably far enough for heartbreak to heal.

"Sebastian works just fine," he answers, shaking June back to reality.

"Are you nervous?" June asks, watching Sebastian shift his weight from one foot to the other.

"Hell yeah, I’m nervous," he says. "Forget about being democratic, I want to win. Or at least place in the top three."

It's another hour before the judges release the ranking. The main hall is filled with most of the show choirs that performed, and their audience. By the time the list is placed at the entrance of the auditorium a crowd has gathered around the bulletin board, making it impossible for any of the Warblers to get to the front. They hear cheers and sighs of disappointment, but so far they haven't heard from any winners.

In the end Sebastian orders Thad to weave through the crowd because he's the shortest.

"I can't stand this," Blaine complains, standing next to June behind the Warblers—it's their competition and they don't want to get in the way.

It takes Thad a full ten minutes to check the rankings and push his way back through the crowd. He resurfaces slowly, comes up to them, head bowed solemnly. Blaine and June feel their hearts sink to their stomachs—the Warblers react much the same way, a collective sigh spreading through the group.

Only then Thad throws up his arms.

"We placed second!" he screams, attracting attention from the entire hall, but he doesn't care. All his friends look up, confused at first, because for a split second there they'd resigned themselves to defeat.

"What?" Sebastian asks.

Thad beams. "We placed second, man."

"You—" Sebastian crunches his nose and grabs Thad in a headlock, but the joy in his face is unmistakable. _They did it_ , he thinks, _they actually did it_. He succeeded where everyone, including some of his fellow Warblers and his father, thought he'd fail. But he showed them. He was wrong last year, resorting to tactics unbefitting the school, the Warblers or even himself. It's been so long since something he's worked so hard for has paid off.

The Warblers are cheering around him, jumping up and down, hugging and shaking hands and shouting at each other. He searches for June in the crowd again—she's hugging Blaine and smiling, and it's only then that he feels his own face has broken out in a huge smile, his heart beating fast in his chest. This is it, as confident as he'll ever be, as  _certain_  as he'll ever be about anything—it's remarkable how much clarity performing grants him time and time again, and he thinks maybe he's destined to do this forever. Maybe that's his dream.

June lets go of Blaine and Blaine moves on to congratulating his former team, and his heart rejoices when June's first thought is looking for him in the crowd too. She's beaming at him, much like he is at her, and it pulls him closer,  _closer_ , until the distance between them is no longer and he's thrown his arms around her in a moment of complete surrender.

"Congrats, Smythe." There's the sound of a smile in her voice. "I'm proud of you."

It's only then that he realizes they've never hugged before. They've kissed, twice, but somehow a hug feels so much more intimate. He pulls back, as does June, probably thinking the same thing. But he stares down at her, not relinquishing an inch of space between them and he can't bring himself to release her eyes.

This is it, Sebastian thinks, what's holding him back now? Then again, what was holding him back before? It's fear, there's some part of him that thinks he'll mess up and hurt her and lose her completely. That's what people expect from him, his father mostly, but he knows Blaine thinks it too, that he'll screw up, that he doesn't deserve her. And people's expectations have become his deepest fears, the things that pull him back, the things that  _make him_  hurt people—somewhere, at some point, it's other people that turned him self-destructive.  

Maybe he shouldn't tell June, maybe he shouldn't even bother trying if it's already doomed, but the fact that she has feelings for him, that she's  _in love_  with him, that has to mean something. Maybe that'll be strong enough for him to overcome his fears. All he wants is make her happy and keep her safe, let her in like he's been doing all along. Because he knows now. He is in love with her.

"Are you sure this is what you want?" Sebastian asks, and he can't figure out why he's already giving her an out. He stares down into June's eyes, the distance between them minimal, her lips only inches away from his. Yes, this is what he wants, even if it's doomed to fail, even if it doesn't work, they owe it to themselves to try.

June nods almost imperceptibly. "Yes,” she breathes.

And that's all he needs to hear.

He draws a hand up to the back of her neck, the other at her waist, but whatever chaotic urge that had controlled him all the other times slows him down now. He bumps his nose against hers, she breathes in sharply and parts her lips for him, and then he presses an open-mouthed kiss to her lips, feeling her entire body melt against his, her hands clutching at his blazer at the small of his back.

He kisses her slow and deep, tongue gaining lazy access to her mouth and he savors it, every taste and flicker of her tongue, every little sound she makes, every curve of her tangible against his body, new and unfamiliar territory in every possible way.

She's sure she's flying, it's the only thing that explains the feeling of complete weightlessness right now. Somehow her heart manages to stay calm, even though her skin's warm, flushing in all the places Sebastian's touching her and she can feel him, all solid and flat chest and hot tongue. She's been kissed like this before, controlled and slow,  _deliberate_ , but it's still different every time—it's exciting and flammable and such an incredible turn-on. And the first time with a boy.

It's only when Sebastian breaks away, staring down into her eyes again and smiling, both of them breathless, that her surroundings come into play again. She doesn't know if Sebastian meant to prove something to her, show her that he's not embarrassed to be seen with her. All the Warblers and Blaine are staring at them and all he has eyes for is her. 

She smiles shyly and bites her lip. "Everyone’s staring at us."

Sebastian runs a thumb over her lip, effectively freeing it from her teeth. "I don’t care," he says, and presses another kiss to her lips.

 

#

 

Blaine doesn't know why, but he's angry. There's a big part of him that fears for June and what she's getting herself into with Sebastian. He knows her feelings for him have been there a long while, long before her parents kicked her out and drew this new wound across her heart, but he can't help but think she's throwing herself into a relationship with Sebastian just because she needs something in her life she feels is missing. He shouldn't think it, but he's afraid June's just grasping onto the first thing she saw without thinking about the consequences.

And Sebastian's only making it worse. It makes him feel like the worst friend in the world, thinking June can't take care of herself, isn't strong enough to handle everything life's dealt her. He's long since realized that when it comes to Sebastian, there'll always be mixed feelings.

"Are you sure you know what you’re doing?" Blaine asks, looking back at June sleeping in the seat behind him. They're back on the bus on their way home.

Sebastian follows Blaine's gaze. "I think for the first time in my life I have no idea what I’m doing, killer," he answers, and Blaine's shocked to hear the sincerity in his voice.

Does Sebastian love her? He already knew he liked her, they'd had that conversation months ago, but that didn't mean he was in love. June had given him time and space and to be honest, Blaine had already given up on granting Sebastian the benefit of the doubt.

But then there was that email, which showed such care, maybe love even. He wonders if his reluctance to accept Sebastian in June's life has something to do with the feelings he once cherished for Sebastian. Are those feelings really gone? Does some primal urge in him want Sebastian for himself?

No, Blaine thinks, he just doesn't want to see June get her heart broken. He wants her to be happy. But is Sebastian really the guy to give her happiness? Can he commit to a relationship with her when he has no experience? Something like that can never last. Then again, what did he know about relationships before dating Kurt?

"I’m not stealing her from you," Sebastian adds.

Blaine chuckles, something real breaking through to the surface. "I’d like to see you try."

 

#

 

It’s curious how it pulls at him. How a single text from June ( _where are you? already waiting in line. you don’t want the Courvoisier to get cold_ ) makes him smile and there’s this strange tug in his chest where he supposes his heart is.

He’s been in love before, but it’s been so long since he’s had the privilege of having those feelings returned. He’d dealt with unreciprocated feelings up to the point where the hassle of them became too much and he dispensed with them altogether. Instead he settled for—and started preferring—meaningless flings with faceless guys in any club he could find. And who could blame him? He’s a healthy guy, good-looking and has his urges. Why wouldn’t he be allowed to act out on them when straight guys did the same all the time?

There were rare moments where he wanted more, when the look in someone’s eyes woke something deep and sentimental inside him, almost like his heart was making sure he knew he was still capable of it. He was grateful for those moments. But every time he’d opened himself up to that he’d gotten hurt. It’s ironic it should be that fear of doing the same to June that’s feeding his greatest doubts.

Sebastian stalks up behind her. “This’ll never work, you know," he says, voice low in her ear.

June reels around and looks up at him. She contemplates his words for a few moments, a smile slowly sliding to the corner of her mouth. “Probably not," she says.

“Then again," –he shrugs– "I’ve never dated a girl."

June arches an eyebrow. “Have you ever  _dated_ , period?"

His eyes narrow on her face. “Is this how you want to start off our relationship, Wilder?" he asks. "Because two can play that game.”

For a split second he's convinced he's ruined it, that a deeper relationship no longer warrants joking or teasing, but can only have room for serious conversation. Only he doesn't know what ever gave him that idea.

June smiles. "If you can't take the heat, Smythe—"

"What? Don't stand too close to the fire?" he interrupts, taking a step closer, mentally kicking himself for already letting his insecurities get to him. He decides there and then it won't happen again. He's going to see where this goes, where it takes him and June. If it doesn't work out, that's okay, because at least they'll have tried. But for the time being he loves how he feels around her. "Screw that," he adds, leans in, and presses a kiss to her lips.

June startles for a moment, but raises her arms to wrap around his neck, pulling him in closer. It still scares him how much he wants this, how badly he wants to surrender to this, be the person he wants to be, for himself and for June. But he can. He knows he can.

He's very much aware that a lot of people in the coffee shop are staring at them. Considering both him and June are regulars here they must have their questions.

June pulls back first, trying to catch her breath. She giggles and shakes her head. "This'll never work."

He smiles down at her, arms around her waist. "I know," he says.  

It's doomed to fail, really, what do either of them know about dating the opposite sex?

But he thinks they'll just go ahead and try anyway.


	22. Long Shot

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> June and Sebastian finally seem to have worked some things out, but what do the New Directions think about all this?

"Artie, dude," Sam says, making his way to the school with Artie, Tina and Brittany. "We've been rehearsing for months. We've got this."

"It's two more days until opening night," Artie says. "We need to run through it at least one more time."

Tina smiles to herself; it feels like  _West Side Story_  all over again, Artie doubting every directorial choice he made, but this time around she can't really blame him. The school musical was scheduled months ago, and now graduation is right around the corner and they have yet to put it on. Whatever money they make will probably go to next year's Glee club budget.

"Hey, check it out," Sam says, more than a way to weasel his way out of this conversation, Tina guesses. All four of them turn their heads, watching June get out of Sebastian's car—June had told her earlier this week she felt guilty asking Blaine to lend her gas money all the time, so Sebastian had offered to drive her to school. Tina thought it was sweet.

Artie crosses his arms over his chest. "I still don't trust that guy."

"Why?" Tina asks. "He hasn't tried anything for almost two years."

In a lot of ways Tina agreed with June—she was smart enough to pick her own friends. June had gotten to know Sebastian in Paris and over the course of the school year they'd grown closer together. Who were they to voice their opinions on someone they haven't taken the time to know? And judging by how he was helping her out now that she needed help more than ever, how could she not admire that?

"How about him kissing Blaine against his will?" Sam asks, but all of them are still staring at Sebastian and June, who seem to be wrapped up in an interesting conversation, because they're both laughing and June playfully hits him in the shoulder.

Sam shakes his head. "I'll never understand what anyone could see in that guy."

"June and him are friends," Tina says, feeling uncomfortable discussing this behind June's back while actively staring at her too. "Nothing—" but then they all see Sebastian lean in and June isn't moving and they're  _kissing_.  

"Oh my God!" Artie exclaims.

Tina's eyes go wide. "He's kissing her!"

Sam jaw drops. "She's kissing him back!"

"Wanky." Brittany smiles, channeling her girlfriend's usual response.

"Hey guys," Blaine joins his friends at the school entrance, but none of them respond. He follows their gazes towards the parking lot.  _Oh_ , he thinks. He's still not used to seeing Sebastian and June together.

"You have nothing to say about this?" Artie looks up at Blaine. "The son of Lucifer has his tongue down your best friend's throat!"

"Yeah, I guess you guys don't know yet," Blaine says. They all turn their heads to look at him. "They're dating."

Much to her own surprise, Tina feels a smile tug at her mouth. It's no secret between her and June that June has feelings for Sebastian, that much was obvious when she asked June about her new necklace and June had explained exactly what it meant. Good for her, Tina thinks, she deserves a little happiness in her life.

"Get  _out_ ," Artie says.

Sam frowns. "That doesn't make any sense."

Blaine shrugs. "It only has to make sense to them," he says, and in that moment he realizes he has to let this go. He'll always be protective of June because she's his best friend and he loves her, but he doesn't know what she's feeling and he never will. He trusts she knows what she's doing.

"So you're okay with this," Artie says.

Blaine raises his hands in surrender. "Not my place," he says, and makes his way into the school. No, it's not his place, even though June would probably listen to him. Kurt had told him that maybe he was just scared of losing her, she became his best friend long before Kurt even left for New York but she's been a constant in his life that he needed. It took him time to be accepted in the New Directions because he used to be a Warbler, and if you could believe Finn even his 'talent' had stood in the way of deeper friendships. But June never treated him like that, probably because she was new as well, but it was refreshing.

She considered him a brother, never judged him, always listened and always supportive. And he'd clung to her, the way she'd clung to him. But now there's Sebastian, and her brother is in her life again, so what would she need him for? After all, wasn't he just a substitute for the real thing?

"You know I could drive you to school too," he says once June joins him by his locker. Her eyes are dreamy and he has to stifle a grin—he's never seen her like this, and after everything that's happened, well, he couldn’t be anything but happy for her. He knows that he makes her happy too, but there's a little voice inside him that's jealous of the power Sebastian now has.

"I have less problems taking Sebastian's money than I do yours," June answers, then smiles at him, tipping her head playfully.

He chuckles, because after everything she's still his best friend and she has this way with him.

"You know this doesn't change anything between us, right?" June asks, picking up on his train of thought so astutely that it makes him wonder why he ever started doubting anything in the first place. She reads him like no one else ever has. Not even Kurt. "I know with my brother showing up and now Sebastian—" her voice trails off, and the guilt he can see in her eyes breaks his heart.

"Don't worry," he says, doing his best to sound playful as well. "You're still my Jedi Knight."

June doesn't release his eyes, nor does she smile. "You're my soulmate, Blaine," she says, eyes watery and serious now, as if she’s never needed him to hear anything louder than this.

"That's—" He stares down at his feet, but smiles. Of course he knows that, they're  _soul mates_ , they can tell each other everything, knowing the other will just sit and listen, or the exact opposite. Sometimes they'll have to tell each other the cold-hard truth, but it won't hurt because they'll need to hear it. 

He looks up, meeting her eyes. “I do know that,” he says.

June smiles and takes a step closer, taking one of his hands in hers. "I love you, Obi-Wan. Always will."

Blaine pulls her close and wraps his arms around her. "Me too, Skywalker," he mumbles. "Me too."

 

#

 

Public schools actually do smell— there's the collection of dumpsters waiting for pick-up right where the buses are located, there's the  _buses_  that have their own unique putrid smell, and of course the exhaust fumes that accumulate as the school day comes to an end. Unfortunately it's too hot to wait in his car.

So he’s leaning back against his car, waiting for June to come out of rehearsals, knowing she’ll take her time saying goodbye to Blaine and the rest of her friends, even though she’ll see Blaine when she gets home tonight. He doesn’t mind waiting, he keeps busy enough, spying on the other students pouring out of the school, smiling at the faces he recognizes from Scandals and enjoying how they hurry away fast before he can give them away. Not that he ever would.

The downside of waiting by his car, however, other than the smell, is that he’s left himself wide open to be approached. And June’s friends don’t disappoint. He’s been waiting for ten minutes when the blond and the kid in the wheelchair make their way over to him.

"Hey, wheels," he says, smirking down at Artie. "Lips," he says as he raises his head to look at Sam.

"Let's get down to business, Smythe," Artie says. "We are not okay with whatever you've got going on with our girl June." Sam shakes his head for emphasis. "You are no good and we all know it."

Sebastian swallows hard—he should have known this would come sooner or later, June's friends' dislike of him has never been a secret and he knows in many ways he's to blame. He might've won over some of the girls, like Sugar and Tina and even sophomore Kay, but Artie's always had it in for him. He suspects some of that's partially because he had feelings for June. He asked her to prom, after all. 

But he can't do this with them now, he's not going to apologize for his mistakes because they won't listen anyway, but he won't apologize for giving into his feelings either. "I'm not here to pick a fight," he says.

"What are you planning, Sebastian?" Artie asks, eyes burning into him from behind his glasses. "Because you sure as hell aren't in love with her."

"That a fact?" Sebastian asks, curious to know how either of them could possibly know that. They don't know him, and he doesn't know them.

"First you go after Blaine, and now June?" Sam decides to have a say as well. "If you hurt her, there'll be hell to pay."

He's about to say he has no intention of hurting her, where do they even get off on doing this behind her back? June can take care of herself, she doesn't need anyone to tell her who to date or who to be, so what makes them think they can tell him? Why would he intentionally hurt her? What could he possibly still be planning so close to graduation?

But before he can say anything, Joe joins them as well. "Hey guys, what's going on?" Joe asks, sauntering over to them his calm and composed self.

"Just telling Darth Vader over here he'd do well to stay away from June," Sam answers.

"Whoa, dudes, not cool." Joe reels back. "June's smart enough to know what she's doing."

Sebastian doesn't want to think it, but Joe's a pretty cool guy. He's certain now there was never anything between Joe and June, or at the very least that his jealousy had been unwarranted.

"Whatever," Artie says, still glaring up at him, but Sam and him leave a few moments later.

Sebastian turns to Joe. "Thanks," he says. "You didn't need to do that."

Joe shrugs. "June thinks you're cool," he says. "So I got your back." Joe backs away from him, clearly wondering if he should say something else. In the end, Joe says what Blaine had implied on the bus home from Nationals. "Just don't break her heart."

He knows he's made mistakes, he knows the New Directions have every right to treat him this way, but when has he ever given any of them any reason to think he'd stoop so low? Why would anyone intentionally break someone's heart? He might be a player, but that's not synonymous with heartbreaker. He's not sure he could stand to break June's heart without hurting his own.

"Hey." June finally makes it out of the school. Blaine waves at him from the entrance, and he raises a hand to greet him back. Joe’s already left. "Were you talking to Artie and Sam?" June asks, hugging her signature notebook close to her chest.

"They wanted to congratulate me on placing second at Nationals," he lies, because he doesn't want to be the cause of a fight within the Glee club again. They can't afford that with the musical this weekend.

But June arches an eyebrow—he knew he'd never fool her completely. "Did they now?"

He leans in and presses a quick kiss to her lips. "Don't worry about it," he says.

June eyes him for another moment, but decides to drop it. He guesses she doesn't want another fight either. Or maybe she'd rather not know what her friends accused him of this time.

 

#

 

The school musical—as expected by everyone but Artie—goes off without a hitch. Everyone hits their cues, no one gets hurt and the one or two times someone messes up a line, the audience doesn't seem to notice. Even Brittany, who never managed to get all her lines during rehearsals, surprises everyone by being the only one to get all her lines right. Santana cheers loudest of all last year’s seniors, all of them louder than the rest of the audience combined.

Sebastian doesn’t cheer, only claps; he’d already gotten a few side-glances from the New Directions and former members, questioning his presence, but he guesses someone must have explained the situation to them, because none of them approach him.

When he walks into Breadstix for the after party he expects the same looks all over again, a stink eye here or there to put him firmly in place and reminding him of things he really hoped he'd made up for this past year. He knows he's made up with the people that matter, June mainly, and Blaine to some extent—he knows that part of Blaine's forgiveness has to do with June. But he's grateful for that.

He's surprised that next to no one takes note of his presence; most of the New Directions are seated together in small groups or on the dance floor. They see him enter, but keep any comments to themselves again. Sugar waves at him, then points to the other side of the room, right at the girl he was looking for.

June’s standing by herself just next to the dance floor, seemingly resting from a few dances already. Blaine's on the dance floor with Tina, having the time of his life. Sebastian smiles to himself; for all his bashfulness and carefully gelled restraint, Blaine Anderson sure knew how to let loose.

He walks over to June, approaching her from behind, placing his hands on her shoulders. She freezes momentarily, probably spooked by a stranger's sudden touch. "Relax," he says, drawing himself closer to her body. "It's just me."

June turns her head and smiles at him. "You're lucky I didn't go all Black Widow on your ass."

His hands move down her waist and he pinches her sides; June squeals. "I'd love to see you try though," he says. June's laughing and she throws her head back on his shoulder and he thinks it has to be one of the most gratifying sounds to get out of someone he—he _loves_? Is that what this feeling is?

"So," June says, settling against him. "Was I loose enough?" she asks, referring to her performance.

"Better," he murmurs against her temple, "You were sexy." And he means that in every sense of the word. He never thought he'd say it about a girl, let alone  _feel_ this kind of attraction towards her, but here they are, against all odds. He's almost certain it won't last. Maybe they should make the most of what they have right now. "You should've kept the outfit," he adds. "We could've had some _real_  fun with that."

His hands move down her waist and he can hear June's sharp intake of breath. "Sebastian," she says, objecting while melting into him at the same time. But he can hear the hesitation in her voice, feels her body tense ever so slightly, even if she doesn't mean to. Only she doesn't move, her back's pressed tight against his chest, her fingers entangle with his—she wants this too, she'll never deny that, but they have to take their time with this. He doesn't know a girl's body,  _her_ body, and she doesn't know his. Not yet.

He leans in, his lips near her ear. "I'm just flirting," he says. "Don't I get to compliment my—" He swallows hard. Holy shit, is he actually about to say this?

June turns in his arms, and he can't tell if it's for what he leaves unsaid or for his hesitation. "Your girl?" She smiles wide. "Does that mean you're my guy?"

He chuckles. "I guess I am."

He thinks in a way he's always been her guy and she's always been his girl. He also can’t help but wonder how Blaine fits into this picture. After all, June’s kind of Blaine’s girl too.

June furrows her brow. "This is weird, isn't it?"

"A little," he answers. There's no use in lying about this; just because they'd always felt comfortable talking to each other doesn't mean the physical stuff will come easy. But he thinks everyone faces that in a relationship. "But it'll pass." He pulls her close to him again, hands at her waist, hers around his neck. "Once you stop worrying so much about what other people might think."

June's mouth opens in mock-shock. "I'm not the only one worried ab—"

Sebastian captures her lips with his own to stop her talking. June doesn't object, in fact, she moans into his mouth and pulls him closer.

"Okay, you two," Blaine interrupts almost immediately, "enough indecent exposure. There are minors in the room."

Sebastian pulls back reluctantly, but Blaine's right—they should really stop doing this in public all the time. People might start talking. "Jealous, Anderson?" Sebastian asks, but only gets pinched by June for his question. "Ouch," he goes, and rubs his arm.

Blaine laughs. "Don't get me wrong, Smythe, I love your girlfriend," he says, "but she's not really my type."  

"Imagine that." June giggles, and straightens Blaine’s bowtie.

"I'll get us some drinks,” Blaine says, and disappears into the crowd.

It shouldn’t nag at him, Blaine’s nothing like him and he very much doubts there’s a girl on this planet that could sexually arouse Blaine Anderson—but June and Blaine do have a relationship he’s never had with anyone, a deep friendship and understanding, the kind of bond siblings have, he imagines. And for some reason it makes him jealous.

"You didn't bring me flowers?” June asks, distracting him from his strange train of thought. He doesn’t have any reason to be jealous of Blaine.

He holds out his hand. "How about a dance instead?”

 

#

 

Babysitting becomes infinitely more difficult. June and Sebastian had decided not to tell Belle about their relationship just yet, afraid her little heart might actually give out from the excitement, but they didn’t count on how hard it would be to keep their hands off each other while babysitting her.

Sebastian’s father and stepmother had already gotten the hint when they’d caught them making out on the sofa one night after they put Belle to bed—Diana had looked a tiny bit too happy about the new development, his father hadn’t cared one way or the other. But considering neither of them had said anything, they’d continued their post-babysitting routines without worrying too much about getting caught.

That’s how they’ve ended up on the couch again, huddled close together entangled in each other’s arms, June’s legs swung up into his lap and his hand moving underneath her shirt.

"Sebastian—" June says.

"I'm sorry," he breathes, releasing her lips. "I'll stop."

He doesn't want to stop, if it were up to him they'd have gone all the way already, but whatever's in him that's still decent realizes all too well that they have to take this one step at a time. Because it's like they said: neither of them have dated someone of the opposite sex before. So it's not weird to just stop, strangely it feels just right, they both have so much to learn and come to terms with.

He pulls back his hand, but June stops him. "No, that's fine," she says, pushing his hand back under her shirt, hot against her skin. "I just, mm—" her words drown against his lips again. She's driving him crazy, giving him just enough to keep him wanting more, but he thinks she might have the same problem, always clutching at his shirt or digging her fingers in his hair (which _really_ drives him crazy) and she has to know. She has to know what she's doing to him.

She turns her head to free her lips again, while his move to her jawline. "I wanted to ask you something," she finally manages to get out, but moans when his lips move down her neck.

"We can take it slow," he says, breath hot against her skin—another kiss. "We don't have to rush this."

"Well, that's—" She gasps when his teeth worry her skin. She takes a deep breath and closes her eyes—she needs to focus if she's going to say anything coherent, "that's really sweet and really nice to hear, but not what I was talking about."

Sebastian pulls back. "No?"

June chuckles and shakes her head, attempting to feel her way through the haze. "My brother invited me to come spend the summer."

"That's a good idea." Sebastian nods, even though his heart sinks. He'd hoped to take her back to Paris, go back to where it all began, where they both feel free. They could take their time there, take the physical side one step at a time, get to know each other's bodies. He's not sure how much more of this intensity he can take without pushing her. But he knows how important her relationship with her brother is too. "You guys can get to know each other again."

"He invited you too," June says, arms circling around his neck, shifting in his lap, her ass coming dangerously close to the bulge in his pants.

He swallows hard. "Are you sure?" he asks, hoping his voice sounds steadier than it feels.

June shrugs, her heartbeat still not coming down. She's so turned on right now, it's insane, her entire body is pulsing and she wants more—she wants Sebastian all the way, but that's too much too soon. To be honest, the thought of her first time with Sarah had scared her silly, and she feels the exact same way with Sebastian now. Maybe they should talk about it. But not now. "I suppose if you prefer Europe, you could write me postcards," she says. "Or we could Skype like Blaine and Kurt."

He chuckles. "I guess San Francisco will do," he says. He'd rather spend two months on a beach with June than attempt to resist temptation in Paris on his own. And besides, the thought of sunny beaches isn't entirely unappealing. "On one condition."

"Name it."

Sebastian pulls her closer and whispers against her lips. "I get to help you pick out a new bathing suit."

June throws her head back and laughs, her whole body shaking against him,  _including_  her backside and he shivers, heat pooling in his stomach. He digs a hand into the sofa and focuses on steadying his breathing, turning his body further into the sofa to get rid of some of the friction. The beauty of being with another guy is that these things happen, and the other party will understand the mix of excitement and embarrassment—he's not exactly sure how to do this with June.

June's head settles against the sofa, as does his. She stares at him, her fingers playing with the buttons on his shirt. "What's wrong?" he asks, voice raw from their make-out session.

She looks at him sideways. "I was just thinking about how much my life has changed since I met you."

"Past two years have been pretty crazy," he says. "Any regrets?"

June smiles and kisses the corner of his mouth. "None," she whispers.


	23. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think it's long since become apparent there won't be a sequel to this story, but I feel like this one can be considered complete nonetheless. Sorry to those people who were hoping for a sequel, but I hope this epilogue helps!

"Bastian, when’s June coming out?" Belle calls out loudly, her voice booming through the auditorium. She's standing up on her seat, peering out over the crowd.

"Any minute now," Sebastian answers, wondering exactly how he'd end up sitting between his sister and his stepmother. Yesterday morning there was shouting about Belle not being allowed to wear her favorite slippers because they were dirty from a school field trip. Belle had thrown a tantrum, shouted for the entire neighborhood how she was "never allowed to do anything!" and started packing a bag because she'd got it in her head she'd go live with Blaine too.

After all, June had done it too.

It was partially his fault, for explaining how June was no longer living with her parents because they'd been mean to her. His stepmother had made it worse when she told him not to explain exactly what had happened. So why couldn't Belle live with Blaine too? Mommy had been mean and Blaine was  _nice_  and he'd let her wear her slippers inside and outside the house.  

So here he's sitting now, between Belle and his stepmother at June and Blaine's graduation and for some reason he's the one paying for their fight, both babysitting Belle and communicating between her and his stepmother.

"Sit down," he says.

"S'bastian, I don't want to wait anymore!" Belle pouts and sits down, her legs—adorned with new slippers—sticking out straight in front of her in the big seat.

"You’re Sebastian?" the man sitting next to Belle asks, brown hair, brown eyes,  _good-looking_ , but he's fairly certain he's never seen him before—and judging by his question they've never met. Wait, is this June's brother? She'd told him he'd be coming, but what are the odds of them sitting together without realizing. "Sebastian Smythe?"

"You must be John," Sebastian says and extends a hand, but Belle immediately swats at it because it's in her way.

"I was hoping to get to thank you for—" John's voice trails off, his gaze dropping to Belle for a moment before he focuses on an undetermined point in the auditorium. Sebastian wonders if it's guilt or shame, and there's a part of him that thinks John deserves it. But then there's a part of him that relates to John, that would have reacted the same way if his father had kicked him out, little sister or not.

"Just—thanks,” John adds, eyes not meeting his again.

"I figured June'd never do it herself," he says, realizing too late it sounds mean.

Luckily his sister comes to his rescue before things get too awkward. "Bastian!" she calls out, and looks up at him with begging green eyes.

"I’m sorry,” he says, having decided he shouldn’t antagonize his sister like his stepmother had. “This is June’s brother John."

If at all possible Belle's eyes go even wider before she turns her head to look at John. "I’m Belle!" she squeals, much the same way she did when she first met June. "June told me about you!"

"It’s nice to meet you, Belle." John smiles wide. "I hope she told you nice things about me."

Belle nods enthusiastically, getting up on her knees. "How you taught her how to ride a bike and to play soccer and something about treating people."

Sebastian chuckles. "Treating people how you want to be treated," he corrects, remembering that conversation at the Lima Bean vividly—it had only been two weeks after Paris and for some reason all he had eyes for was Blaine.

"That’s what I said!" Belle shouts over her shoulder, then turns back to face John. "And that she loved you very much."

"I love her very much too."

"But I love her more!" Belle exclaims. "But I love Sebastian  _even_  more!"

John nods, clearly as infected by Belle's enthusiasm as anyone. "Of course, he’s your big brother, after all."

"We’re here because June’s mommy and daddy couldn’t come," Belle says. "They made her very sad."

There's a sadness in John's eyes Sebastian recognizes all too well. He's seen it in June's eyes, in Blaine's eyes, Karofsky's, hell, even in Kurt's. And he's felt it himself. "I know, princess," John says. "It’s a good thing she has you to cheer for her. I bet it’ll make her really happy to see you."

"I like you," Belle says, resting her head on her arms, staring up at John with big eyes like a lovesick puppy. "You’re nice."

Belle spends the next twenty minutes or so talking to John and asking if the boy sitting next to him is his boyfriend—Sebastian doesn't know where this obsession with boyfriends and girlfriends came from, but at least his little sister's consistent.

When the ceremony starts Belle jumps up to stand on her seat again and it takes him all his powers of persuasion (and bribery) to convince her only to stand up during June's moment of glory. In the end he has to promise to take her out for ice cream, watch her favorite Disney movie with her, and she still jumps up when Blaine and Sugar come on stage. She cheers louder than anyone else, claps the loudest (which is not an easy feat for a six year old) and all but dances on her chair.

He takes advantage of his height and Belle's momentary distraction to look for June by himself in the crowd afterwards.

"Congratulations, sexy,” he says, figuring he can probably get away with calling her by the nickname this time around. He holds out the bouquet of flowers he’d bought earlier, both Belle ( _the pink ones!_ ) and his stepmother giving him different advice, but he decided Diana was right: he couldn’t go wrong with roses.

June blinks, her eyes wide. "Flowers?” she asks, beaming.

"Isn’t that what—boyfriends do?” he asks.

"Boyfriend, hu?” She asks.

He grins; he's still not used to it either.

"Are you okay?” he asks, not sure where the question comes from.

He can tell from how June stops herself from immediately replying and a slight raise in her eyebrow that she resists the urge to roll her eyes. "I wish everyone would stop asking me that,” June says. “I’m fine. I’m graduating. My best friends are here, my brother is here thanks to you and my  _boyfriend_  is here. What more could I want?”

"June!” Belle calls and comes running over.

"Careful what you wish for.” Sebastian grins and winks at her.

“I made this for you!” Belle shouts and holds up a red envelope. June opens it, revealing a pop-up card with graduation caps. “Bastian helped with the writing.”

June looks up in surprise, but doesn’t say anything. Sebastian shrugs in response. He’s not beyond being a proper big brother to his baby sister.

"Thank you so much, princess.” June smiles down at Belle.

"June, darling,” his stepmother comes over and pulls June in for a tight hug. He’s happy she decided to come to June’s graduation; Diana was absolutely gutted when she heard the news of June’s parents kicking her out and she’d been treating June like a daughter since. "We’re all so very proud of you.”

June blushes. "Thanks.”

“Mommy, picture!” Belle calls out, seemingly having forgotten that she wasn’t talking to Diana up until a few moments ago.

Sebastian sighs, but gets nudged by one of June’s elbows. "Oh, come on, indulge her this once,” she says, and when he looks down at her there’s the strangest pull inside his chest. He wants nothing but the best for June, he wants to be better for her, and no one’s ever been able to make him feel that way.

"What?” June asks, his moment having dragged on too long.

"I’m proud of you too,” he replies automatically, words tumbling out beyond his control.

June raises herself up on her toes and presses her lips to his—he pulls her closer, ignoring his stepmother’s deep sigh.

"What are they doing?!” Belle asks, her shocked little voice sounding from just below them.

June smiles against his lips, but doesn’t pull back.

“Mommy, why is Bastian kissing June?!” Belle squeals.

June pulls back, unable to control her laughter anymore and buries her face in his chest.

Sebastian chuckles. "You realize we’re never going to live that down.”

June looks up at him again. "I’m okay with that.”

 

 

**\- THE END -**


End file.
